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12 years and I'm tapering off - Journal (JUMPED!)

Discussion in 'Detoxing From Buprenorphine/Subutex/Suboxone' started by eyedotz, Jul 20, 2015.

  1. eyedotz

    eyedotz Active Member

    I'm doing ok now. It gets a little easier each day.... I think it's just stages of grieving.

    I feel more angry now at useless f'n deaths and the H epidemic is really pissing me off. Just the thought of someone nodding off and never waking up is f'n sad and horrible. The poor families that find their loved ones....Argh, frustrating. I wish I could shake people.... THEN I remember the old days when I didn't think of these things.... I just did my oxy lines and went to bed without a care in the world. Funny how things change.

    ....but I digress! Thanks for your concern Fox.

    Day 18! Doing the same....I wish I could say something other than that but I still feel somewhat normal. Or what I think would be normal?
    Music is awesome again which is great and hopefully some of my energy will start coming back soon. I'm doing ok in that dept but just not where I'd like to be!

    I haven't had any more chills and every now and then I feel some burning feelings but they are minimal. Not yawning really anymore....

    I'll check back in a few days with more 'boring - I'm fine' posts! :)

    Later dudes!
     
  2. Sub-b-gone

    Sub-b-gone Member

    Sorry for your loss dotz. Emotions run high for me to when coming off opiates and I certainly understand during grief as well. And I don't find your 'I'm fine' posts boring at all, they are encouraging to me. I hope you continue to do well and thanks for the advise on splitting the dose at 0.25 mg. I was trying not to but it is wearing off mid afternoon at this dose so I am starting to have some trouble sleeping. Nothing major at this point but if I don't get enough sleep the following day is even harder, as I'm sure you are aware. Natural supplements are helping greatly, I just hope I don't get used to them and they become inaffective before my jump. Anyway, take care.

    Sbg
     
  3. eyedotz

    eyedotz Active Member

    Yes, split dosing definitely helps in the end (at least for me). I'm not sure what your tapering to but split dosing is a weird thing when you get low. It seems there is a fine line between once-a-day and split-dosing at the end. I split dosed until I 'think' under .125mg and then flopped back to once-a-day. It's kind of a physical thing when you just know when to flip back. You eventually will get 'used' to the uncomfortable feelings which makes the anxiety of everything go away....really weird but whatever works!!! For me, the tapering at the end was about 90% harder than my jump but I stuck with it and it's paying dividends now!

    I noticed at the end of my taper that the .06mg was only providing 'maybe' 3-4 hours of relief....when I got to .03mg it really didn't do anything anymore...that's why when I test-jumped it just stuck. If I were to do it again I probably would've tapered to .06mg since the .03mg was more physical torture than anything. Its almost like my body didn't want it anymore and when I dosed it just pissed body off (because detox keep restarting?) to make my mind happy? At the same time, forcing myself to taper very low made my body/mind/emotions adjust as well....I still can't believe how I feel now considering 20 years on long-acting opiates.

    Please don't rush... give yourself time to adjust and you'll know when it's time to drop again. I think it would be really great to have someone else taper like me with the same end-results!

    For now, get the sleep man. Shit wears off super quick the lower you go....you KNOW your getting low when you don't get 'any' mental satisfaction or minor energy bursts from dosing...it will only lessen physical symptoms. Take naps when you can. Don't try to force yourself to sleep at night....somehow it makes it worse. Just stay up until you know you can sleep for a while. I used to go to bed at 2-3am and get up at 6-7 and be perfectly fine the next day... It's weird to sleep for 7-8 hours now. Good weird! :)

    Sorry for rambling and thank you for the concern about my friend. :)
    Please let me know if you need anything... I know free advice is a dime a dozen but I really don't mind offering! This is my form of recovery since I don't go to AA/NA... paying it forward.

    ~dotz
     
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  4. eyedotz

    eyedotz Active Member

    Hi dudes.... Day F'n 20!
    Weeeee!

    I would pretty much say I feel good/normal-ish. Whomever has the 'normal' ruler... can I borrow it? I Feel like I'm getting some natural energy back and I feel maybe a little happier in general? I slept like complete shit last night (like 2 hours minus twisting in bed). The one thing I noticed 'mentally' since jumping is I can't seem to quiet my mind at night....(or ever). I think a lot more...sometimes gets annoying. All the years on sub I just fell dead on the pillow....maybe my mind is making up for lost time OR this is what typical people deal with....who knows.

    I've also been reminiscing a lot lately which makes me sad at all the things I could've done with my life if I didn't spend half of it dead inside. I miss my old friends (before using of course).... and going through old pics is heart-wrenching.

    I'm still processing the OD death of my ex. I feel like I'm getting closer to acceptance....but I have moments at night when it's quiet that I get really angry/sad/confused/guilty over it. This chick was a great person and we always remained friends....or did :(. It's weird to need to vent about things....seems foreign to me.

    I hope everyone is doing well and thanks for reading up on me. I'll update in a couple days....(I check back here daily in case someone has questions or whatever....) Day 20 after 13 years is pretty miraculous! I really hope my journey can help others through...
     
  5. eyedotz

    eyedotz Active Member

    Day 23!

    Doing ok physically.... I just feel bored and lonely. I've spent the past 20 years being anti-social (sub) and now I'm not sure what to do. Sure I go to the gym for a couple hours but there are a lot more hours in the day! Anyway, seems like a minor issue. I am not having cravings....nothing about being bored make me want to use....so don't worry!

    I wish it was nice outside...so damn cold and windy. Oh, Maine. Even video games (that I have always LOVED) feels forced somehow. I feel fine on week days when I'm at work because I'm busy .....weekends that I'm home alone kind of suck. My other half works 12 hour days so it just feels long.

    At least Fear the walking dead starts tonight! for now, I'll go run some errands and go to the gym...that'll kill some time!
     
    Sub-b-gone likes this.
  6. spring

    spring Administrator

    Keep on a countin' those days!!
     
  7. eyedotz

    eyedotz Active Member

    Sorry it's been so long guys. I am on day 34 and doing great mentally.

    I have been having some physical PAWS symptoms with my gastro system. I seemed to have developed silent gerd that has been causing me cough endlessly for 2 months. It's like acid reflux but not. Basically stomach acid is launching up to my voice box/larynx and is causing allergy/asthma "symptoms". I kept thinking I was allergic to everything. Every time I would eat I'd choke and cough more. I diagnosed myself a couple days ago...(damn doctor couldn't). I'm taking steps to rectify it by changing my diet significantly. It seems this major change is sub related after 13 years on subs and the subsequent effect on my stomach/intestinal issues. Shit is scary... if it goes untreated it can cause throat cancer/voice box cancer so I am not screwing around.

    I wish I knew if it was only temporary or is permanent. Has any of you long-time quitters experienced this?
     
  8. subzero

    subzero Member

    Great to hear you jumped Eyedotz. My gastro intestinal system didn't get whacky until a month after jumping. I felt pretty raw for a good 4 months after that. Finally returning to somewhat normal. No more acidity, digesting food well, etc.. It seemed at the time like I'd never come out of it. One of the reasons I liked opiates, Sub included, is the fact they helped my stomach issues. Always had a sensitive stomach. But I can truthfully say now, that I'm experiencing a feeling of renewed well being in the stomach area (finally).
     
    Fox face likes this.
  9. eyedotz

    eyedotz Active Member

    Hey Zero! How the hell you doing?! I totally remember you.

    Yep, I jumped and doing freaking great still. Stomach thing is a little rough still but eating differently helps. So you had the stomach issues too? I mean my diet wasn't 'great' before but I can't imagine it causing acid/silent reflux....unless it's a genetic thing. I only ate fast food a couple times a year, ate a lot of salads, etc....so it kind of points me to it being a physical PAWS symptom. I guess we will see! Thank you for echoing my theory!

    I am day 49 everyone! I know this site is super slow but I want to keep the lurkers posted. I still have no cravings, no depression, blahty blah. I can't seem to sleep past 7am but I guess that is normal? I still have some burning sensations in my legs/feet at night but a couple ibuprofen kill it. I guess this is it guys....the rest of my life. I can't believe I'm here 49 days later. I am so happy I was able to go through with this... once I decided and made up my mind, that was it. I thought I'd be struggling for at least a year after quitting....so feeling like I do now is quite amazing.

    I peruse some other forums and have actually been accused of putting up a tough front to hide how I'm really feeling. Just for the record, the way I feel is not bullshit.

    Hey Spring: Are you guys still moving the 'lost' posts over to this format? I'm missing a large chunk of time in my taper story....I'd like to edit my posts so it flows a bit better, if not. Being a success story and all it may help a bunch of people.

    9 months from 4-6mg to .03mg is a long taper but it paid off massively. Had to be that way for 13 years on sub.
    Laters!
     
    Last edited: May 18, 2016
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  10. eyedotz

    eyedotz Active Member

    60 Days my old friends! Isn't that insane?

    I had a strange week last week where I felt like I was in w/d again. Rubber legs, zero motivation, burning sensations. I swear it felt like I was still low-dose tapering....really weird. I seem to be mostly out of it now but it took around a week. I heard that happens with sub because it sticks in fat cells, etc. At least I could sleep though... it wasn't the anxious nervous tapering sleep. :)

    Whateves! I'm now looking forward to 90 days! Thanks for sticking around and reading my story guys.
     
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  11. Fox face

    Fox face Moderator

    Awesome!
     
  12. spring

    spring Administrator

    Believe it or not I am STILL waiting for word from the tech who transferred the board. And am getting very frustrated at the lack of co operation!! Just know that I'm doing my best. You so deserve to have your entire journey posted in one spot and not floating all over cyberland. Will keep you updated.
    In the meantime...YEA!!! for you, another success story in the making!
     
  13. Sub-b-gone

    Sub-b-gone Member

    Eyedotz, 60 days!!! That is awesome! Glad you are still going strong. Sorry I haven't been around much lately, just lack of energy so didn't feel like messing with it. This drop to 0.25mg has been the hardest for me I thought I would never stabilize. Truth be told I may just jump from here, haven't decided fully yet just thinking about it. I really want to go lower but being how hard this drop was I figure I may as well jump already. I will give it more time to see how things go before I decide. I don't want to rush things and certainly don't want to jump to early and end up back where I started.

    I am so glad you are doing so well at this point. As far as your gastro issues you may want to research Milk Thistle and Magnesium Glycinate. The mag is supposed to be good for gastro intestinal issues (also helps relax muscles since most Americans are low in magnesium due to our diets) and the milk thistle cleans out your liver and kidneys. Both realatively inexpensive (under 10) and may provide some help for you if you are still having any issues there.

    I hope you continue doing well.

    Sbg
     
  14. eyedotz

    eyedotz Active Member

    Thanks man! I think I'm at 67 days now. :)'

    That is awesome you are at .25. Yes, it definitely gets tougher as you get lower. When I got low like that I had to split dose again....it really helped with being able to sleep a little at night and allowed me to taper lower. I went all the way to .03mg but I felt the same at .06mg. Dude, tapering is a hard thing and it wears you down but you are so close now. I think, for me, the lower tapering made me stronger....every drop you do under .25mg will make the jump easier. There aren't many people that can taper like I did but I think if you get to .12mg you'll do very well.

    After going down to .03....it actually felt relieving to jump. I felt like I was in constant w/d for weeks. Taking the small doses seemed to piss my body off....almost like my body kept trying to detox and I kept forcing more sub in my system to continue taper. It felt like a constant battle. BOY did it pay off though. Very easy jump.

    Give yourself small goals. If you dose one a day....try pushing your dose past 24 hours. Try something like 36 hours as a test. Dose. Next time try to go 48 hours.... I was doing one of these tests when I just decided to jump. You will not end up back where you started. I'm so proud of you. I love seeing the peeps come up behind me and are able to jump as well. Person by person we are changing the 'fear' about quitting.... We got this shit man!
     
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  15. Sub-b-gone

    Sub-b-gone Member

    Thanks for the encouragement eyedotz. Also thank you for sharing you story here, it has really been an inspiration to keep going in the right direction to get off subs. Hope y'all have a good day.
     
  16. spring

    spring Administrator

    I was thinking about the gastro issues...While we're using everything is working slowly if at all and this includes our gut. Am wondering if you had a problem all along but just didn't notice it while under the influence. I strongly recommend a good probiotic. And not just for people like us but for everyone.

    The food we eat these days is nothing like the food from 20 even 15 years ago. It's overly processed, genetically modified, laden with sugar and starches and chemicals. It's a wonder any of us are even able to function. Our bodies weren't designed to digest all these chemicals in today's franken-foods.

    A probiotic will help the digestion greatly and considering that 90% of our immune system originates in the gut area, it certainly can't hurt any to have a better functioning digestive tract. Not to mention that probiotics work great at getting rid of sugar cravings, something most opiate addicts know all about.
     
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  17. Fox face

    Fox face Moderator

    I also had gut issues, I tried the probiotics and aloe juice (yuk), but neither helped. In the end I had a colon oscopy. I was diagnosed with lymphocytic colitis. I took a low dose steroid for a few months. I haven't had any issues for over a year now. I think it probably had something to do with being on opiates for so long though.

    Congrats Dotz!! Keep racking those days up!

    SBG, your doing awesome, you will get there!

    You guys rock!
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2016
    Sub-b-gone likes this.
  18. spring

    spring Administrator

    You said;
    I also had gut issues, I tried the probiotics, aloe juice (yuk).
    Before I reply, are you saying that aloe juice is a probiotic?
     
  19. Fox face

    Fox face Moderator

    No, I meant to say that I tried the aloe juice too.
     
  20. spring

    spring Administrator

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