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Am Kicking Sub!

Discussion in 'Detoxing From Buprenorphine/Subutex/Suboxone' started by singerchick34, Jul 23, 2014.

  1. singerchick34

    singerchick34 Member

    Hello! I'm so glad there is a place to talk about what we have been through, are going through, or are about to go through because no one in my life can truly understand how difficult this is in so many different ways. I am just really thankful to know I'm not alone.

    A little about me: I have been on Suboxone for over three years which upsets me because the "plan" was to only be on it for a month to help me with the awful withdrawals I was experiencing from quitting oxycodone and vicodin (up to 15 pills a day total) cold turkey.
    I was in withdrawal agony for five days until I entered an outpatient program which stressed the necessity for Suboxone.
    Did it help? YES. I was writhing in pain for five days and then ten minutes after taking a 2mg strip, I felt completely "healed". I took 6 mgs for a while, cut down to 4 mgs, then 2 mgs. The tapering from 4 mgs to 2mgs was not bad at all.
    I have now fallen into the 2 mg trap where you want to get off of Suboxone but there's no right time to do it and you're afraid you'll be too sick to work and afraid because you've read horror stories about how difficult it is to get off it.

    Well I finally decided to bite the bullet and I am in the midst of it although I don't think the worst has hit me yet. I have done a very fast taper within a week and I'm now taking a quarter of a 2mg strip and I'm just now starting to really feel the withdrawal and I'm scared of what's to come. I will say reading these posts gives me hope so thank you.
    My main purpose for wanting to get off of this powerful drug is to prepare my body for motherhood but I also feel it has taken a toll on my emotional state. I feel lethargic, apathetic, depressed, and I am very moody. I have always be a very funny person but my sense of humor is not what it used to be at at all. I have zero sex drive, little passion for anything anymore, and the extremely creative side of me has taken a back seat.

    I feel like I'm just getting by and I don't want to live this way anymore. I am so tired of being tired and boring. Everything feels dulled to me. Does anyone else feel this way since taking Suboxone? I would love to know because even though I am feeling a lot of anxiety and muscle pain and all that from withdrawal, I also feel more alive than I've felt in a long time. I want to be excited about life again!! Thanks for taking the time to read this. I would love a response.
     
  2. coues1

    coues1 Well-Known Member

    Re: I'm kicking sub's! Advice please

    Singerchick34, I started sub much the same way and was on it for over 3 yrs. I tapered for a few months to .5mg then stopped. I wrote a post listing my experiences in 7 days no sleep and I discuss many of your questions.

    I think a strong desire to stop and a strong positive mindset is most important. The WD's were not as intense as lortab/ morphine but they are challenging in their own way. You sound ready.

    Don't be scared just be ready and prepared and you will do perfect. You will be so happy to get your emoitions back that the WDs won't seem too bad. Congratulations on the start of getting you back
     
  3. singerchick34

    singerchick34 Member

    Re: I'm kicking sub's! Advice please

    Coues 1 :Your support means everything to me. I have family and friends who are being very supportive but they just don't understand what it feels like to go through this. It's my 5th day off subs completely. I finally said enough is freaking enough so I called my doctor and he was shocked how quickly I tapered myself down.( I went from 2mgs to nothing in about a week).

    He prescribed some non addictive medications that would help make the withdrawals more bearable and help me sleep. He has me on clonidine pill form and a patch for my blood pressure, Vistaril which is an antihistamine that can also reduce anxiety, and Flexiril which is a non-addictive muscle relaxer that knocks me out. These prescriptions are very helpful so if anyone is trying to get off of subs I highly suggest you get your doctor to prescribe these medications.

    So anyway, this is really hard but I'm really determined. I also noticed that I'm muuuuch more emotional now that I'm off. I laughed so hard today over something so small and it felt damn good. I know that every day will hopefully get easier but how long does it take until you feel better? I have to go back to work in two weeks and I'm freaking out that I won't be able to work this way. I really hope that's not the case though and that I'm almost through the worst of it. Anyway, thanks again for your support and congrats to you!
     
  4. coues1

    coues1 Well-Known Member

    Re: I'm kicking sub's! Advice please

    Great job Singerchick34. I don't have an answer to when you will feel 100% but you will feel better after a few weeks. Especially if you keep up your positive attitude and strong desire to stop sub. I am feeling good but still have sporadic WD's. I have been working a physical job since day 1. I found the busier I was the better I did. Everyone is different but sucess stories seem to have a few common factors. A strong desire to stop, educating yourself about what to expect, support, exercise, diet and not letting the bad days defeat you.

    I had 2 weeks of bad days. I felt like I had a bad flu. The emoitions I felt and the freedom from opiates gave me strength. That and getting support from Fox and reading posts. I would and still do listen to music and correspond in this site during tough times. I still get sporadic WD's but I don't care. I am free and I am not ever going back. Insomnia has been a challenge but my job affects my sleep as well. Also, I had an injury from work and I am feeling more pain now. The difference is I am not taking the easy road by popping a pill. I need to stretch and exercise. It will get better.

    Chlonodine is a blood pressure med too so be careful. Let your doc know if you are getting dizzy when you stand up. Also stay hydrated, eat healthy and force yourself to exercise. I had 2 goals a day. Something productive and Something physical. They do not have to be major events. Maybe just getting up and making dinner then walking around the block. It would take me hours to convince myself to do these events the first two weeks. It was a big mental boost to feel like I did something. I also think trying to keep stress away helps. That was hard because daily life brings all types of stress. Do what you can to lessen any stress.

    You will have an emotional rollercoaster. Just enjoy the ride.

    I relate this whole process to a grieving process. I went from denial to bargaining with myself to sadness to anger to finally acceptance. I stayed stayed in the anger phase for a while. I ended up turning the anger towards opiates and began a fight with the med. Opiates kicked my butt for awhile but the tables turned and I started winning more often. I am still trying to forgive myself. I lost a few years of interacting with people. All the people I care about are still here so forgiving myself is getting easier. They now have all of me. God help them :)

    Stay strong. It will get worse before it gets better. BUT you have the right attitude. I can tell. You will do well.
     
  5. Fox face

    Fox face Moderator

    Re: I'm kicking sub's! Advice please

    Hey Singerchic34, congratulations on taking your life back. I think day 10 was my turning point, I finally didn't think or wish I was dead anymore. I worked after 2 weeks. I was still very tired, but glad for the distraction. Our mind has a way of convincing us we need this or that, but those thoughts will pass.. The detox seems like the hard part, but learning to live with all theses feelings we aren't use to having can be tough, but you can do it! This board saved my life!
    take care
     
  6. singerchick34

    singerchick34 Member

    Re: I'm kicking sub's! Advice please

    Coues and Fox face thank you for all your encouragement! It really really helps to talk to people who have been through this and I'm very grateful I found this forum. I am extremely determined and I know I can get through this but I am just really worried about going back to work. I have another week so I'm just praying the worst will be over by then.
    I've already been off for 6 days now and it's not easy but I can feel my emotions coming back and it feels really good. If I find something funny my laughter is so different than it used to be. If I find something sad I can actually cry. It makes me very hopeful.

    Last night was rough...had really bad restless legs and muscle spasms but I took hot baths when I couldn't take it anymore and that provided relief so I could fall back asleep. I agree that it's important to do something every day. I have been trying but it's sooo hard to just get up. I'm in pretty decent shape but just walking makes me so winded. My body is in the middle of a war and I'm a freaking warrior. It's just crazy how compromised my body is right now.
    Two weeks ago I was hiking a 7 mile hike with no problem and yesterday my 70 year old mother could walk faster than me! It's so bizarre. i just want to feel better so I can move onto the next chapter in my life. One more question and pretty personal but oh well ...did the suboxone effect your sex drive?
     
  7. coues1

    coues1 Well-Known Member

    Re: I'm kicking sub's! Advice please

    Morphine and opiates did negatively effect my sex life. I was taking too much at the end of my use. Suboxone did not have a negative effect. I felt normal on sub. I really did not know I had suppressed feelings. I wanted off because I was cutting back on my own and started feeing WD's. I was not educated about sub and was surprised it caused WD's. I then felt trapped and hated to rely on a doctor and med to function. I had been down that road with morphine.

    So now I am not dependant on a doctor to function. Well, not entirely true. I have to take synthroid due to cancer. At least getting synthroid does not feel like a drug deal.
     
  8. coues1

    coues1 Well-Known Member

    Re: I'm kicking sub's! Advice please

    Try taking a multivitamin, V8 and bananna. You will get sodium, pottasium and calcium. May help with leg cramps.
     
  9. singerchick34

    singerchick34 Member

    Re: I'm kicking sub's! Advice please

    Coues1: You are an inspiration. I am not sure you have cancer now or you are in remission but either way, I am so sorry you have to go through that as well as suboxane withdrawal. You are a very strong individual. I think anyone who has decided to go off suboxone for themselves is an incredibly strong person because this takes a lot of willpower. I think that's why my self-esteem has risen. I feel powerful. I woke up about a half hour ago and was excited to come on this site.
    Your support is so helpful. I am on day 7 and I don't want to jinx it because it's only 9 am but I'm feeling better. My brain is so much clearer. I couldn't seem to express myself verbally the right way before but now the words seem to just flow with no problem! I feel very very hopeful today and excited to see who I really am without the suboxane or the opiates I was hooked on. I haven't been myself in a very long time. It makes me sad but I can't change the past so might as well look ahead. :)
     
  10. singerchick34

    singerchick34 Member

    Re: I'm kicking sub's! Advice please

    Oh and what's with all this freaking sneezing???!
     
  11. coues1

    coues1 Well-Known Member

    Re: I'm kicking sub's! Advice please

    The sneezing is crazy. My record was six in a row. My smell was very sensitive as well. It still is and I will have sneezes once in a while. People will think you are sick with a cold or flu.

    I am in remission. I need to make my 10 yr check up. I was last checked 3 yrs ago and had to get another biopsy. It was negative but sucked going through it. I have did not go for 3 yrs due not caring being in sub I guess.

    Enjoy the feelings. They will calm and be less euphoric in time. Just be mentally prepared for those sporadic tough days and draw strength from days like today.

    Be well and keep getting well.
     
  12. singerchick34

    singerchick34 Member

    Hey there! Well it is day 9 now and I am pretty hopeful that the major withdrawal symptoms are gone. Knock on wood. They actually stopped yesterday on day 8 which was amazing to me considering the duration other people have felt when going through the PAWS.
    I was expecting it to take longer. I had been on suboxane for 2 1/2 years so I thought that the longer you're on them the harder it is and longer it takes. Plus I have read many posts and a lot of people have said it takes 2 weeks. I wonder if the length of acute withdrawal has to do with how active and in shape you are. I was in good physical shape when I decided to jump off the subs.

    I also think your emotional state is EXTREMELY important. You have to go through this with an optimistic attitude and know you will get through it. I think that having a "bigger picture" mentality is crucial if you're going to go off subs.
    My bigger picture is that I want to have a baby at some point in the near future and I certainly can't have one while on suboxane. That was a huge incentive for me. I feel so much stronger as a person for being able to go through this.
    I'm not going to lie, it's not a walk in the park but it IS doable if you are motivated enough! It's amazing though how much this process compromises your body because just walking up a flight of stairs now feels like I'm climbing Mount Everest.
    I'm praying I won't feel so weak as of Monday because I have to go back to work. I'm nervous I won't have enough strength and energy but I have no choice. Anyway this post hasn't exactly been a "quick reply" but I am hoping this post can help someone as I was helped and encouraged by coues1 and foxface. The support is very much needed and appreciated!
     
  13. coues1

    coues1 Well-Known Member

    Congratulations on your success. I am very proud of you. I love reading another positive story.
    I really hope you do not have anymore WDs.

    You know this but I just want to give you a heads up. There is a chance you will have a fatigue day here and there. Those inconsistent days are the ones that may really depress someone who is not
    prepared for it. I know you are prepared and more importantly you have a wonderful attitude.

    I believe you are going to do extremely well at work. The busier I was, the better I felt. Don't stress work you will do great.

    Let those coworkers see you laughing and smiling. It was pure joy for me and I had my first hard laugh at work. Those moments made the mild fatigue seem like a memory.

    Be well and keep getting well!
     
  14. spring

    spring Administrator

    Singerchick, You have come such a long way in such a short time...a wonderful thread to read!

    And not to bring doom and gloom to such a positive thread but this former relapse queen feels a need to ask...what have you done with the rest of your suboxone? Have you gotten rid of it yet? I used to hang onto one or two misc pain pills or an extra syringe "just in case"...
    If you still have it or any other opiate type pain med please flush asap?

    and then just keep on doing what you're doing, one foot in front of the other, one step at a time, one day at a time. Before long you will be celebrating your first 30 then 60 and 90 days and and...
     
  15. singerchick34

    singerchick34 Member

    Hi..I'm finishing up day 12 today.....I seem to be past the terrible flu feeling and restless aching legs. Now my main issues are extreme weakness, fatigue, and difficulty concentrating. I had to go back to work today and it was really hard. My body has very little stamina but I hung in there. I'm ready to feel better that's for sure! Still very proud of what I'm doing.
     
  16. dumbas

    dumbas Active Member

    Hey there singerchick. Coming up on week 5 off subs. This week seemed to be my turning point. I feel very good. I am not sleeping well yet. I followed allot of advice to get through. It was tough, not gonna lie. Weeks 2 and 3 were very tough for me. Luckily, I am out of work until Sept 1 to get myself together. I have been doing everything suggested. V8, I exercise almost every day. I'm having only short periods of fatigue now. No more nausea. I eat bananas, take potassium. I tried everything for sleep. Sleepy time, melatonin, anti-histamines and prescription restoril. So far nothing really works. I worry about that. But that's it. If you want it, it takes a long time to taper then the acute symptoms. But I feel better than I have in years. Thank you to this site and those who have guided me.
     
  17. dumbas

    dumbas Active Member

    I got rid of everything in the house. Had two boxes of subs left. Just trashed them. Flushed all my little pieces down the toilet. No reservations here.
     
  18. singerchick34

    singerchick34 Member

    Day 18 and feeling my best yet! So happy to be getting myself back. I am feeling really positive! :)))
     

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