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7 days no sleep

Discussion in 'Detoxing From Buprenorphine/Subutex/Suboxone' started by coues1, Jun 25, 2014.

  1. freakedout

    freakedout Moderator

    Good work Coues1!!! You are well on your way to freedom. As long as you don't start taking benzos every night you shouldn't develop a tolerance/dependence on them.

    Are you having the back and forth thing where you feel better and then fell worse and then feel better, etc?? Just curious as this seems to be fairly common but WILL go away.

    Congrats!
     
  2. Breather

    Breather Member

    Congratulations on your desition to detox. You are almost out of the worst. For me it was the 14-th day the turning point. Had also terrible insomnia, but refused to take any sleeping pils and now 1 year after I'm glad I didn't. My sleep got better each night and after a month I slept like a baby. Used only natural remedies and exercise during the day.

    Your stomach feels hungry or empty? I had the same feeling, been hungry all the time. In my case this was due to hiper methabolism, food simply burns out to quickly. In ayurveda (indian holistic medicine) this is becouse pitta dosha is out of balance (aggrevated). This is usual specialy in the summer time, when the clima is hot. It will pass when your body stabylises. Maybe you should omit spicy and acidic food and cool your body whet it gets too hot.

    Good luck, keep on postig!
     
  3. coues1

    coues1 Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for the support. Yes, my symptoms come and go. My personal rollercoaster but they are much more manageable. I have found my environment affects my symptoms. If I am stressed at home I get fatigued. I am at work and and having my best physical and emotional day. I love my work and it is fun. I love home too but you know, home has bills, cleaning etc. I am much better at work. I am much more compassionate. It is funny. My co-worker thought I was high. He said he hasn't seen me like this in years. Weird, wonder why.

    My heart rate is still a little high for me. This may be why I am hungry. I don't have a high metabolism due to my past cancer. When I am done I need blood work done. I bet my levels are different and may need less meds.

    I make a promise to all of you: I will not have a problem with benzo. I can't take any at work and I am here for 24hrs. No problem and I only thought of taking sub on day 8 when I really wanted to sleep. My wife rolled her eyes and said sure go ahead. That way in two days you can start over. It will be fun, no? I went back to my restlessness and felt stupid.

    This has been hard and I have had some struggles. BUT manageable so anyone reading don't get discouraged. I took on a fighting/warrior attitude days ago. Sounds corny but fits my personality. I sI turned it into a fight between me and sub.

    Tomorrow is 2 weeks off and I do feel good. I may have to fight sub tomorrow but I am kicking his @$$ most of the time.

    Thank everyone for writing. If you knew me you would know how uncharacteristic posting and writing my feelings is for me. I can honestly say all the people who I only know from mysterious names has made it possible for me to do this.

    I hope everyone is doing well.
     
  4. beancounter

    beancounter Well-Known Member

    You are doing great; keep it up. As cliche at it is, and it's plastered all over these boards, it's still worth saying; it really does get better with time. You will be better every day and like your wife said, taking it now will just put you back to the beginning.

    Keep on @$$ kicking!!!

    All the best,
    Dave
     
  5. coues1

    coues1 Well-Known Member

    Thank you and you are right about every day getting better.

    Morning of day 14 (2 weeks!). I know everyone knows 14 days is 2 weeks. It just sounds better saying 2 weeks.

    So, back to better each day. I think it is important to let you know the better each day feeling can beexplained like this. The physical part gets better each day because my mental attitude gets better each day first. I am writing this with abdominal cramps, an empty stomach feeling and a little ttired after a restless night of 2 hr interval sleeping. BUT I feel better! Yes, some physical symptoms exists but I don't care as much.

    I just got up so I will let you know if I become a sneezing zombie or if I continue to feel energy.

    I hope everyone is doing well and I am happy for having no opiates or sub for 2 weeks. Getting off sub is possible. Once I got my emotions back the mental part got easier. It was a lot like grieving. I was in denial for years. I then made accusations as to why I needed it. Next I became depressed. TI am now mad and fighting with sub. I feel soon I will get to the final stage of greive (acceptance). Not at acceptance yet. I still can't accept I am an addict. I guess I am enjoying being mad and fighting sub.
     
  6. coues1

    coues1 Well-Known Member

    I am good physically so far. A little tired but energized at the same time? I know that makes no sense. Senses: I am struggling with this flood of emotions. They feel good BUT I have to deal with them. I am not being negative just honest.

    Mostly I am pissed. Mad at my myself and past. I literally asked a friend to fight this am. He is a fellow coworker going through detox/ addiction. He was mad at me because he thought I talked to others about him. I did not but his crew did. I felt happy to offer him to fight me. Not in a mean way. I said it will be fun to knock the sh!* out of each other. I am not crazy but it is like I want a beat down to feel it.

    I also feel happy and have no anger with my boys, wife etc. Just mad at me for being stupid. I havea dangerous job and we I am loving the danger. I am not being a danger to myself or coworkers but I am welcoming the danger. I was ready for more after an incident (at work) and longing for it again even though it is 110 out.

    I know I sound crazy. I am not. I am just letting you in my head about this flood of emotion. I never backed away from confrontation but I did withdrawal from people when I could not deal with stuff. I have done that since I was a kid. I did not know sub chemically made me withdrawal from people
     
  7. Breather

    Breather Member

    2 weeks - you're doing great!

    Maybe I should say something abouth emotions: Yes at first comes care for the body, but very important part of recovery is to free supressed emotions, and that in my case wasn't done by itself. Everything that we as addicts pushed deep into our subconsience usualy even before our addiction is traped, frozen and should be released. I got really emotional the first month of recovery due to euforia I believe, but than the emptyness struck me. And it was so great, never in my life I felt it in this proportion. That was a tricky time in my recovery, I could easily be pulled back to addiction. But I realised, deep inside of me, that this wouldn't fill the emptiness. It can't be filled from outside. Now, a year after I'm still dealing with it, but slowly emotions come out, real pristine emotions that are the only thing that can fill the emptyness. I guess that's just a part of true recovery, the path to inner self where is no place for any addiction.

    Be brave!
     
  8. coues1

    coues1 Well-Known Member

    Thank you Breather. I like the name and it reminds me to take a breadth. I think you are right about
    the euophoria feeling. Yesterday was the first time I felt euphoric with an opiate. I am welcoming these feelings but I need to take a breadth.

    Thanks for the heads up, what goes up will come down. I have not been depressed but like my grieving analogy it will probably come before acceptance. I am not in total denial still, I am not making deals or accusations but am mad. 3rd step in grieving my opiate use.

    I will try not to get beat to a bloody pulp.during this phase ;) I never do faces but letting you all know I am good.

    I hope you are well Breather and thx
     
  9. coues1

    coues1 Well-Known Member

    Euphoric WITHOUT an opiate. Still 2 weeks no sub or opiates. Just a typo
     
  10. coues1

    coues1 Well-Known Member

    Been laying around and tired. It is the inconsistent symptoms. I really think sleep has a huge impact on how I feel the following day. Went shopping for my wife this am (one thing productive) and now talking myself into getting up and take my boys out to a fun arcade/jungle gym (one active event since my buddy would not fight :) Again, I am not mad at anyone but myself. I am not raging on anyone. This whole fight thing is a way to feel repentance by getting my @$$ kicked. I decided just to get up and fight sub. I will read for the first time since detox while my boys have fun. Looking forward to see if my books are better now. I read about 1 book a week and hope it wasn't a way to withdrawal from people.

    I have stuck to this routine (one productive task and one active event) at least per day. It took me hours to talk myself into getting up at the beginning. Today it only took 30 min.

    I hope everyone is well.
     
  11. coues1

    coues1 Well-Known Member

    End of day 14. I feel good. Just made a nice dinner and symptoms are mild. Just a little tired from restless night but no big deal. Talked to my brother today. He helped ground my emotions. He is an an amazing person. I feel like I have nothing to complain about when talking to him. He was hit by an IED 8 yrs ago and lost half his face. He knows a thing or two about pain and opiates. I remember taking care of him at Walter Reed when he came home. He was shaking, sweating and very agitated that first night. I recognized he was having wd's from his phentonol patch running out. He no longer takes any pain meds whatsoever. He never had a problem but he recognized he could have. Strong guy because it would be easy to lose yourself after that.

    If he can do it all of you can. He was wild growing up but getting hit set him straight. He needed a good knock in the head. Also helps that he met and married an angle after he recovered.

    I hope everyone is well and getting well. Good night
     
  12. coues1

    coues1 Well-Known Member

    Day 15. Did not sleep great but not bad night. Woke up restless but feel good. Still have abdominal cramps and empty stomach feeling. I also toss and turn in mornings with minor restless leg but goes away quickly. Still sweating a little but I really feel good.

    I know some people have months of wds and I am prepared for that if it happens. The physical symptoms are very mild now and very manageable. They may linger for awhile but I did have this crap in my system for years.

    My emotions seem to have stabilized today. I have to learn how to feel. My brother yesterday said I sound like myself again and they have been concerned about me for a while. I really thought I was me. I wasn't. I was not happy, sad, worried but just there I guess. I felt normal but it did not show obviously.

    Many senior people have helped by writing their experiences and I have been fortunate to make a friend here. After going through this I am convinced you have to be prepared mentally. That is the key to success. I am finding after reading many stories that the people with a strong desire to stop sub and are willing to suffer for a while do well. 2 weeks seems to be the turning point.

    There are still physical wds after 2 weeks but not nearly as bad. More annoying than debilitating. Keep reading the positive stories.

    I hope all is well and everyone is getting well
     
  13. coues1

    coues1 Well-Known Member

    Middle of day 15. My best day yet. I really feel 2 weeks is a turning point for people determined to stop sub. The big difference is not physical but mental. I don't want to lose these feelings.

    Not all have been good feelings but they are f-ing REAL. Bring it on. I have been euphoric. without opiates. Never thought possible. I have been depressed about being an addict in denial, compassionate and really listening to people and engaging, pissed at myself and looking to fight, excited about the future, scared about the future, loving with my wife, grieved my dog, exhilarated by danger, and especially thankful to fox face and all the mysterious names who responded to my 911 call for help in this forum.

    I talked to my buddy and co worker who is needing detox. He said he won't fight so I can feel repentance but will take me to a meeting. He had a dog die and said we are the toughest wimps.he knows. Is there a support group for tattooed jackasses who ride Harleys and cry like wimps.for there dogs.

    RIP Cabella (The sweetest soul I have ever known. Thank you for protecting my boys while they ran through the forest playing during our trips. We had numerous bear encounters and you were awesome. Lucky the bears did not know you were way too gentle to hurt them.)
     
  14. Fox face

    Fox face Moderator

    I'm glad to hear your doing well!
     
  15. bolt

    bolt Well-Known Member

    RIP cabella
     
  16. coues1

    coues1 Well-Known Member

    Amen

    She was a great dog. My youngest and her always hung out. She was his shadow and she always hung out with him everywhere he went while camping. She was so gentle. She would be bossed around by our little shiztu. She was very intelligent and almost had human eyes.

    I hope all is well bolt. Take care
     
  17. coues1

    coues1 Well-Known Member

    Good morning on day? The tracking of days do not seem as important to me now. I still had some restlessness but no abdominal cramps or hungry feeling. Absolutely no cravings for suboxone or opiates. Never again.

    It is sad but I have no pain. Sad because of all the years I told myself I am in pain. I talked to a friends wife who is a natural pathic doc. She said long use of opiates causes the body to be in more pain. Your body now needs the opiates so it will become more sensitive to pain.

    My insurance doesn't cover her practice but I am going to make her my primary doc. Can't hurt worse than the last 7 yrs. They both are very healthy so something is working.

    I feel 90% now. The 10% is just a mild irritation. I hope it lasts. I will keep you posted.

    The big difference this time was learning about this drug and what to expect from this forum. Also, opening up and interacting with people here has worked wonders. I tried the "I can do it myself over 3 yrs ago. Obviously did not work.

    So, if you want off sub or whatever you are reading this. Get determined but be patient. Work with a doctor if you can. I know some docs are not very good but some are. Remember, it is called practicing medicine and relationships are built on trust. Be honest with them. The biggest issue with docs is they don't listen to patients. We know what we need. But you need to build trust because we have been asking for what we want instead for years.

    Taper slowly. Remember subs half life. Half life means only half has been used so there is still sub in your system after its approximately 36 hr half life. The smaller amount the better. In fact I can probably say I had wd's for 6 weeks so far. Mild wd's during the last month of tapering and 12 days*of very irritating wd's (felt like a bad flu with insomnia and fatigue) and at 2 weeks feel much better.

    Eat, hydrate, and force yourself to do one productive thing a day and one active thing a day. Interact with people on this sight. Find a mentor who is a senior member or someone who made it. I can say the people who helped me here made it possible.

    Thank you and I will keep you posted. I feel I am back and actually caught myself smiling when driving. That Never happened on sub
     
  18. coues1

    coues1 Well-Known Member

    Good morning. I hope everyone had a good 4th of July.

    I was good yesterday. Yes, I did have some fatigue and my abdomen cramps but they were not debilitating. I listened to music and cooked my best batch ever of Chicken Tiki Marsala (not a typical 4th meal but this was not a typical 4th meal but waa requested). My sister in law was dumbfounded because I had music playing while cooking. I never use to listen to music much.

    Hung out with our neighbors last night and really enjoyed engaging in conversation with them. I remember listening to them in the past and not really giving them my full attention in my own head.

    My youngest wanted to night swim at 10 pm. I know in the past I would have said "It is late buddy you can swim all day tomorrow.". Instead, we went swimming for a little while. We have a pool light that changes colors so we swam end to end of pool trying not to get caught out during certain colors. Good exercise and he said " I really had a good time dad.". I was very happy to be able to take his mind off our dog Cabella for a while.

    He won't put down her collar. He is going through his grieving process and I am thankful I am more patient and happy now being off sub.

    My emotions are starting to be less euphoric and settling down to a healthy normal happy/ content feeling. There are some issues that need to be dealt with. I did suppress them during sub but good or bad I will now deal with them.

    I hope everyone is well and still getting well. Almost day 20 for me with no sub so I will keep you posted.
     
  19. Thank you for your thread.. I am 45 days on sub after a 12 yr stay on Methadone Maintenance I went int 5 day detox. Went from 24 mg to 4 mg of sub.... I want to jump off but my MD says taper..that's what they all say.. I want to be free and it took Along time to get off the methadone 6yrs.and I will not do that again..This is starting to feel familiar being on the sub..I am really afraid to get off of it cuz the last time I did I relapsed..things are different this time I have a Sponson we are in a Step workshop and I am in an intensive outpatient day program am eating good healthy food and exercising.I too did a lot of reading on this forum and others before I started this process.i am so grateful I read your story. I can do it too..Now is better than later...I am off of work till July 28th... Thank you!
     
  20. coues1

    coues1 Well-Known Member

    I have made a reference to my opiate use and getting off as going through a grieving process. Grieving has a fee stages: Denial, making deals/ accusations, Anger, sadness/depression and finally Acceptance. These emotions can go back and forth and in no particular order.

    I am having 3 emotions right now. I am still a little mad and a little sad (not depressed) and denial. I am still a little mad at myself for using sub. I really thought I was in pain. I had legitimate injuries but I am sad I was not strong enough to recognize the emotional pain was what I probably took opiates for. I am still denying and can't accept me being an addict. I have had no urge to take opiates or sub. None.

    Help me undestand what I did that made me an addict vs physically dependant?

    In fact, physical dependence was my doc diagnoses during opiate detox. I went to a pain management doc and wanted pain meds but not something that would get me where I was with opiates. I was naive about sub and I think my doc was too. He was very supportive about me getting off and helped. He said he did his job if I get off permanently.
     

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