Bonita

Yes.... while I was detoxing off the sub I would dance in the dark for as long as I could. I also took up drumming. I got a electric drum set for x-mas from my family to help out with the excerise. I still dance in the dark for excerise. I was first bearly able to get thru "in a godda da vida". Now I can do that song and many more....

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velvetmonkey

Hey everyone,
I just wanted to tell you all that im an Aussie 29 yld who has battled with herion addiction since age 16. I have been in and out of detox and rehabs, cop shops and jail. On and off the streets and all. I have done so much na and aa and have done geographicals, methadone, bupe, and oral neltrexone but nothing worked for me, so i spent many years alone, isolated, and trying to commit suicide all the time.
On the 18 of march 2009 i got my first inplant, i had the best time of my life clean, for 10 months but i just came back to the city of perth aust, i have been here for three weeks and two weeks ago i started to use again knowing that my inplant was weak.
Sure enough i got a habit within such a short time, so yesterday i walked into fresh start clinic (thats the place that the creator of the inplant George O Neil works at) he is an angel in my mind because it has been the only thing that has ever worked for me threw out my 14 year struggle. if anyone wants to chat more then give me an email on (velvetmonkey00@gmail.com) and i wil be sure to tell you more of my story or answer any questions.

There is no need to suffer

Bonita

Well, I promise that I would share my last experience with a flood dose of Ibogain.

Its over... I have to say it was much easier to recovery this time. By day three I am eating/drinking and now snowed in my house for the next week it looks to be.

I began my TX at 10am with tester....didnt feel a thing so at 11:30am took the flood. It still took about 6-7 hours to kick in. I thought that was strange but, hey. I am not one to question Iboga Moma. Once the buzzing started I began to relax and ready to enjoy the ride. Strange...... I didn't really get one. I had full control sorta of what my vision were.

I wanted to fly, so I did. I wanted to watch my brain pop and I did. I wanted to see me in a yr from now clean and I did. I wanted to see/talk to my brother who I lost in Vietnam, I did. I remember asking what I need to take away from this.... then it got a bit deep. I am still processing this part.

I can say that I saw what my responsibilities are to stay clean. I do see that I have not worked as hard as I should, I have not been given 100% effort to keep what I have. I still hold back.... on things like sharing, asking for help, listening to others who have be more successful clean time then I. I think I just may have to jump deeper into AA... to tell the truth this does not make me happy today but....I think I better listen.

I Pray to my GOD that I never have to do this again but if I feel the need or feel me slipping back into my old habits like isolation, fear and boredom.. I surely will take a bootser... not a flood.

As days pass I am sure more will come to light. As they do and I can post, I will.

Godspeed all,
Bonita

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Sluggo

Bonita -
thanks so much for posting your journey with Iboga. I have learned so much from you and your experience. You've always patiently answered my many queries.

much respect
janice

krish

Bonita...

Wow that was amazing... and I am so happy you recovered more quickly this time.. I wonder if has to do with being c/s for a longer time.

Your statement that the truth today, doesn't make you happy, but you better listen..

Makes me happy you have recognized the situation. .. and gave you examples of how to do that. So are you formulating a plan from your visions?

I am really glad you got some clarity. If you aren't into AA, have you thought of the meditations Sluggo and others are doing? I will be honest here... when I read about the "trips" of Iboga, I think we have the power in our brains to "see" similar things thru meditation. Something like that might be right up your alley.

Congrats and thanks for sharing.. this is how I learn!
Hugs
K

his.mom

Bonita - thank you so much for sharing your experience. Such great information for those of us who have (or know someone who has) used Iboga.

I've asked David if he thought that he would ever take the flood dose again and he seemed very reluctant to do so. Said that the visions were really way intense. He said that he does like the boosters though.

So would you call your second flood dose less intense than the first?

ThePrecipice

I will be angry if anyone suggests ignorance etc...aren't we all after the same thing: i sure have no axes to grind (i couldn't give a flying **** about money or politics they are all hindrances and distractions meanwhile$$$ talk anf hold interest rather then human beings and that awesome plus that untapped potential and those poeple who should not be anywhere near where we are hoping to go btw shame and prosecutrion should comeyourn way [pseudo drs/'addictionconolists'-what a thin veneer)); no energy for that for that matter: if there truly is something that releases us all how awesome and fixes it all how great. I WANT TO BELIEVE.

Devils advocate and more of of my experience of real life (and In want to be convinced) it seems like a another trip and plecebo renforced with professionls with the smae old out come.

Please convince us it is more then just another trip:all the others: we still have a c/t syndrome from imoga and there is still all the work to be done post-tx. What is the diff really?

I s this just another pi-in-the ski-like all others plus footing an intial inflated bill. Be honest.

If is such a miracle how great, how awesome and we must bring it to the level of congress if not how sad and they she should be prosecuted.

If it is true what they are construing I WANT IT!

Why hold holding back!

I WANT TO KNOW.

Bonita

I have to admit... I am not following you here?????? WTF are you talking about. Are you talking/asking me a question?

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Bonita

Good to see you hun..... I am just catching up on ODR, so forgive me. I thought the same thing after my first flood dose..... when suggested I get "tune-up".. I said sure but in my mind thinking NO FREAKING WAY!

And NO.... this last was not nearly as intense. Maybe because I knew what to expect.. or maybe I am just willing to anything to help me remain clean. (other then sponsorship, ha). I also was clean and did not have the trauma of the Iboga fighting for place on my receptors.

As time passed from my first tx... the memory of the "intensity" did lessen also. I was suppose to go back in a 4-5 month. I waited 8mo. When I saw myself isolating/fear/drug dreams coming back.... I put 100% effort in getting my 2nd tx... no second thoughts.

In this last tx....... there was a point when I ask what I needed to take away from this.... Not sure anyone read "the corner". True story of the corners here where I live. Well..... I saw myself leaning up against a wall in a shooting gallery that I have frequented in my past. I was the white chic with abscesses all over my arms, weeping of infection, end stage for sure. I smelled the stench. My other "film" was me much older at my sister's house playing bridge.. we were happy. In my very light dream state I was shown actual real replays of being in a meeting about 1.5 months ago... small meeting of women. I shared I was having drug dreams. This women came up to me and said...."you need to get more one/one".. I said yea... I am looking into it. That was a lie.

As time has passed from my flood... I see where I have not given up control. I don't know why but I am soooooooo reluctant to get a sponsor. I have many issue with trust as all addicts do. I still have so much growth needed that I have not even began to tap into. This scares me. Like I am stuck...dry drunk as they say. In the last few days... I decided that the next meeting I go to I am gonna stand... say I need someone to get me started on the steps and take it from there... I just pray after I get dug out again I stick to it. I have nothing to loose now... the hell with trust. I have to do something new to keep what I have.

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liny

Hey Bonita, I watched "the corner". Very hard show to watch, but so sobering. I read your post about your visions from the recent TX, and I agree with your last 2 sentences in your last post here.

btw, check your other PMs. Hope your boat makes it too Bonita. Prayers to you, luv. L

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You Can Not Make The Most Of Tomorrow Without First Making The Most Of Today.

HONESTY Doesnt Leave The Door Open For Interpretation.

Bonita

I had to read this again. Sorry if I was short.

First.. let me say that its illegal in the states. Our gov. does know this root well. Congress is well aware, pulled funding. There have been studies, still studies outside this country. And easy to find on the net. Utube Dr. Nash, Ibogain.

Second.. not saying its for everyone. Like sub for a 20mg hydro habit is over kill. It is not a magic bullet. It will not change your life style for you. It will not take away your choice to shoot dope, get drunk or whatever. It will take away 90% wd symptoms, thus take away cravings, which in turn lowers obsession with dope.

Still need some type of support system to assist in learning how to live without being numb.

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Bonita

Not sure my boat will make it.... I finally got a hold of the boat yard. He said I have lost all my instruments on mast with the wind. Looks like my mast is swaying a bit too much but he cant get to the pier to look and see if I lost a shroud. The water is shallow.. northeaster winds.. but he is worried once the water comes back. No electricity so no bubble system.. My haul is thick... about 2" since its a 78'.

I sure hope I closed all thru hauls....... pretty sure but damn.

I do have insurance so all will not be lost. I just feel such a connection to that boat. I lived on it for a few yrs.. it held up thru two hurricanes while out at sea. I know it inside and out. Radar is gone, wind vain gone, sat is gone. Lots of monies there. Not sure why I am letting this bother me... not like I have any control, need to let it go.

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trudger

Hi Bonita,

I hope your boat is salvageable also because it sounds like it has been a big part of your life. Things that happen to us and aren't in our control do need to be 'let go' of but there is a process to that and one of them is grieving.

For me I find that if I don't allow myself to 'feel the feelings' then, quite often, when I believe I am 'letting go' what I am actually doing is stuffing those feelings. And 'feeling feelings' is something that us addicts do not like to do! Early in my recovery I heard someone in the rooms say, 'there is nothing wrong with a feeling' and that got my attention. Prior to that I was always wanting people to tell me how I should feel. Today I look back and think it is amazing that I was 32 years old (or more) before I learned that my feelings were okay and that it was what I did with them that mattered.

Anyway, I just wanted to stop in and wish you luck with your boat and let you know that I am thinking of you. Also saw where you posted recently you are going to get a sponsor to work the steps with and wanted to make a suggestion.....maybe take a bit of time and get to know the person first? Trust is an issue for most of us and yet it has been my experience that not everyone in the rooms can be trusted. As damaged as I was when I got to the rooms it took me 5 years to realize that people actually lie about their recovery That said, there are many honest, giving people available and know you won't have a hard time finding someone.

Take care and good luck with the boat,
Trudger

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The Ego Seeks The Destination
The Soul Seeks The Journey

Bonita

I know we all as addicts don't trust..... big problem for me. I have let it get in my way for so long now.... I really don't know how to trust anyone.

When some one comes to me after a meeting I find myself always looking for pin-point eyes....in Na meetings I am sure 2/3rd are on sub. I have had to stay away from many meetings.... When they come to me and try to give advice I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. Best.. I just stay away from them. Amazes me how many don't see sub as a opiate.

I have to let something go.... not really sure how to but I have been going to meetings a while. I have taken a few out sailing and find something that just doesn't come up to my standards. I am beginning to think its not them but me at this point. Maybe I expect too much from folks. When they tell me something I should not know... due to being a sponsor... that really bothers me.

I don't see myself as judgemental... but I don't want someone smoking pot going thru the steps with me... or taking benzo's for sleep, etc. I am no angel for sure. I actually can have marinol (pot in pill) due to my dx. I have chosen not to.... well, really have been doing so well with my MS that there has not been a need. SO who am I to judge... but I do.

I just want to grow spiritualily.... and have not. I sometimes think I have a form of autism or something. At this point... I have got to let some guard down. I am gonna try it..... if it dosnt work then so be it.

Thanks for reading.

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Mic

I just wanted to say that I read all your posts and enjoy them immensely. (Not to mention that I LOVE your boat)

I don't post a whole lot these days, but I had to pipe up when I saw your word choice "I just want to grow spiritualily.... and have not." Of course that's your perception, but I'll bet if you compare your posts of today with those of a year (or longer) ago, you'll find that indeed you have grown spiritually! (just an observation from someone who cares. )

Mic

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It Takes What It Takes