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Day 10 Clean - After 7 Years

Discussion in 'Detoxing From Buprenorphine/Subutex/Suboxone' started by getoffsubs, Dec 22, 2014.

  1. getoffsubs

    getoffsubs Well-Known Member

    I haven't done anything with a therapist yet. I did some research online looking at various bios but haven't scheduled an appointment.

    I'm not big on counting days at this point but I think I'm at 41 days. I'm not sleeping well at all, but I think that has more to do with stress around the home. As soon as I get in bed and the lights go out, my mind starts racing with everything that is going on and everything that may or may not happen. I'm having a very difficult time shutting that down.

    I'm also still struggling with what feels like restless legs at times. I swear it's a different leg every night as opposed to both. On top of all that, I feel like I may be getting sick.

    I've had near zero desire to use and no desire to seek. I feel pretty damn good considering.
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2015
  2. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    The anxiety is normal. You are only 40 something days off. The anxiety can last months.
    The added pain is normal too. Your body will be extra sensitive when it comes to pain. That will also last a while.

    I have a bad knee and the pain has been much worse ever since detox. But I know it will get better with time. My anxiety level is up and down too. Certain times of the day it seems worse than others. But I just keep trying to remind myself that my body and brain are still all out of whack from all the years of opiates and that the anxiety is not real, it is caused by the (post) withdrawal.

    Oh, and sleep can take a while to get better too. Most nights i take a Benadryl to help me sleep. But it can so witness make the restless legs worse, so be careful if you try it.
    I know people who couldn't sleep well for no the after suboxone withdrawal.

    Oh the joys of detox! lol. But at least we only have to do it once... (as long as we don't F up)
  3. JV Lobos

    JV Lobos New Member

    Great job getting off subs, its staying off where the real battle starts. The next few months are crucial, but you can do it. The mind games will start playing a key role, you just have to focus own your daily task, & stay away from the things or places that give you that feeling of using again.
    I was a heroin addict for 21 years, shooting up several times a day, every day for all those years (except when in rehab). Never had a problem quitting, but always had problems staying off. I was put on suboxone after my veins and shoulders (from muscling dope) had giving up. By this time my liver was giving up on me from the Hep C I contracted from the many years off shooting up. This is when I decided to quit for good.
    I have been sober for eight years and life is great. The first few years where hard, I had to make many changes but life those get better. I still have health issues (but i rather have a bad liver than a bad addiction).
    It is not easy but it can be done.
    If anybody out there is interested, I can show you guys how I tapered off subs, its really not to hard, its staying off thats hard.
  4. getoffsubs

    getoffsubs Well-Known Member

    Looking forward to day 60 early next week!

    Doing well - still have some stomach issues from time to time but those are starting to work themselves out. Restless legs have stopped. Feeling great, hoping to start working out next week as this has been on my list for a long, long time.

    Mentally doing well, although yesterday I probably would have taking something if I had access at hand. Luckily, I've got nothing around and the thought was fleeting.

    I do feel like I'm not just in a state of abstinence but in a real state of recovery. All of my previous attempts were abstinence at best but mentally, something has changed. I'm not constantly fighting that voice in my head to seek and those feelings of wanting to use.

    Feelings, emotions, dreams and plans for the future - wow it can be a lot to deal with at times. I can't believe how zoned out I've been over the past couple of years. I felt nothing, thought nothing, and was just going through the motions. Beyond feeling better and healthier, I feel alive for the first time in nearly a decade.
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2015
  5. Fox face

    Fox face Moderator

    It sounds like your doing great! I just thought I'd mention reading . A good-article-Paws-aka-flare-ups. It's under the stickies. I'm sure I read this early on, but didn't pay much attention to it, but when I went back and looked at when I drank, it was during a flare up. I've stopped all drugs (alcohol included)and don't have any paws now. It's been a year and 3 mo since last sub. Life is SOO much better now. Congratulations on your continued success:)
  6. getoffsubs

    getoffsubs Well-Known Member

    Day 73 today. Doing great. Sleep is relatively normally, restless legs are under control, stomach is doing fair, but I still have minor issues there. Mentally I feel great with no desires to seek or use, but I'm thankful I don't have any access either because there are always fleeting moments of weakness.

    Trying to stop nicotine as well. I've been chewing the damn nicotine gum for WAY too long. I had my last piece Thursday morning. I have been wearing a patch from time to time, but not continuously. Back at work today so the cravings hit pretty hard. I put a patch on and am doing okay. I have to take it off before bed or it keeps me awake and I always forget to put it on in the morning. Chewing regular gum helps too.

    If I can quite suboxone and nicotine in the same 3 month period I believe I can accomplish just about anything in this world! I'll also be a lot richer with all the money I'm saving!
    3rdxstheCharm likes this.
  7. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Congrats! I love reading the success stories!
  8. getoffsubs

    getoffsubs Well-Known Member

    The forums have been awfully quiet lately...

    Day 84 today. Nothing outrageously new to report, just thought I would check in before the weekend.

    Hope everyone is doing well!
  9. Fox face

    Fox face Moderator

    Glad to see you hanging in there. Have you been able to quit the nicotine? I keep saying I'll quit smoking but......haven't done it yet:(. Definatley don't want to gain weight. Excuses, excuses, I know. Keep doing what your doing! Have a great weekend:)
  10. getoffsubs

    getoffsubs Well-Known Member

    I'm doing okay with nicotine. Haven't worn a patch since Tuesday. It's not easy. Just like cigarettes, I'm use to popping a piece of nicotine gum in my mouth in the morning after my coffee, or one after dinner. I swear like suboxone - the damn gum is worst than cigarettes! I reduced how much I was chewing, use the patch for about a week, and jumped off.

    Damn it sucks, but I am happy to be off. Working to make it continue, but I'm chewing a ton of regular gum!
  11. getoffsubs

    getoffsubs Well-Known Member

    I fell off the nicotine wagon yesterday. Crap hit the fan at work and the urges got the best of me. I guess the good news is that even though my stress level is through the roof, I've had zero desire to seek out anything stronger.

    Tomorrow will be 3 months and 100 days is right around the corner!
  12. getoffsubs

    getoffsubs Well-Known Member

    My wife and I had a talk Saturday night and agreed we need to get a divorce - the conversation didn't end well.

    I did some soul searching yesterday and some reading about saving a marriage this morning and I realized its not her or her friends, it's not us, it's me. It's all me. I have to change. I've tried to explain that the addiction took all of my emotions and feelings and that she just needs to give me one more chance, but I've never given her a reason to give me one more chance. I've acted like a victim and a self-centered baby. I need to change and show her that I truly am different. She's been giving me all sorts of "one more chances" and I continue to blow them, time and time again.

    Today starts a new period in my life. Where I put her first and prove that I can be a better person. That I can be a better husband, spouse, lover, father and that we can be happy together.

    I realized today that we can't just ask for second and third and forth chances - we have to prove ourselves via our actions. I feel like an idiot for just realizing this but I guess its all part of coming out of the fog...
  13. Fox face

    Fox face Moderator

    I'm sorry to hear about your marriage. The one thing I know for certain is you have to put your soberiety first. Your family will always be there for you as long as your clean and honest. It takes time to prove our selves after years of lies. It's hard when they keep waiting for us to mess up, but what do they have to go by...past behavior.
    I wish you the best. Keep your head up and keep moving forward!
  14. spring

    spring Administrator

    Sometimes it takes the threat of losing it all in order for us to snap out of our selfish fog....I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, but maybe this is the proverbial blessing in disguise. Sounds to me like you are seeing things clearly, and with 90 days and counting...it can only get better.

    Time Heals

    My family gave up believing anything I told them, but after staying clean for so long, I didn't have to tell them or promise anything because my successful changes became obvious. It all turned around and I have no doubt it will for you as well.
  15. getoffsubs

    getoffsubs Well-Known Member

    I passed the 100 day mark at the beginning of this week. I went to my first appointment with a therapist last Thursday and I see him again tomorrow. He's mainly a relationship therapist but he has experience in addiction as well. I really enjoyed my first appointment and I believe he can help me in many aspects of my life. Things are going okay at home but it's going to take time. I look at what I've done to my relationship over the past decade and I realize what an selfish *** I've been. I don't even think I deserve one more chance with my wife but I'm going to continue fighting like hell to win her back. I do believe that she and I can have a better relationship going forward than we ever had in the past.

    Physically I'm doing well. I'm sleeping pretty well, feeling good, eating better, etc. My stomach still gives me fits but I think the years of abuse have messed my system up. Started taking a fiber supplement and trying to eat better has helped.

    I just can't believe the fog I allowed myself to live in for so long. I'd give anything to have the last 10 years back but I have to continue looking forward and count my blessings.
  16. getoffsubs

    getoffsubs Well-Known Member

    112 days today. I don't count the days every single day so I usually have to go back to the calendar to see where I am. I'm doing fine. Therapy sessions are going well and I've been reading a number of books about marriage and trying to learn how to be a better husband and a better person. Hope everyone is doing well!
  17. Drugssuck

    Drugssuck New Member

    MY EXPERIENCE. I have found relationships take constant 24/7 work to keep them current. My wife and I have been together 38 years and after 2 rehabs and 1 relapse and a lot of counseling we are finally there. We stay pretty current with all our stuff and we both have reduced our over sensitive reactionary judgmental let me stab you in the heart by retaliating bullsh**. No secrets feel your feelings and say what you mean, mean what you say, but do not be mean when you say it. Tell how you feel own your own sh** and in any confrontation we process our own part and usually it is over. Once in a great while one of us is having a crappy day and we give each other space.
  18. EvelynP

    EvelynP New Member

    I'm an investigative journalist and I am also a recovering addict and alcoholic. I'm trying to find people who would be willing to share their experience with using buprenorphine to treat addiction for an article I'm working on. I've been in recovery for 30 years so I have no first hand knowledge about this drug. I am also a former AODA counselor and I firmly object to this type of treatment. I'd like to discuss different aspects of this type of therapy - such as how a doctor convinced you to choose drugs to treat your addiction, how much the doctors fees are and how much the drugs cost each month. I can use first names in my article and people would not need to reveal their last names. I would appreciate any information on this topic that I can get.
  19. getoffsubs

    getoffsubs Well-Known Member

    124 days and I passed the 4 month mark. Feeling great and doing well. I don't feel any remaining symptoms of any kind, including any paws, that I can attribute to past usage or withdrawal. Life is moving forward. I've been fighting a cough and cold for the past 2 weeks but that is finally about over.

    I don't have a whole lot to add. Therapy is going well and I'm heading to another appointment this afternoon. Its tough for me to justify spending the money (says the guy who spent well over $1000 per month on sub) but so far I think it is very good. No real news on the home front but I'm still working hard to rebuild our relationship.

    Hope everyone is doing well!
  20. Fox face

    Fox face Moderator

    Hi! Doing well here! I'm on about the same time away from drinking, even though it hadn't gotten to n every day Habbit, it was enough to lose everything. I so remember the days of thinking I thought I'd die without that next dose. It's amazing now to know it was a lie that my brain made me think I had to have it. I just returned from a family vacation to a tiny island in the Carribean. It took 18hrs total travel, we missed connecting flight due to mechanical prob. (7 of us including a 3yr old). So to say the least I was frazzled by the time we got there. There were bars literally every 3 feet on both sides of the road and I never even wanted a drink!! I really do finally feel free!

    glad to hear your staying the course!

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