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Thread: Going in the "back door?"

  1. #1
    strongirl is offline Member
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    Default Going in the "back door?"

    Hi,

    I have been off pain meds for 2 1/2 weeks... desperately looking for some support of a group...face to face would be nice in addition to this forum. So I asked my doc and he said since I was not technically and addict (medical dependency and tolerance made me stop taking meds...no desire to use so far) he said it was called "going in the back door" or something like that and it was sorta frowned upon? My life has been hell for the last 9 + months and I just need to be with people who get it. I don't feel any better off than anyone else... we all have our reasons for taking this stuff... so what is the scoop...can I go in? Is there any other type of group? I don't want to insult anyone...

  2. #2
    peacenik is offline Administrator
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    Default Re: Going in the "back door?"

    Hi strongirl
    NA is a program for addicts. Personally, I think the line between an addict and a person dependant on opiates is a fuzzy one.

    If you'd like to check it out most areas have some meetings that are "open" and anyone can attend. You can check the schedule online for your town.
    Dave

  3. #3
    strongirl is offline Member
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    Default Re: Going in the "back door?"

    I totally agree... I am so lonely with no group support. Going to start a group when this is over...I promise! Is it ok in your opinion if I talk at the meeting or should I just sit and listen?? I'll take anything at this point!

  4. #4
    peacenik is offline Administrator
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    Default Re: Going in the "back door?"

    If you are at an open meeting then anyone can share. I do think it's probably best to listen for a while so you get the idea of the sort of sharing that's the norm for that meeting.

    Basically, NA is about the solution, kinda like we are here at ODR :) It's not really good form to talk at length about using drugs or about medical conditions that might have started you down that path. Fine to tell why you are there, just not a long drug-a-logue :)

    Like I said, check your local schedule and PM me if you have trouble finding it. Open meetings are less common than closed meetings but most areas have one.

    Dave

  5. #5
    arlenewla is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Going in the "back door?"

    Quote Originally Posted by strongirl View Post
    Hi,

    I have been off pain meds for 2 1/2 weeks... desperately looking for some support of a group...face to face would be nice in addition to this forum. So I asked my doc and he said since I was not technically and addict (medical dependency and tolerance made me stop taking meds...no desire to use so far) he said it was called "going in the back door" or something like that and it was sorta frowned upon? My life has been hell for the last 9 + months and I just need to be with people who get it. I don't feel any better off than anyone else... we all have our reasons for taking this stuff... so what is the scoop...can I go in? Is there any other type of group? I don't want to insult anyone...
    Hi Strongirl...glad you posted. I think this is a very interesting question.

    While Dave is certainly correct when he says that NA is a program for addicts, he also importantly points out that the line is often blurred from those who are "dependent" as opposed to "addicted."

    Frankly, I've never heard of "going in the back door" and in my opinion, I certainly don't believe that your doctor is the one who should be making this call. Only you can determine if you're an addict. Only you can determine what opioids have done to you and if your life has become unmanagable because of them.

    You say you need some up close & personal time with people who get it. If you relate to members of ODR because they get it, chances are you may be an addict, but again, it falls to you to figure that out. A high tolerance to opioids may be a marker for you. Taking more than prescribed might be a marker. Thinking about using when you are down/depressed/anxious might be a marker. Using to seek "relief" from some internal angst may be a marker. Feeling empty inside...a void...that only drugs fill may be a marker. As many addicts as there are, thats how many reasons for using there are.

    The "scoop" is that you definitely can go to a meeting. Listen. Pickup pamphlets. See if you can relate/identify with the speaker or someone else you meet. No one will ask anything from you and you may find that you're in exactly the right place for "people who get it."

    Just one comment regarding your doctor's opinion. Many, many years ago when I first was introduced to Percodan pre & following back surgery (going back to 1981). I went inpatient detox which, in those days were 28 days. Exited "clean" but relapsed very quickly. No support. Back into the same detox facility again now taking 30 Percodan a day. Same scenario...exited "clean" and relapsed...again. Tried to stay clean alone. Came back a 3rd and final time but this time I asked to be put on Methadone Maintenance. The good doctor looked at me like I was crazy & said, "Methadone is for addicts. You're not an addict; you're ONLY dependent. Jews don't become addicts. You come from a good upbringing, have money and your husband is successful. I know you're parents and you're NOT an addict."

    I kid you not! No question he thought what he was saying was the truth but in fact, he knew nothing about addiction even though he was the medical director of a large inpatient detox. Shortly after my release from the 3rd detox and another relapse, I went on MMT where I stayed for 15 years. Years of hell. My point? Don't allow anyone to tell you what your condition is. You alone know the truth. Ar
    A life without purpose is a life without meaning
    12/25/02

  6. #6
    valse128 is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Going in the "back door?"

    Hi stronggirl.

    I haven't been on ODR in awhile because obsessing over suboxone withdrawal and PAWS by reading thread after thread wasn't helping to take my mind off the drug. I had a moment of weakness last weekend and used, and in a way I'm really glad I did because afterwards I had a moment of clarity that I didn't have even after getting out of detox. The chaos of the weekend reminded me why I wanted to get out and the lingering feeling of dope-sickness reminded me that I do not want to put my body through that misery ever again. I desperately needed a distraction. I found my distraction in the rooms of NA this week. I started my 90 in 90 (if you're not familiar, it is a suggestion for newcomers to make 90 meetings in 90 days and in my opinion, it's a great idea. At first it seemed like a really tall order but I am already impatient to reach certain milestones i.e. 30 days, 60 days, 90, 1 year). I would have had a few weeks clean, but instead, today I have 7 days. I'm still proud of that though.

    I feel energized and excited about life for the first time in who knows how long. I have zero desire to pick up, no cravings, and I actually enjoy being sober more than being high because I am not hiding anything anymore. I had a pretty serious honesty policy before I started using and I broke that because of this lifestyle. Because of NA, I am reminded of that policy and the importance it has in my life.

    I'd also like to say that I'm not sure there is a difference between being "dependent" and being "addicted". Your body needed a substance in order to function. The reasons for using may be different, but in my eyes, the two words are synonymous. But that's just my opinion. I think you should go to a meeting, see how it works and how it makes you feel, and if you feel the need to talk, just raise your hand. Some people think new people shouldn't talk (I've heard this is more popular in AA), but if you have what is known as a "burning desire", something that is really bothering you; cravings; feeling depressed; struggling in any way, just raise your hand and own up to your feelings. No one will discourage you from speaking. I've spoken at every meeting and every time I do, the vets come up to me afterwards and congratulate me on being able to speak so early in my NA career.

    So, I wish you the best of luck and tell your doctor he is a crazy person for saying what he said. If you felt strongly enough about your situation that you came to this message board, you should definitely try out a few meetings. It will provide you with a foundation (and new sober friends and trustworthy vets to teach you things from their experience). I know I don't have that much clean time, but I feel so strongly about this and I can rebuild myself now that I have the support of people just like me, as opposed to my family who has NO idea how to deal with something like opiate dependence/addiction and has been making some snarky comments when I try to tell them how good I feel and how happy I am to finally be ready to be and stay sober.

    I guess I've said enough. I feel like I could go on forever right now. I went to 2 meetings today. It was a great day.

  7. #7
    Bonita's Avatar
    Bonita is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Going in the "back door?"

    I do see the difference from physical dependence and just out right junkie but in the end we all can end up emotionally dependent.

    I have seen patients get hooked on dope due to surgeries and have to endure detox. The difference is that it IS like a light flu to them and not the emotional dependency. I can see if this goes too long it becomes both.
    omission is not honesty, only a different way of lying.

  8. #8
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    snapper is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Going in the "back door?"

    NA doesn't care how you got there, its clearly stated early in every meeting.
    I was in the same position when I "SURRENDERED".
    Its free, its everywhere, and if embraced, can be the 3D support we so badly need.
    Just go for 30 meetings, get your 2 tags and go from there.
    Also, you can waste time being shy and leave immed after its over, but believe me, though the meeting is a great formality, 75% of the program is hugs and ph numbers...get all you can.
    YOU WILL BE ACCEPTED!
    PS, fresh doughnuts go over great for an ice breaker!! ;-)
    Good luck, let us know how you're doing.
    Kind regards,
    Snapper

  9. #9
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    snapper is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Going in the "back door?"

    Oops, I just bothered to look @ the start date of this post.
    So...how's it goin??? :-/
    Snapper

  10. #10
    strongirl is offline Member
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    Default Re: Going in the "back door?"

    Not so good...I just had a surgery and had dilaudid during and after. The surgery did not cure my pain. I'm trying bundles of every non narcotic and I can't get out of this physical pain. I want to go to a meeting but I'm in too much pain to leave the house. I am not BS-ing one bit. I know this is dumb to say but I think I'd trade addiction for pain...at least I'd be in the driver's seat. (I mean no disrespect to all of you who work your butts off every day to stay clean... I'd probably reverse my position if it actually happened.) I don't know what to do next. This is not living...it feels like death by a thousand cuts. I haven't logged on in a long time..I'm isolating and running out of hope. Time for a miracle.......Tis the season. SG

  11. #11
    Bonita's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going in the "back door?"

    srry about your surgery... One is always in the drive seat though. Hope things get better for you.
    omission is not honesty, only a different way of lying.

  12. #12
    Andy1 is offline Member
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    Thumbs up Re: Going in the "back door?"

    Strongirl, how's it going? I was on pain meds for a back injury, then years later I moved and the pain doc suggested methadone as it is a long acting so should provide good pain control (other stuff for breakthrough pain) and it was relatively cheap (I had not insurance at that point). I took up smoking pot in the hopes it would let me take fewer pills for pain. Flash forward 8 years. Physically dependent on methadone and using it only as prescribed, I was in medical terms clearly dependent -- not addicted. I wanted off all meds, especially the weed. I was pretty sure NA wouldn't take my "marijuana problem" seriously -- so in my mind getting off methadone was my ticket in, the thing that would keep them from kicking me out.

    Turns out that was all in my mind. Like their literature says, they don't care about what you used or how much you used ... just what you want to do about it and how they can help.

    Who knew?

    It has surprised me that no one had given me a hard time about anything. A couple of times someone spoke after I shared and I thought they were talking about me. Maybe it was, maybe not. I've come to realize that everyone there has their own issues and frankly most of us are pretty self-absorbed. One person was a little weird on the phone, and it turned out they smoke pot .. so it was their guilt rather than anything about me I was picking up on.

    I am gaining so much from going to NA meetings, from working the steps, and from having a sponsor. I'm really trying to be teachable and to see what I have in common with each person there instead of focusing on how they're different from me. I learning so much. I wish you the best, and hope you do try NA. Its being a life saver for me. If you aren't sure how you fit in, open meetings welcome anyone. Even closed meetings welcome anyone who is questioning whether or not they might have a drug problem.

    By the way, several people in the meetings I go to 'got there' because of medications prescribed by their doctor - or in one case their dentist. Its really about support and changing the way you view the world. Simple, but not easy.
    Last edited by Andy1; 05-20-2012 at 01:42 AM. Reason: spelling and clarity
    sam bailey and Robyn like this.

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