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Our Princess

Discussion in 'Family and Friends' started by PrincessMa, Dec 16, 2009.

  1. PrincessMa

    PrincessMa Well-Known Member

    Our daughter is struggling with heroin addiction. Right now she's also dealing with a MRSA infection in her arm. Such a long story - I don't even have the energy to write it all down.

    This is a good place.

  2. krish

    krish Well-Known Member


    Hi Fletcher--

    I wanted to get your attention! how are you doing? HOw is the plan for your daughter going to the Recovery Home?

    How did the trip go? the quality time?

    I hope I don't sound like I am over stepping my boundaries by asking..I am just thinking of you guys..and hope everything works out for your daughter and you!

    I am still in limbo on what to do..or say..that I haven't done or said...My daughter insists she doesn't want to go back into inpatient treatment... buying her subs on the street, instead of going to the Dr I offered...so I hope your daughter takes this gift you are giving her and runs with it!

    I agree , getting her out of the area she is in now and a different city is good... I can't say it worked for us, my daughter managed to find what she wanted in any city. I hear pros and cons about this..

    They make it if they want, regardless where they are. Others say don't ever go back to your "playground". So I guess it's similar to inpatient vs intesive outpatient.. it will work, if they work it and want it bad enough...but we as parents, can sleep and survive knowing we have done all we can..there is some peace in that ( i am still working on that peace myself!)..
    Just want to you to know.. I am thinking of you and your daughter!
  3. PrincessMa

    PrincessMa Well-Known Member

    OK Krish - you did get my attention... [:I]

    For the most part all was good while we were away. One temper tantrum on the next to last night there and things after that were just a bit uncomfortable till we got home.

    She has been free of heroin since Christmas Eve - 10 days today - she IS counting. She's taking subutex pretty regularly. She still takes seroquel when she needs sleep - she is VERY high energy and has trouble sleeping. Also - has Xanax she takes when she feels to "amped" in her mind. Smokes pot as well. So I say heroin-free rather than clean and sober.

    As good as the trip went overall - I fear that she is just sooo behind her peers in maturity and real life issues. She is very abrupt and overly open with people/strangers in inapropriate situations. When going out to dinner for example, I get tired watching the surrounding tables all turning to look at her because of her loud and obnoxious conversational manner. She has no idea how she comes across - really seems oblivious. I guess her behavior seems normal when she is with the druggies that she has been socializing with - not with 'normal' people.

    Now that she is back home with girlfriend (she is lesbian) she is hesitating a bit more on the OOT experience. She was unsure that the girlfriend was clean this time as well - she brought home a drug test and tested her - figuring she would not be strong enough to resist if girlfriend was using. She was clean - but has only been for a few days. We'll see. Every time I have spoken with the people at the house we are looking at in Los Angeles they have been SO welcoming and warm - I am hoping that will get her a bit more excited about the opportunity. We are driving up tomorrow to check it out and then also checking out a facility here in our town on Tuesday that houses and works with the gay community. We then have an appt. with her addiction counselor that has recommended both the places.

    Thanks for listening - thanks for caring... Sorry if I rambled

  4. krish

    krish Well-Known Member


    I so hear you on the maturity thing.. the resturant was a great example...I experience the same with my daughter and didn't think about until you brought it up. She is so socially behind. Has not problem making inappropriate conversations at the wrong times. When you said your daughter had no idea she is being obnoxious or aprupt.. I HEAR YOU.. I had forgotten that part of it. Or she is "overly" nice.. like fake nice. I don't know how to explain it any better..

    I think it's great she brought her g/f a drug test herself! Amazing! I am also glad her g/f was clean! Those are good things!

    As for the "extra" drugs she is taking...I seem to hear that alot around here.. Well I've got Xanax.. for this and ambian for that.... not exactly my idea of being clean.. but I am not in their shoes. My daughter also took Seroquel.. zombie like.. I didn't like her on it..she was "out of it". Emily said it was typical "protocal" for her therapy bording school. I requested she be taken off of it... but it did curb the sleep issues, which she has had since a young age when not on drugs.

    I REALLY hope your trip to visit the Recovery Home is a good one! I feel several ways on this.. I know they all sound nice and welcoming.. but they are also "selling" their business, so I think a trip there is well worth it. Wish I had done the same when I sent my daughter to FL. I hope your daughter is responsive!

    And such good new if she is open to seeing an addiction specialist! That's real progress! I hope this counselor works with you guys as well.. and you can share!

    You are such loving parents..this just has to work out for the better! And she is free of H for 10 days.. that is such good news!

    I will keep praying and thinking of you!
  5. PrincessMa

    PrincessMa Well-Known Member

    Well. The facility, or home, we looked at was ok. We were both a bit turned off as the area in LA was so crummy. Seemed to be surrounded by gangie types and "hoodlem's". The lady who showed us around had just come down with a nasty flu so we were kind of anxious to get out tf there in a hurry, She could barely stand up - was real apologetic - just like too many things stacked up against us yesterday. It WAS encouraging though to see my daughters reaction to the rules and regulations packet they gave us when we left - she seemed to acknowledge the need for such strict control over the residents. I think we'll try going up there one more time during the week for one of their AA meetings onsite where more residents will actually be home. The house was empty as all the residents were out in a group for a mtg. She will need to be off the suboxone for three days as well before she would be eligible to stay there.

    For now - she is in a very good place, 13 days clean today - I just know she is in need of more support than we can give her alone. She is trying to stay clean not only for herself, but her girlfriend as well. Her girlfriend is really struggling and our girl fears may not even be off the stuff yet. So I really think the sooner we find her an alternate supporting place to live the better. We are looking at another facility tomorrow AM so think good thoughts for us please.

  6. krish

    krish Well-Known Member

    Of course I will think good thoughts for you for tomorrow..and today!

    Funny about the location. I think I had told you, I wished I would have visited the Delray site before I sent my daughter. I had been to Delray before..and only saw NICE areas and things.. But oh how wrong the tourist impression is! This apt was in a very bad area. Even the police told me they have no idea why this is such a popular place for sober living homes.. because it has a whole underground world and young people should be there on their own.

    We had discussed LA for our daughter as well.. since she felt she wanted into the music area. We were told you have to be very careful, due to the economy, people are saying they run a sober living house to get people in and help pay their mortage..and it's by far sober living.

    I have wondered why all the extremes in Sober Living.. it's either the luxary, which we can't afford or bad areas of town, you wonder if they can survive. Actually my husband and I have been tossing around the idea of opening one here.. caring people to run it and safe location. The NEED is there.

    We did look into Sober College in LA.. I think it's around 6K a month. It's finding the right place and you are lucky she is willing to look at places and you have the time to help so you are all comfortable.

    Timing seems good for you too, the g/f will be forced to do something.. You are very kind people to share your home with her as well, while you are going thru this difficult time.
    Good Luck tomorrow! I for sure will be thinking of you!
  7. PrincessMa

    PrincessMa Well-Known Member

    [;^)] Actually, they are not living with us - close by though. We bought a condo near a local JC and our daughter has been allowed to live in as long as she has been full-time in school. It was cheaper than paying rent while she studied. Which - miraculously - she has been able to squeek in. She did not re-enroll in anything for this semester so that's why I think she is more open to another living arrangement. The reality of turning 24 soon may be hitting her. I am not sure that the reality of the condo being re-rented to someone else when she goes has hit though. We won't be able to fork out mortgage on it AND other living arrangements at the same time. One thing at a time though.

  8. kunzite52

    kunzite52 Well-Known Member

    Hi Fletcher, I want you to know that as long as one is on drugs all maturity stops. My son started I guess around 13, but ended up using heroin by 17 or so. He forgot all his table manners and ate like an animal. The things he said were not correlated with any conversation and his isolation while using and guilt about using made conversation nearly impossible with him. His behavior was so random and so emotionally delusional. He wrote these long letters to his love, that truly made no sense or just wasted off as he nodded out. HE ONLY grew up after sober living or a recovery house, which is where you live with your gender and work and work the steps to recovery. Understand that for so long the mind has been conditioned to finding and using drugs, and that takes most all of their time, that they have no idea how to "act" outside of that small world.

    Is her girlfriend using too? Are they sharing this condo? No, you cannot pay for it. I pulled all my sons stuff out of every place he lived when he was using and kept it all in my garage for when he got out. I threw out most of it. I dare not even tell you the things I found or how he was living. Now he lives responsibly, but he is still on methadone from a brief relapse 1.5 years ago. His wife is tapering off though and I suspect he will "get it" soon and follow suit, other than that he makes his own decisions, being 30 now.

    But at the age she is at, subtracting the drug use time, she is not yet mature nor can you expect her to be. The rehab is your best option. Mike walked out on a few but did last at the last one he went into and went directly from there to sober living for 5 full years.

    Hang tight. That she is not using heroin for now is great, but the rehab will not take her till she is detoxed from everything, including the sub. Until you get her into rehab she is better off on the sub than using, normally I would not say this, but you do not want her to fall off the deep end while she is so close to getting help.

    I wish you well, be strong mama!!!!!! Very hard to have kids with addiction, it sucks your spirit dry. It breaks your heart, and honestly what you can do is so restricted. And you have to be at least as clever as they are as addicts, and understand the difference between their addict talking and what they really feel.

    I wish you all the best,
    Love annie[xo]

  9. krish

    krish Well-Known Member

    Just wanted to let you to know, I am thinking positive thoughts for you this AM!
  10. PrincessMa

    PrincessMa Well-Known Member

    Thx - am on way now to get her. You are so kind :)
  11. krish

    krish Well-Known Member

    Well Fletcher.. how did it go??
  12. PrincessMa

    PrincessMa Well-Known Member

    Sorry... Too busy to even type now! Off to appt with her in a few minutes at the counselor. We will be discussing what we we found at the two diff recovery places we saw this week. The one in town here was actually more suited to her in a lot of ways - not as long a program though. I'll check in later when have more time.

    How things with you and yours???

  13. krish

    krish Well-Known Member

    ohhh it sounds like all your research and visiting places has really paid off. I am excited to hear what you thought.

    Things here are staus quoe.. I guess I should consider that a good thing..
  14. PrincessMa

    PrincessMa Well-Known Member

    The counselor went well - he really knows how to talk to people without frightening them off. We started with him 10 or so months ago and she was adamant - she could never do a residential program, nor did she need to. And now</u> - she has chosen the very one that he would have recommended for her in the first place. Anyway - all seems good.

    I had a sinking feeling this morning when I read through her questionnaire packet she filled out for admission to this program. She wrote in "2 days" since she last did heroin - she told me that she was 12 days clean at that point. Maybe she screwed up filling out form, maybe not. I guess I am proud of her either way - she is looking for help. I just hate the feeling that I am being lied to and that I am giving her so much praise for being clean if she really isn't.

    Next Tuesday is her next appt with this place. Keeping fingers crossed till then.

  15. krish

    krish Well-Known Member

    Fletcher, I am so excited for you guys! I love it when things come together like this!

    The thing about recovery homes is, most go there later.. First, detox, 2nd rehab or iop, and then a Rocovery home or sober living program. So by the time a person gets to a Recovery home, they are clean. So weather your daughter has been clean for 12 or 2 days... she still has time to get more clean days behind her to qualify.

    I am so happy for you guys and her... this is great news!
    Gotta love it!
  16. PrincessMa

    PrincessMa Well-Known Member

    Well, her girlfriend moved out yesterday and is entering a residential treatment center as well. Our daughter is waiting a week before checking in so she can visit with her brother before he leaves for Spring semester in college. She's still clean - she is still happy - i am still happy... I keep hearing random good things about where she is going. Maybe the planets are aligned?

    Keeping fingers crossed.
  17. krish

    krish Well-Known Member

    ohmygosh! GREAT NEWS! I am so happy for all of you.. amazing how things work out! This is just the best news! I usually don't like my daughter to wait a day once she makes that decision for risk of relapse or changing her mind that she doesn't need it... but your daughter seems to be on a really accepting path.. good for her! Gotta love it!
  18. PrincessMa

    PrincessMa Well-Known Member

    Well. Today she is missing in action. Was supposed to be at rehab orientation each week at designated time until she checks in. It was assumed we would give her ride since she has no wheels. She totaled her car in a DUI a few years back and can't get license back due to grand mal seizures probably from cocaine. She doesn't answer door or phones at all this morning - may be passed out sleeping, may be whatever. Who knows. Not good. Has us all a frenzy again.

    She mentioned a friend who has been clean for some time was taking her to a NA meeting last night . Maybe she stayed at her house overnight and went with her to the orientation this morning without letting us know. We are all entitled to fantasies, yes?
  19. krish

    krish Well-Known Member

    awhh Fletcher...

    I swear everytime emily is close like this.. she goes and does something to sabatoge it.

    I hope your fantasies come true! There's that old feeling back and we still want to believe!

    Let me know when you find her

    I am right now going to call my daughtes work and make sure she is there too..
    I hear ya!
  20. his.mom

    his.mom Well-Known Member

    Fletcher - just came across this thread and was so excited to hear what a great path your daughter was following and then I read the last post. I could seriously feel your pain while reading that post. Seems, all of us parents go through the same things over and over again.

    I see that you are in So CAL. We are as well.


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