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Day 10 Clean - After 7 Years

Discussion in 'Detoxing From Buprenorphine/Subutex/Suboxone' started by getoffsubs, Dec 22, 2014.

  1. spring

    spring Administrator

    Oh I just love logging on to read something like this! Congrats GOS, you are doing great!...and the countdown continues

    PS; and you too foxface!! Keep on doing what youre doing!
  2. getoffsubs

    getoffsubs Well-Known Member

    It's funny how the days don't seem to add up like they used to, even though I know they are. There just doesn't seem to be as much difference between day 124 and day 136 as there was between day 24 and day 36. I know its all perspective and everyday is progress. I'm not looking for time to move any quicker so I don't know what I'm complaining about!

    I'm doing fine. I know I've said this before but I'm still a baffled by it all. It literally feels like that switch in my brain was just turned off and I can't explain it. I feel very lucky and blessed and in many ways, it feels like a miracle. It's just something I didn't think was possible. My only guess is I reached the bottom and realized that it was a dead end and there way no where else to go. That still doesn't seem like a satisfying answer to me. I guess I'll never really know the answer and I can't worry about it. Just have to keep pushing forward.

    One funny thing, I've been fighting a cold for nearly 3 weeks now. Coughing, running nose, etc. If this was withdrawals I'd be freaking out but since it's just a cold, I keep going about life like normal. Again, it's perspective.
  3. getoffsubs

    getoffsubs Well-Known Member

    Today is 5 months or 151 days by my rough count. I'm doing fine. Sleep can still be elusive but I can't attribute that to past usage at this point.

    Life is good on the other side and getting better every day. My marriage is over. I understand the "wait 1 year before making major decisions" rule, but this one is out of my hands at this point. I'm at peace with it and believe I will be happier going forward.
    Last edited: May 13, 2015
  4. getoffsubs

    getoffsubs Well-Known Member

    Still here - doing fine. Just wanted to check in. I'm not counting days but I'm closing in quickly on 6 months clean! It is amazing how fast time flies by! The forums have been pretty quiet lately. I hope everyone is doing well!
  5. Fox face

    Fox face Moderator

    Keep Racking those days up! Life is great on this side. I never thought I'd be happy/content, but....I am! It's been a year and 8 months now. When I'm in the middle of a rough moment day, I remember that I control those feelings, or control how I react to them. Our brains can be rewired with time and patience. We feel good by doing good.

    We are addicted to our thoughts. We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking.
    The light went off the first time I read that!

    glad your still hanging in there!
  6. getoffsubs

    getoffsubs Well-Known Member

    6 months has come and gone, I didn't even realize it until Monday when I thought about the date. I consider that a good thing, while there is nothing wrong with it, at this point I see counting days as more of an abstinence thing. Nothing against those who count days, that's just how I see it for me based on past experiences.

    I do feel happy / content. More happy and content that I have in years. Motivation to do certain things is roaring back, others, not so much. I need to focus on my job while trying to balance my personal life. Same as just about everyone else out there!

    Things are going well. I'm on the second half of my first year and I don't see anything stopping me!
  7. El Barto

    El Barto Well-Known Member

    its so usefull to read that kind of things, you say the same stuck says, bolt says, bonita says. Its a hope to read, more than it can be done, that it can be done and feel happy after the dark time
  8. getoffsubs

    getoffsubs Well-Known Member

    Thought I should check in as it's been on my mind lately. July 13th will be 7 months without actually counting the days. I'm doing fine - I feel no residual effects and I know I will feel even better if I start working out regularly and eating better.

    I'll try to type more soon. Just wanted to post an update!
  9. spring

    spring Administrator

    Congrats on your 6 months!! Even though you aren't counting days, I'm glad you're letting us all know how you're doing because it's a giant accomplishment and should be recognized.

    So many people come here in trouble, ask for advice or support then never come back. Or they get clean then move on never to be heard from again. I don't know if it's because of shame of relapse or they just get busy with life stuff, but it's always always nice to read continuing follow-up posts.

    You should be proud of your accomplishments so far, and I think I speak for everyone when I say that we sure are!

    Yeah!! SIX MONTHS!
    3rdxstheCharm likes this.
  10. eyedotz

    eyedotz Active Member

    This is my first post.

    I just wanted to say thank you for continually posting on your thread. Really gives me hope. Although I read your entire thread at once (time just flew by quicker for me I bet!) something resonated with me. Just reading your post changed my mind-frame to something more positive. I've been flip-flopping emotionally for days....I know I can do it...ugh, I don't know if I can make it ...thoughts. I have been on Sub Maintenance for almost twelve years (mostly 4-6mg). Within the past month I've gone from 6 mg to 2 mg. I've spent the last week at 2 and considering today to be the day to go to 1.5. I plan on doing 25% tapers until the end.

    I have wasted most of my life to my addiction 'crutches'. In my early 20's I had a 5 year oxy habit that turned into a 7 year methadone nightmare which flung me into sub-land. I am 39 now. Without getting deep into my history (I will start my own thread at a later time to hoping help people as you have) I wanted to congratulate you on a voyage I can't even envision right now. Thanks again for giving a stranger some strength. :) You must be almost on 7 by now!
  11. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Hello and welcome! Your story reminds me a little bit of my own. I was on sub for something like 11 years. Haven't met too many who were on it as long as me...
    Just keep tapering down! That damn fear is ALWAYS going to be there. It's your addict brain trying to talk you out of quitting. Fear of opiate w/d is a very real thing. It's why so many of us stay on the merry go round for so many years. I'll tell you what though, the fear of w/d is worse than the actual w/d a lot of times. You don't go through your life fearing getting the flu, right? It's all about mind set. Don't buy yourself trouble. Try and take it as it comes at you.
    If the fear wins, you will look back and say "I was sooo close" and you will regret it.

    I would just just keep tapering down if the were you. Do you have enough left to keep tapering? Or are you almost out?
    I had to take it kind of slow once I got under 2mg. I went 2, 1.75, 1.5, 1.25, 1 and then I ended up just going cold turkey. In hindsight I probably should have finished the taper but I am definitely glad it's over with and behind me. Honestly, it wasn't as bad as I had made it out to be in my head.
    If you have the 2mg strips, you can fold them into nice even little pieces. I'd fold mine into 8 even .25mg pieces. It made tapering easier. If you can get the 2mg strips I'd recommend it. If not, you can make whatever you have work too.
    Again, it really is all about your mind set. If you believe you can do it, you can do it. If you don't think you can do it, then you won't. Simple as that. You have to fight that fear. Just keep reminding yourself that it's the opiates and the w/d causing the fear. It's not real. (but it sure feels real!). Life is so much better not being chained to a drug!!
  12. eyedotz

    eyedotz Active Member

    Thanks for the feedback... I wasn't expecting any due to the thread being pretty old.

    I totally get it about the 'getting out of your head'. I kind of suffer from a form of PTSD from methadone Maintenance detox. I got down to 40mg and jumped...3 weeks later I had to go on sub because I felt I was dying and started drug seeking after 7 years. Those were the days of the 'miracle drug' fix and docs didn't know what they were talking about. I have good days and not great days but I'm doing ok.

    I have a supply of 2mg pills... (maybe about 80 and another script for 90 that I honestly don't think I'll need to fill). So yeah I have enough. I live in Maine and it was just announced that Mercy Recovery was closing because it couldn't handle carrying the entire state anymore. It was suggested I go to one of the 'pill mills'. Basically its now or never, right? I refuse to start over.

    When I was 'informed' about the closing...luckily I just had my appointment so I had my 3 month script. As soon as I decided it was time, I started dropping. From 6mg - 3mg (fine)... I waited 1.5 weeks until body adjusted. I also spent the past twelve years with twice a day dosing. When I went 3mg and was settled, I decided to cut my nightly dose out. Easier to quit 1 thing than 2 right? I had a decent amount of anxiety over it because it was my bedtime happytime. I'm doing ok. Not great but ok. Some nights I can't turn my brain off. My doc gave me doxapin 10mg to help with sleep...I tried it one night and it completely knocked me out...not in a good way. So for now, I'm just flying by patiently well aware that sleep will be effected... I will take doxepin when/if I need to. SORRY I'm so rambling. I will repeat all this stuff when I get a bit lower so I can help others by starting my own thread.

    Fast forward to now. I found a cool taper schedule that someone had that sounded good for me. I just started it. I've spend the last 7 days on 2mg (one time a day). The taper plan I read about...2mg - 1.5 - 2 - 1.5 - 2 - 1.5 - 2 (until adjusted) then 1.5 - 1 - 1.5 - 1. Continually dropping 25% until down to .25mg. Then skip days, 2 days, then 3, then 4, then done. This is what I am trying to do. Yesterday was 1.5, today is 2.

    I'm really trying not to rush it. I have been on it a long time but its so hard once your mind is made up. My doc actually told me I can jump off at 2mg no problem. Um no. I'm only seeing him until they close for meds that may assist. Currently, I have a constant head-band headache and my lower back is quite sore. I keep having muscle issues where I feel like I'm going to stretch so hard it will pop my muscles out. Gross. Anyway, I'll stop now. I've raided this poor guys thread. Can I ask a question though? When you were on sub, did you sneeze? I haven't sneezed once in over 12 years. Strange right? Thanks for your assist Stuck... Man if you can do it...so can I. (having a good positive day...) I'm sure I'll talk to you soon... Peace.
  13. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Yeah I sneezed while on sub. Trust me, if you're not sneezing now, you will during the w/d! lol I'd have crazy sneezing fits during w/d.

    and, you can definitely do it if I can do it. That was one of my mantras during detox - "what one man can do, another can do". That and - "Mind over matter, if you don't mind it don't matter!"

    sounds like you have plenty to finish the taper. Your doc don't know a thing if he thinks you can just stop at 2mg and be fine. Maybe if you were only on sub for a few weeks total or something.
    I would suggest trying to get down to .25 mg. It definitely got tougher for me once I got under 2mg. But it's totally do-able. I didn't think it was as bad as full agonist opiate w/d (pain pills, H etc). It definitely won't be as bad as going off 40mg of methadone, that's for sure! Methadone w/d scares me more than just about any other opiate.
    Just keep moving forward. It's not a race or anything, but you don't want to prolong the suffering too much. You will know when you're ready. I just kind of woke up one day and said F it, this is it.

    As as far as comfort meds, I would recommend getting some clonidine. It's a blood pressure med used pretty widely for opiate w/d and it's not addictive. It was very helpful for me. It took away that crappy restless uneasy feeling I'd get every night.

    You ou can do this! It is SO worth it.
  14. getoffsubs

    getoffsubs Well-Known Member

    I feel bad I haven't checked in for quite awhile. Things are good, today is 299 days and I will pass the 10 month mark next week!

    Just wanted to give a quick update. I'm still here and kicking!

    (I had a much longer post typed up and I accidentally hit the "back" button and deleted it). I will try to do a better job and checking and keeping my updates current, along with supporting others as others have supported me!
  15. spring

    spring Administrator

    Oh Good!! Another success story! Congrats on the soon to be 10 month mark!
  16. getoffsubs

    getoffsubs Well-Known Member

    321 days today. I'm actually getting very excited about finally reaching that one year mark! While the past 10 1/2 months have flown by like always, the prospect of 1 year clean always seemed like Mt. Everest.

    Hope everyone has a great weekend!
  17. leafy blue

    leafy blue Well-Known Member

    Congrats, Getoffsubs!

    321 days seems like an eternity to me (I haven't even banked day 1 yet!) and knowing that you were able to do it helps give me hope. Do you have any plans to celebrate your one year anniversary?

    - leafy

    P.S. I just finished reading your thread entirely - after I posted the above. If you don't mind my asking (if you do, feel free to ignore the question), did you ever end up getting divorced? Your marriage was a consistent theme in your earlier posts and I feel somewhat invested in the outcome! Either way, I hope that you are happy now.
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2015
  18. getoffsubs

    getoffsubs Well-Known Member

    Hi Leafy - I am in the final stages of my divorce. I'm in my own place now and the kids are doing very well. Best part, their mom and I are getting along well and our only concern is their well-being. I apologize for not replying sooner.

    It's 12:39 AM EST. Today is 11 months.

    No real plans to celebrate my one year but I haven't thought much about it...
  19. getoffsubs

    getoffsubs Well-Known Member

    I just re-read all of my posts and most of the replies in this thread... I'm not sure what I think of it all, but here I am, still clean and moving forward with my life...

    Addiction is becoming a bigger issue in this country. I've watched HBO documentaries on it, read articles about it, seen it discussed in Presidential debates...

    Bottom line, we don't have to hide from it anymore. Wear it like a badge of honor. We are addicts. We made mistakes, we are working to correct our mistakes, and we are human just like everyone else.

    Don't hide, don't feel ashamed. You are just as valuable as your neighbor, the person who sits next to you work, the person in front of you at the check out line...

    I dare say if you can get clean and sober, you are even better. You've faced the devil and you won. Be proud. Stand tall. You are just as good as anyone else and you have nothing to be ashamed of...
  20. Fox face

    Fox face Moderator

    Congrats!! There's so much truth to your last post!

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