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A brutally honest personal account of quitting sub after 7 and a half years

Discussion in 'Detoxing From Buprenorphine/Subutex/Suboxone' started by bini72, Jun 18, 2012.

  1. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    I couldn't handle detoxing both sub and benzos at the same time either, and I wasn't even all the way off the subs either. I was only tapering the sub when I went cold turkey off the benzos.
    Getting off benzos after our bodies become addicted/dependent is very rough! Again, just the length of time in w/d blows my mind! I still can't get over just how evil those little pills are...

    yeah and there's nothing wrong with reading and researching stuff on the Internet, as long as it is not adding to your anxiety.
    One thing that I have found that really helps my anxiety - I avoid all possible drama and anything that adds to my anxiety. So, certain things that I used to do that I found myself worrying about afterwards, I just stopped doing. I just take things as they come and try not to do anything that I end up worrying about. You can't avoid it all, but it sure helps not adding to it...

    And like spring said - stay completely away from the benzos! Even taking 1 pill causes so much rebound anxiety it's crazy! Especially since our bodies are still soo over sensitive to like everything while recovering from benzo w/d. I couldn't even take a cold pill for about 6 months... Even certain foods I couldn't handle. Foods I've never had trouble with before in my life.

    Read that link in my last post, the one labelled "what is happening in my brain". It explains benzo w/d very well.
  2. spring

    spring Administrator

    Read that link in my last post, the one labelled "what is happening in my brain". It explains benzo w/d very well.

    I cant find that link. I saw it the other day but dont see it anywhere now. Where is it?
  3. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

  4. Larsy1566

    Larsy1566 Member

    I'm trying to copy and paste what I wrote then lost :( I have a hard time figuring out how to use my
    new tablet.
  5. Larsy1566

    Larsy1566 Member

    That was one of the most interesting things I've ever read. If people were given a copy of that or even had to attend a group where that was read aloud and discussed I believe it would help people hang on. I had no idea what was happening to me and I really thought I was going crazy. Thank you so much for sharing that! It's been 7 and a half months since I was taken off of the klonopin. I'm just wondering if the suboxone is delaying my recovery. Maybe if I stuck it out I would be better now. I'm so angry at myself for taking the suboxone again. I do not feel like I'm getting better and that scares me. I read somewhere that if you were overly anxious before taking benzos that you will only feel the way you did before you took benzos so maybe because I've been numb for so long I can not tolerate normal anxiety anymore. I almost never feel well anymore. I can't even describe what I'm feeling. I'm always "riding out another wave". I feel like there's something else going on that I can't figure out. When you mentioned not being able to tolerate certain foods that made me think. Before the klonopin and suboxone I stayed away from a lot of sugar and carbohydrates. I had signs of hypoglycemia before I even knew what it was and before ever hearing about "the Atkins Diet". I was watching Oprah one day and this couple who wrote a book about being addicted to carbohydrates was describing how I felt to a T. I'm just wondering if my diet is to blame for some of my symptoms. I was always thin and when I started to feel like I was gaining weight I just ate less and stayed away from junk food. I am now the biggest I've ever been and even though I am eating whatever I want I do not believe it's all because of my diet. Did you ever hear of a benzo belly? I'm wondering if that is why I gained weight or if it was the 200 mgs. of seroquel they put me on (I have been off of it for a few weeks). I admit I am very upset about this weight gain but if I had a choice of feeling better or losing weight I would definitely choose feeling better. Also, a few months before I went for detox I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I take levothyroxine for it but I do not feel any better taking it and the blood tests show that I am better. I'm just so tired of trying to figure out what's wrong with me and what else I can try. I just want to feel normal again.
  6. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Yeah I totally got that benzo belly... I am 6' 2" and I was all the way down under 150lbs. My ribs were sticking out. My hip bones were sticking out. I looked like a damn skeleton.
    Well, my very first week off the k-pin I gained over 15 pounds! The doctor couldn't figure out what was going on... It was all water weight though. I just swelled up like a balloon.
    I had that benzo belly real bad. It was a lot more than just weight gain for me though. My stomach felt like it was on fire. Anything I took for it only made it worse. I had this horrible pain in my right side for many many months. I thought there was so etching wrong with my liver... I could even feel my heart beat all through my stomach and chest. My belly had a heart beat... lol.
    Now it seems to be pretty much all better. I have definitely put on weight though. Probably about 50 pounds!

    You should really look into that EMDR treatment for your anxiety. I have only done 1 session of it, but my anxiety is almost non existent. And I had panic attacks on a daily basis while I was on the benzos. My anxiety was absolutely horrible!
    LIKE honestly think that getting off the benzos was by far the biggest help to my anxiety. But it took some time. It was worse for a while before it got better.
    But I did do that 1 session of EMDR. So maybe that was a lot bigger help than I give it credit for...?
    It is a totally 100% natural treatment. It may sound kinda funny, but I think it's worth a try. Basically all you do is stare at this moving light, while the doctor talks you through certain things. It is supposed to like reset your brain and allow you to move on from the things that give you anxiety.

    Honestly, I am not too sure if your diet is playing a role or not. Eating healthier sure would not hurt anything... It's worth a try if you think it will help.

    Oh yeah, one quick tip on writing posts on this site - if it is a long post, make sure you highlight it and copy it before you try to post it. Sometimes the posts don't go through and you will lose everything you wrote. It's happened to me many times. So now I just make sure I copy my messages before I post them. That way all I have to do is paste it, if it gets deleted...

    Glad that post on what is happening in our brains was helpful to you too. I totally felt like I was losing my mind before I read that post. It's absolutely crazy how damaging those benzos are huh?

    What is your Suboxone dose again? How many mg's a day?
  7. Larsy1566

    Larsy1566 Member

    I skimmed through what you wrote and will read it very soon but right now I'm having a hard time concentrating. I was so anxious today that I took a mg of clonzepam. I feel so much better but I hope I did not cause myself more damage . Is it ok to take every once in awhile? I never want to go through that horrifying detox again.
  8. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    I think that it's playing with fire to even take them once in a while.
    I also found that when I took one, although it maybe would help my anxiety initially, it would also cause my anxiety to be much worse for a few days after taking the benzo. Like, it caused this spike in my anxiety level (after it wore off).
    The thing I would be worried about is that you haven't been off the benzos that long yet, and your body still has quite a long ways to go before it is fully healed. Taking any benzos is only going to prolong the healing process. To me it's just not worth it...

    Try and find some other ways to reduce your anxiety. The more you are able to push thru those fears and anxieties, the easier it will become and the less anxiety you will have.
    Maybe try some breathing exercises, like that 7-11 breathing (breathe in counting to 7, hold for a moment. Then breathe out counting to 11 and pause for a moment). So this for at least 15 minutes. Exhaling more air than you inhale actually kind of forces your body to relax a bit.
    Look into meditation exercises too. Maybe even yoga... And keep an open mind about the different stress reducing techniques/exercises. If you are open minded and believe something can work, chances are it Will work. But if you write it off as silly/stupid and/or just don't believe it can help, then it's probably not going to help...
  9. Larsy1566

    Larsy1566 Member

    I am not planning on taking benzos anymore. I think by trying it makes me realize that my body is still recovering. Most doctors will say that after 8 months off of clonzepam I should not be in withdrawal anymore but you are saying it's still early in my recovery. When I first came home I decided to try a clonzepam and it did nothing (just like before I left for detox). For a few years before the detox clonzepam stopped working. No matter how many I took it did not work but I kept on taking 4 mgs. A day. Yesterday when I took 1 mg. It worked which means that I'm healing because it worked. Does this make sense? I wish I could use a benzo to wean off of the suboxone but I never want to get addicted to it again. Just thinking about the first couple of months off of the clonzepam scares me to death. I don't even remember everything that happened to me the first week with no clonzepam. I thought it was the suboxone. I had no idea it could be the clonzepam. I remember being petrified and felt sureal. I've never taken acid but from what people say about it I would compare it to a very bad trip that never ended. Just knowing clonzepam worked means that my receptors must be healing otherwise I wouldn't have felt it like before. What do you think?
  10. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Well, I know how I feel trying to recover from the benzos. Which is why I say that 8 months is still somewhat early in the process. Definitely past the acute w/d stage. But not past the Post Acute w/d stage yet...
    My doctor told me that some of his patients take Years to heal from benzo use. It is very hard to find a doctor who knows a lot about benzos. Most of them are pretty clueless!

    Heres what Wikipedia has to say (on duration on w/d) -
    After the last dose has been taken, the acute phase of the withdrawal generally lasts for about two months. Withdrawal symptoms, even from low-dose use, typically persist for six to twelve months and gradually improve over that period,[126][27] however, clinically significant withdrawal symptoms may persist for years, although gradually declining.

    Here, give it a read sometime - Benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    heres another link on benzo dependence - Benzodiazepine dependence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    and one more on the long term effects of benzo use - Effects of long-term benzodiazepine use - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    heres another on the rebound effect - Rebound effect - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    i guess I may as well include the one on Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome - Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    ok and one more. This one is probably the most important one for You. It describes the Kindling effect, which can happen from going on and off benzos too many times. You definitely do Not want this to happen!! -- > Kindling (sedative-hypnotic withdrawal) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
  11. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    I know that is quite a few links, but please take the time to read them. I honestly believe that you will find quite a few answers to your problems in the information in those links.
  12. Larsy1566

    Larsy1566 Member

    Wow, Thank you so very much! I will read every one of them! I found a site that was talking about flumazenil (which I've never heard of. What do you think of this medication?
  13. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Honestly, I don't really know anything about it. I just did a little research on it and it said it was used to treat benzo overdose...? And/or to kind of reverse the effects of benzos. There was like one or 2 other uses, but that was the main one from what I read. There was literally one sentence that said it could possibly be used for benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome. Is that why you were thinking of using it? What was it offered to you for?
  14. Larsy1566

    Larsy1566 Member

  15. strat player

    strat player Well-Known Member

    Detoxing you from a 15 year Klonopin habit of 4mg that quickly was dangerous. 4mg is a lot, it's equal to 80mg of Valium. It's no wonder you felt like you were going crazy. I took my last Klonopin January 2, 2013 and even now, 17 months later, I still have some memory and sleep issues. It totally depends on the person but I think 8 months is early in the process. You have come an incredibly long way and you really should start feeling noticeably better soon. Taking any more now is an incredibly bad idea. Work on the subs as soon as you can but you have come a long way.
  16. Larsy1566

    Larsy1566 Member

    I meant to say that I had over 2 months (it was actually 3 months) I had off of the suboxone.

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