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25 days FREE from the chains of suboxone

Discussion in 'Detoxing From Buprenorphine/Subutex/Suboxone' started by Pitt fan 412, Oct 16, 2014.

  1. Pitt fan 412

    Pitt fan 412 Member

    Hello all, I am 25 days free from suboxone and I just want to add my 2 cents to hopefully help somebody else going through this dreaded ordeal. I'm a 33 year old male and I've been on suboxone for almost 2 1/2 years. I started at 16mgs a day and tapered to 2mgs. This is where it hit a brick wall in my taper. Even the smallest drop in dosage would throw me into WDs so after about 6 months of trying to taper and failing I decided I'd had enough and jumped at 2. The WDs peaked between day 2-10. I would characterize the entire first 14 days as a nightmare. Crazy anxiety, depression and despair, horrible RLS and absolutely no joy or energy for anything. It truly felt like my life was in shambles. Just when I thought I couldn't take much more something happened. I woke up one morning around day 18 with clarity and renewed optimism. I began to get tiny bouts of energy and good mood feelings. They still come and go. I still get waves of no energy, sore legs, RLS and overall gloominess but I also have waves of energy and vigor. I've even starting dreaming at night again, which I haven't done in nearly 4 years. I'm finding joy in music and food once again. And small things are beginning to matter again. I know I'm still on a rocky road but the good is beginning to out number the bad. I finally know that I CAN and WILL do this! I did my detox at home with nothing more than some Imodium and Advil so it IS possible and so worth the TEMPORARY pain! If anybody needs advice or just an ear to bend and an unbiased person to vent to, please don't hesitate to ask. There is hope for ALL of us. You just have to realize that it's up to you and you are worth more than the $ the medical/pharmaceutical companies take you for. Good luck all!
     
  2. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Good job. Congratulations! I am I ly a couple of months off myself (after 10 years). I had a similar experience tapering. Getting down to 2mg was pretty easy. After that was tough. I tapered down to 1mg a few times and even got down to like .25mg once but always ended up going back up around 2mg. So finally I went off at between 1mg & 2mgs.
    Welcome and congrats again.
     
  3. Pitt fan 412

    Pitt fan 412 Member

    Thank you! Do you mind if I ask how you feel now with a few months under your belt? Are you still experiencing any PAWS or even lingering physical WDs? Subs are kind of weird to me. When I used to withdrawal from PKs I always new once the intense first week was over, it got better every day pretty consistently. With the subs, it's seems to come and go randomly. It's almost like the withdrawal disappears just to pop back in a couple days later like "surprise sucker!". I'm confident the worst is over and I'm more determined than ever. I'm just curious what to expect after day 30 and day 60... I've read some horror stories about PAWS froms subs lasting several months, even up to a year! Usually with the PKs I would only experience about a month of PAWS. I was younger back then to so I'm sure that had alot to do with my resiliency. Thanks for your reply and insight! It's much appreciated!
     
  4. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    It has only been barely 2 months for me. There are definitely still ups and downs. The first 3 weeks or so were definitely the worst. I still have days now even at 2 months where I don't feel right. As far as that PAWS stuff goes, honestly I just try it to pay any attention to it. If I find myself analyzing things as far as how I feel, I just force myself to change my train of thought immediately. It definitely helps. I am also working 2 jobs, so I am basically busy all day every day. I have one day off and I am usually so exhausted I just sleep. Same when u get home from work each day, I am so darn tired I usually eat something and crash. I don't have any time to sit and analyze how I am feeling. It has been one of the keys to my success I think.
    I mean, I definitely don't feel like my energy level has returned to normal and it's a battle to get up and go to work pretty much every day. But u always feel better once I start working and my mind is busy. I do sometimes seem to have more w/d or PAWS symptoms on my day off when I am not active/busy.
    I just really try my best not to focus on any of that PAWS stuff. I don't read or research about it. I try my best to pretend it doesn't exist lol. I truly put all my focus on the fact that as each week passes I am feeling better and better. I don't allow myself to focus on any of the negative stuff anymore. But to try and answer your question more specifically, I really started to notice I was feeling much better and not having as many of those bad days around day 30 or so and it has just kept getting better from there. I think you will start to notice that you've definitely turned that corner soon.

    One other thing with me - I was also on benzos for about a decade. The same dr prescribed the sub & benzos together. I have only been off the benzos for just over 1 year and that detox was a total freakin nightmare! I was in w/d for like 6 & 12 months and there is still some lingering PAWS from that (and i started tapering off the sub right after the benzo w/d started to subside). So it's kind of hard for me to tell sometimes what symptoms are from what medication w/d. That is another reason why it has been so important for me to learn not to focus on any of that stuff.

    Do to work? Or do you at least try to stay busy doing other things? I used to sit around my house a lot and it seemed like I just felt like I was constantly in some sort of w/d when I was just sitting around like that.
     
  5. Pitt fan 412

    Pitt fan 412 Member

    Thank you again for answering. What you say makes sense to me. I do work. I'm a corporate chef so my week usually consists of 5-6 days/week at 10-14 hours a day. I also have a 2 year old son and newborn baby at home so I have my hands full CONSTANTLY. Lol. I have noticed, like you said, I feel at my worst at night after work. I used to dose twice a day. Once as soon as I woke up to get going and then again on the ride home from work for an evening boost. Not having that nightly boost is what I notice the most. I'm just drained by the time I get home. I'm sure a lot of that is just psychological more than anything. I was clean for 2 years between 2008-2010 and I remember how great I felt during that time frame so I just focus on that and keep reminding myself I will feel that way again soon. What I'm going through now is mild compared to the worst of it so I'm positive I'll make it. Thanks again for your responses. It does help to hear from others. And good luck to you in your recovery as well! I'm sure we can all beat this damn thing one day at a time!
     
  6. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Yes we can beat this! I remind myself to take things one day at a time (or even one hour at a time sometimes) every day. That is a good motto to live by. Any time I feel overwhelmed, I tell myself that.

    Another thing that I feel has helped me is my new healthy diet. Not sure if being a chef makes eating healthy easier for you or harder, since your probably around all sorts of good food... lol.
    But I have noticed eating healthier has helped my energy levels. I was actually also working out like every day when I first started this process, which was also helping. But now I just haven't had the time. I've been told by a # of different people that it helps get your brain firing and helps produce natural endorphins, which I know is true. There were times in the beginning where the only time I didn't feel that horrible restless feeling was when I forced myself to do a little workout. I still do it from time to time, sometimes even right at work. I just do some squats and different stretches when those restless feelings hit.

    So what day are you at now? Did you hit day 30 yet?
     
  7. Pitt fan 412

    Pitt fan 412 Member

    I never paid attention to the saying "one day at a time" until now. And you're right, it definitely helps! Tomorrow will be day 30 for me. I'm actually excited about it like its a holiday or something. Lol. I've started eating good just this past week. Before that I would have to force myself just to drink broth. I've read proteins and green vegetables are the best for this so I've been eating a lot of fish and kale as well as making protein shakes through the day. It does seem to help. And aside from being a smoker in actually in pretty good shape. I stretch at night for the RLS and get my cardio by chasing my 2 year old son around the house all day. That's a work out in itself. Whatever I'm doing its working because I feel pretty good all things considered. I wake up alot more refreshed in the morning than I ever did, even on lower levels of subs. I used to be a zombie for the first hour of every day and i just thought it was natural from getting okder. Now I can pretty much get up and go. I'm still exhausted at night but I'm just telling myself that my body is returning to a normal schedule after running on opiates for the past 4 1/2 years. It's a good thing. I'm getting to sleep at a decent time, and waking up earlier now so all in all I'm being more productive and not just sitting up watching TV until 3am every night (my old routine). Thanks again for the advice. I'm off tomorrow and I'm going to really give excersising a shot. Even if its some light weight lifting.
     
  8. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Day 30 for you! Congrats!
    Yeah it took me weeks to get my appetite back. But now I have no problems eating. I actually have to watch that I don't eat too much... lol. I had a very hard time sleeping for a while too. I think that if I wasn't working so many hours, I would still probably be having trouble sleeping.
    Oh, I had a crazy heroin dream last night. It's actually the first one I've had in quite a while. It was so vivid though. I woke up shaking and couldn't calm down for a couple of hours. But that terrible feeling I had this morning (that feeling you get when trying to score dope and you're unable to) is a very good reminder why I would Never want to go back to that lifestyle though. I hate that feeling!
     
  9. Pitt fan 412

    Pitt fan 412 Member

    Thanks! Yeah I've been there with the dreams. I'm probably dreaming in some form or another of coming across a pill bottle almost every other night and it certainly doesn't help. Yesterday was a pretty rough day. Achey legs and zero energy or motivation. Today seems a little better so far. I guess it's just something ill have to expect and deal with from time to time. I should've detoxes in the spring instead of fall because this crappy weather just seems to compound the melancholy and I imagine that will only get worse when winter arrives. Lol. I hate winter!
     
  10. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Yeah that can be a somewhat frustrating part of this whole sub w/d thing - it's not linear (a straight line). It's not just getting better each day being a but better than the last...
    Its more of a roller coaster. You have those good days and those bad days. I'm over 2 months off and I still have the occasional bad day. Those bad days should start being less and less frequent now for you. Just keep it all in perspective and remember how far you've come.

    How long did your acute w/d phase last? Was there a day where you realized you had made it?
     
  11. Pitt fan 412

    Pitt fan 412 Member

    Day 18. Up until then I going through it pretty bad and almost caved on a daily basis. I was even considering going to a family Dr and asking for pain meds (because of surgical scars, unfortunately this has been fairly easy for me to do). I held out day after day though and on day 18 I woke up with a clear mind and realized I would be throwing away 2 weeks of hell for nothing and that my kids deserve better. It has been a steady incline since then. The worst is certainly over. These lingering residuals are just annoying but by no means enough to make me go back to popping pills or chained to subs anymore. I still struggle with energy almost every day but I've been managing well and keeping a positive mind. I know the payoff is well worth the time served now. Did you notice a certain time period that your energy started coming back or are you still dealing with that as well?
     
  12. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Umm, no not really. Still dealing with energy issues. I still have to force myself to get moving in a daily basis. But once I get moving I do usually start feeling better. But it is definitely still a struggle. I did notice the days starting to get better and better around that 1 month mark though.
     

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