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Thread: Dr's scripts and NA??????Im confused.

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    Deric is offline Junior Member
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    Default Dr's scripts and NA??????Im confused.

    I've seen people in NA with years clean share about taking prescribed pain killers "as directed" and not have to start over. I've also seen people in suboxone treatment celebrate "clean time". Yet I was told I had to start over when i quit my suboxone regiment. Now I didnt go to a clinic because I couldnt afford it and the last time i went I was given rediculous amounts of pills per day and didnt want another horrible habit. I got a bunch of them, set out a timeline starting at 4mg and gave to my mother to disperse to me, less then 90days later I kicked from 1mg to none. I was devastated when everyone told me I had to get a one day tag, I worked really hard during that time and it was a big blow, had I had no prior knowledge of NA or wasnt as plugged in as I was I probably would have said screw it and went back out, my disease was telling me "if I got to start over I might as well have another blast of my DOC". Now getting that keytag was kind of freeing but it was humiliating these were people I've been seeing everyday for 3 months, working the program and doing what i was suppose to do. Maybe you guys are tired of hearing me cry about it but it just hurts and doesn't seem fair. Any thoughts on this? Anybody have any wise words to help me let this grudge go? I feel great when i go to meetings but since this happened I find it harder to go or even call people in the fellowship everyday like I was before. I really want this thing, i just feel like i got dupped.

  2. #2
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    jdude is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Dr's scripts and NA??????Im confused.

    Quote Originally Posted by Deric View Post
    Now getting that keytag was kind of freeing but it was humiliating ........everyday for 3 months, working the program and doing what i was suppose to do.
    Hey Deric..first off Kudos for keeping/posting the NA/12 step issues in the NA forum! ;)

    I've tried to keep out of the on going issue of clean time. But what stood out was your quote "...working the program and doing what i was suppose to do.". Is it a case of doing what you were supposed to...or what you needed to do.

    The color of a tag or chip doesn't define you or your recovery. Personally I think the white tag should be one of the most cherished. Representing one's personal choice of recovery. Some of us even have a few of them. :o

    You can find a lot of threads on this topic. But I'll only express what it means to me.

    Opiates fix nothing. It's not a matter of treatment..like a diabetic that could die without insulin. Opiates simply change our perception of pain....when taken 'as directed'. Suboxone only changes our perception of clean time and maybe WDs. It's simple...stay out of WDs by taking another opiate. A very powerful one. Harm reduction at best...or worst.

    9/16/06...a bitter/sweet day for me. The last day of my DOC. My day of going CT off massive amounts of Oxys, benzos, ADs, and 'breakthru' meds. My daughter also would have been 23. She'll never see a clean and sober dad. I celebrated her BD by sitting in the ER for over 15 hours waiting for an IP bed. But not till after my 16yr old son had come home from school, seen me in WDs and just assumed I had run out again. He offered to go to school and cop some Oxys for me.

    Duped? Maybe I was? I had spent the next 3 days unable to hold anything down. When I was able to hold anything down, first thing they put in front of me was suboxone. :( Again...my choice. I took sub at massive 'as scripted' quantities for months believing the lies. Paying for it spiritually, physically, financially and emotionally.

    Again..personally..I'm a big believer in 'signs'. And the Angels that deliver them. In Feb '07 I went to get my refill. The pharmacy only had enough to fill half the 30 day supply. I took it as a sign. Never went back. At 40mg of sub I started cutting my daily doses in half every 2-3 days.
    March 16th '07 was my last sub dose. I still had a pile of 'sub crumbs'. But that's my oldest son's BD. Sept 16th is my daughter's bd....March 16th is my son's..not mine. Each and every BD of theirs...the boys will see a clean and sober dad...present and accountable for them.

    If the chips ,tags, candles, and cakes mean that much to you...pm me your address. I'll send you a draw full. That's not what keeps me clean today, tomorrow, or for their next BDs.

    Congrats on your recovery!

    Godspeed

    Jay
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    You can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking that caused them in the first place.

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    Default Re: Dr's scripts and NA??????I'm confused.

    Hi D,

    First you have to forgive me for being a Colts fan also.... Manning is just the man, His brother hot on his heels.

    I do understand the feeling of being duped. I felt duped to find that I just switched drugs when I went on Suboxone. Being one that was uncomfortable with those claiming clean time on sub, getting cakes after a yr or two, three when I worked so hard to become free of all opiates.

    First... the keys mean little to me. Like Jay I have many around the house. Mostly white ones. I think the further away from sub you are the better understanding you will have. I do think you should continue with your meetings. Get all you can get from them.

    I think I understand your now sub free and big CONGRATS to that.

    This is where the real work begins. Learning how to live without the opiates. This is where one can finally recognize honesty in self. This is where one must make choices to stay clean when things don't go our way. Your now thinking... "hell if I start all over I will just have one more blast". This is your addict self speaking.. a voice you must be able to recognize to have success. There are always going to be reason to have one more blast. The success is working thru it and not picking up. As you have more clean time the keys will mean little compared to the success in life that will follow.

    To give you another perspective... I went to meetings as I was weaning off sub. Very hard to hear fellow members not know they were on a opiate, stronger then the perc they come off of. Once I was finally free of sub I did suffer wd again. At this time it pissed me off when one who I knew was taking sub come to me and share how they "did it". In my eyes they have not. Now that I have clean time behind me and don't suffer from wd's I still have a hard time hearing folk claim clean time....all the "work" they are doing. One chic actually pulled out her subs to show me after the meeting...how her doctor says this will keep her clean. Here I suffered for months once off sub, lack of sleep, chills/sweats/chits and this chic brings her dope with her to her meeting..."I always have them with me". I was thinking WTF... they ask in the beginning of the meeting to take your drugs out side the meeting and this chic is flashing them. I wanted to strangle her.. how dare her. Very easy to not do perc, heroin or diludid while on a strong opiate daily. Already numb to self/spirit.

    Now, I don't get so angry at the user of sub but my heart goes out to them... I stay away from them, don't socialize out side of the rooms with them. More for them then myself.. I fear my mouth would pierce their hearts. Not sure I could keep my mouth shut if they began to attempt to "teach" me how to stay clean.
    omission is not honesty, only a different way of lying.

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    Joplinfrk is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Dr's scripts and NA??????Im confused.

    Great posts, Jay and Bonita.

    I was on Suboxone very briefly and it did the trick for me, but I do see many people getting stuck on it. There is a part of me that is torn, but it's not important.

    I just wanted to say how moved I was by the posts, that's all.
    Don't be afraid of withdrawal. The sick feeling will pass and then the real work starts: staying sober. For me, the rooms of AA were the last thing I tried and the first thing that worked, but it will only work if you work it.

    1/31/2008

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    Deric is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Dr's scripts and NA??????Im confused.

    Thanks guys, you gave me excactly what I needed, some personal experiences and opinions and thats what keeps me goin, thanks again.

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    Default Re: Dr's scripts and NA??????Im confused.

    Hey Deric..not to beat a dead horse, but one issue that again stood out for me...the 'word' recovery.
    I also use a recovery plan that has members in all forms of recovery. Shopaholics, where a simple sales flier can could look like a 90 day script to us.
    Gamblers that can't look at a lottery ticket, or avoid the phase 'wanna bet' in their conversations; OEs where a chocolate donut could be a 3 week spiral; Alcoholics that need to find personal care products without alcohol ingredients;and the list goes on. But they also recover.....without suboxone...or a replacement 'therapy'.

    Make sense?

    Stay well
    Jay
    You can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking that caused them in the first place.

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    Deric is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Dr's scripts and NA??????Im confused.

    Quote Originally Posted by jdude View Post
    Hey Deric..not to beat a dead horse, but one issue that again stood out for me...the 'word' recovery.
    I also use a recovery plan that has members in all forms of recovery. Shopaholics, where a simple sales flier can could look like a 90 day script to us.
    Gamblers that can't look at a lottery ticket, or avoid the phase 'wanna bet' in their conversations; OEs where a chocolate donut could be a 3 week spiral; Alcoholics that need to find personal care products without alcohol ingredients;and the list goes on. But they also recover.....without suboxone...or a replacement 'therapy'.

    Make sense?

    Stay well
    Jay
    makes a lot of sense, thank you

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    Friend2U is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Dr's scripts and NA??????Im confused.

    Deric
    My silly opinion, 2 cents, I think you should have gotten the 90 day tag...You did what you set out to do! I am sure it was hard and yet you stuck to it and hit your first goal...
    If you ask 20 different people you will get 20 different answers but the only ANSWER for you is YOU DID IT.
    I have been told that A) I could not start step work until i was completely clean AND
    B) I could start the step work when i was at my scripted dose

    So who do i believe, who do i listen to? It is very frustrating to me so I can just imagine how you felt! The good news is in another 3 months you will get the tag LOL

    You are amazing! Stick with what ever is working.
    Congratlations!

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