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Zombie waking-up and rambling...

Discussion in 'Detoxing From Buprenorphine/Subutex/Suboxone' started by takingtheorangepill, Oct 11, 2006.

  1. takingtheorangepill

    takingtheorangepill Well-Known Member

    This is what's going-on with me.
    I have less suboxone cruising-through my system then I did last week.
    There are some f'd-up things going-on in my life.
    I notice that there are people in my life--who PREFER that I be doped-up and controlled.
    I'm desperate to talk to my therapist--but I can't for the life of me remember his name.
    My spouse has been on "good behavior"----but it's only a matter of time with him, I know that.
    Yesterday---he told me that I looked f'd up as heck. He looked a little weird to me too.
    I 'fessed-up to my condition. I had already warned him about a week ago that I had to start reducing my intake of suboxone and that it might get a little dicey. I told him that yesterday-I wasn't feeling all that great, and that I had actually taken way less bupe, that it was coming-out of my system--(some of the build-up), and I tried to explain to him the paradox of "less-is-more", and how freekin' WEIRD this stuff is.
    At least when I finally got around to telling him about some of my "issues", he agreed that I have some real problems.(legal and otherwise).
    I guess this is the part where he goes-off on a tangent.
    Well-at least I know that's not only a possibility, it's the most likely scenario.
    Anyhow--about my recent reduction, I've gone from 4-6mg down to a steady 3mg for about 5 days, then one day back at 4mg--then yesterday
    one 2mg pill.
    I'm definately feeling the decrease.
    I'm looking forward to trying to taper all-the-way off.
    I'm NOT looking forward to any kind of extended lethargy etc...
    On my last attempt--it NEVER got to that point.
    I made it down to 2mg. and then stayed there. (too long???? I don't know).
    I stayed at 2mg for about a month. The only physical thing that happened was a big increase in the sweating side-effect.
    And then after a month,(at two mg) I got hit-in-the-face with nerve-pain. The medical name is trigeminal nueralgia--a tic of a nerve that
    runs deep into the brain and into the teeth. It's a seizure of the nerve, and after looking at pictures online enough that showed the nerve--I could actually feel the nerve spasming.
    The funny thing was, after the initial surprize and disappointment that it was back, I actually found a way to ride-out the episodes.
    Or--maybe using more suboxone was helping me to ride-it-out, I don't know.
    But--thank God that subsided again. And, I still do thank God every time that I remember the episodes, when I'm not having them.
    That was a little part of my disappointment when it came-back.
    -It wasn't like I was not thanking God for freedom from the pain when I wasn't having it--because I was.
    I know it doesn't work like that----but it was hard.
    Anyhow--I'm pretty sure that I won't make-it through this tough-time
    without a professional mental-health reality-check.
    So--I'm adding that to "the list" of comforts ie; Things to help get through it.
    But even though it IS harder to be awake and alive than to be a ZOMBIE where you're not even HIGH!, there are elements to life that are sweet as heck, and I want my life back.
    Wish me luck in getting there this time-ok?

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