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12 years and I'm tapering off - Journal (JUMPED!)

Discussion in 'Detoxing From Buprenorphine/Subutex/Suboxone' started by eyedotz, Jul 20, 2015.

  1. eyedotz

    eyedotz Active Member

    This is my story…I am writing as detailed as I can so that I may help others and keep myself honest and accountable. I am sorry for over-detailing. I will be referring to my days as 1-10 in some places (aka good day/bad day).

    Details:
    39 Female residing in Maine

    Taper History:
    Sub Maintenance: 6mg – Split dosing (typical dose after stabilizing many years ago.)
    June 10, 2015: 6mg to 3 – Split dosing
    June 24, 2015: 2.5 – Split dosing
    July 4, 2015: 2.0mg – stayed at 2mg an additional week to adjust to once a day dosing
    July 11, 2015: Started dosing schedule listed above.
    July 12, 2015: 1.5mg, 2mg, 1.5mg, 2mg…etc.

    History:
    This all stared with a 5 year oxy habit in my early 20’s. I was on Methadone Maintenance for 7 years and ended up going cold turkey at 40mg. I made it 3 weeks. I started drug seeking behavior and the thought of death was welcoming. I started Suboxone 12mg. This was 12 years ago. During the first year I quickly went down to 8mgs for a while and ended up staying on 6 mgs for the majority of the time. I stayed anywhere from 4-6mgs until recently. 4mg AM dose/2 mg PM dose.

    Backstory:
    In May 2015 there was breaking news on TV notifying the State of Maine that Mercy Recovery center was closing for good. The entire state has been referring patients to Mercy for years and due to Medicare financial back-logs the business was running in the red for years. They had to close. I can’t really blame them. I honestly always thought that losing my insurance would be the kick in the *** I needed… It was this. I was given a list with recommendations. It was suggested I become a patient of a local pill mill or I find a doctor and restart my whole process with them (In my beginning years I did all the mandatory groups, doctor’s appointments, & UA’s. I have been seeing my current doc every 3 months for my script refill. I earned my place and completely starting over with someone else/weekly UA’s/groups was not an option). I became ready.

    Plan:
    I found this taper schedule that goes like this…seems like it will work well for me.
    2mg – 1.5 – 2mg – 1.5 (do for a week to 9 days)
    1.5mg (week to 9 days)
    1.5mg – 1mg - 1.5mg – 1mg (do for a week to 9 days)
    1mg (week t to 9 days)
    1mg - .5mg - 1mg - .5mg (do for a week to 9 days)
    .5mg (week to 9 days)
    .5mg - .25mg - .5mg - .25mg (do for a week to 9 days)
    .25, skip day, .25, skip 2 days, .25 skip 3 days, .25 skip 4 days
    2mg pill, then done. Not sure I will do this "kicker dose" or not.


    * Optional Ending Kicker Dose - The idea of the higher last dose, is to take advantage of the half-life property and extend the taper a few days more. The higher dose raises buprenorphine blood levels, without raising tolerance, and as this final dose metabolizes blood levels slowly decrease until reaching zero, thus extending the taper a few more days. That's the theory, but we know of no studies that have looked at this, only doctors who employ this in their taper plans and patients who have used it. It's up to you whether or not to include it.

    I’m going 'try' and avoid benzos. I really don’t need to have another issue.

    Diet/Exercise:
    I have been walking/jogging on treadmill for 3-5 miles each day. Everything I read points to exercise being key to returning your body to normal (or new normal). Once I got down to 2.5 mg I started taking a B12 dot each morning with a daily vitamin (gummy kind…I’m a baby I know). I’ve also been SOOO hungry lately. When I was stabilized, I would usually go all day without eating. I believe the sub was suppressing my hunger. It was not healthy, I know. I would eat at dinner and lots of snacks at night. Now I feel like I need to eat a bunch of times during the day. Just little snacks like fruit, yogurt, pita chips. I’ve been drinking a Gatorade every couple days. For the past 12 years I’ve been taking a fiber supplement in the morning with my coffee to move things along. I no longer need to do that. Once I got to 2mg I started to notice a few more bathroom breaks. This can be expected. I will attempt to do a daily log of symptoms, etc.

    W/D symptoms until I started keeping a journal:
    6mg – 3mg: Virtually no symptoms. I may have felt a bit restless but it was uneventful.

    2mg:

    • This is when I started to feel a ‘lack’ of something. After a week of being on 2mg I started taking it once a day instead of split dosing. I think it was mostly emotional symptoms. My nightly dose was always my bedtime happytime dose and I knew my sleep would change. The first couple nights I was a bit restless and slept light.
    • After 3 days of once a day dosing I started to feel it wearing off sooner (I realize it has a massive half life but I never-the-less felt it) and I started getting some of the first ‘actual’ w/d symptoms. Yawning a lot in the morning. I started to get a sensation of stretching my muscles…almost like I could easily over-stretch and pop them off the bone. Gross. Headaches. Seemed like I’m guaranteed a pretty good one everyday. I was taking too much Motrin but they didn’t help so I started taking Excedrin which worked ok. A hot rice bag helped as well. I also had a really achy lower back that was uncomfortable. Stomach issues…not quite diarrhea but close (so far just in the morning) Sounds like a lot but I’m trying to be detailed. 1 out of 10….my worst day was probably a 4 and my best day was a 1… so it sounds worse than it was. I have had a slight amount of anxiety though….These were my early symptoms.

    July 15, 2015
    4th day of doing rotating doses between 1.5mg – 2mg. (2mg)
    Sleep: 3 hours
    Dose: once daily, 2mg
    2mg Dose today at noon 2mg. Last night was the first night I really didn’t sleep well. I stayed up pretty late because I’ve adjusted to the mindset that if I felt I wasn't going to sleep….I’m just not going to bed. I completely understand that sleep is no longer a gift. I went to bed at 12:30am (used to get an easy 8 hours) and woke up at 5:15am (used to sleep to alarm (or over!) at 7:15).

    I have a new symptom where it feels like my fingers, hands, feet, & extremities are burning. Not bad but it’s new and annoying. I can not ignore it and go back to sleep. Basically, I just got up and had my coffee and played in the forums (been reading a lot). I walked on treadmill for 4 miles. It was hard to get going this morning. Not used of having so little sleep. I was pretty tired all morning at work. I can still feel that slight burning everywhere right now. Welcome to my new normal.

    July 16th to July 19th
    Rotated 1.5mg - 2mg
    Rather uneventful, no changes to note. Switched to 1.5mg on July 19th.

    July 20, 2015
    2nd day of straight 1.5mg
    (1.5mg)
    Average sleep: 6 - 6.5 hours
    Dose: once daily, 1.5mg

    Weekend was good. I’m back at work on a happy Monday. It’s going to be a really busy couple of weeks coming up. It’s hard to think about down the road. I’m in a position at my job that I really don’t have an option to ‘miss work’ for any length of time. My department used to have 4-6 people and now we have 1, me. One day at a time though. I’m getting used to feeling like this…It’s not bad though. Probably the worst part is the lower back ache in the morning and my neck doesn’t feel so great (neck = landed on it a couple times snowboarding). Pretty weak and tired until the afternoon after pill-time. This can all be expected. I’m learning that the worst adjustment days for me are 3-4 and after it evens out.

    This is all I have so far...slow and steady wins the race. I have enough stock to get me through a slow-taper which I should do...Its hard not to rush once your mind is made up but I want to do this correctly. I'm trying not to post daily until WD gets worse. Thank you for skimming my story! I hope I can look back one day .....and post to 'in the rear-view'.
     
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2016
  2. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    Hey, glad to see you started your thread! It is very helpful I think. Plus, once you are off the suboxone for a while, if you get any type of craving you can come back here and read your thread to remind yourself of what you went through to get off. We have a tendency to forget about all the suffering we went through as time passes. Reading your own story is a good reminder of that.

    One thing i would suggest - try to leave yourself enough suboxone to be able to adjust your taper as needed. It gets harder to adjust to the doses under 1mg (or at least it did for me, it sometimes took me a few weeks to adjust).

    Sounds like you you have a real good plan in place and are doing a lot of things right. Exercise is super helpful, especially for that restless feeling. Sometimes working out was about the only time I felt relief from the restlessness. Eating 4 or 5 small meals a day will help your energy levels too.

    Something that really helped me with the headaches - saline nasal spray. The more gentle version of the saline spray that comes in those little pressurized cans. It was one of the only things that helped with my headaches.
    Ginger root or ginger pills can be helpful for the stomach issues as well.

    Keep checking in! I look forward to reading your progress.
     
  3. eyedotz

    eyedotz Active Member

    Thanks Stuck. I felt like I put way too much info out there but THAT is what has helped me so far....99% of the time I wouldn't post but I read hundreds....My mindset seems to be in the right place. I really am getting used to feeling like this....I'm sure it will get worse though. I'm staying out of my head....for now.

    Trust me, I believe I have enough stocked up for the taper. Probably 130 2mg pills and my Dr. said he'd give me more if needed (don't think I will). Anyway, thanks for the advice especially about possibly slowing down once you get to/under 1mg. From the hundreds I posts I read I started to notice that the people that rushed off had a very hard time. I 'think' because it puts your body in shock instead of gradually feeling like crap like I am now. I think once you get used to feeling like crap...the jump won't be 'as bad' as jumping at a high dose. Again, this is just what I've comprehended so far....doesn't mean it will hold true... I shall let you all know.

    Also, another thing I noticed is a lot of people were on anti-depressants and that was messing with what they thought was the sub detox. I am only on sub and have always been.

    My Dr is a really great guy but he's also never been on subs...the grass is always greener, right? He is an addiction specialist and said he'd give me whatever I needed (non benzo/narcotic)...so when the time comes, I'll get clonidine, etc. For now, I'm getting by. Today seems like it'll be a tougher day... I'll possibly post later on. Keep reading guys/gals and hopefully I'll eventually provide some insight someday.
     
  4. eyedotz

    eyedotz Active Member

    So this is day 4 at 1.5mg. 1 of 10 it was probably a 5.

    Day 1, 2, 3 seemed ok to me...as it usually does. Last night was tough. I went to bed at 11:30p and woke up at 1:30am. Watched TV till 5:30am and went to bed for half hour. Not much sleep. Trust me I'm tired so that isn't the problem. I have this constant feeling of burning hands and feet. I can only describe as nerve pain....maybe my receptors are starting to clear a bit. Really annoying. It also felt good to have my feet on a cold floor...which was strange...they felt so hot. I wish I knew what was happening so I could try and find some relief.

    It probably didn't help yesterday when I took my pill that a bunch of people piled in my office so it was very difficult not to talk. I think I may have murdered my 1.5mg with a low absorption. In hindsight, maybe this is why I had such a crappy night (although it was also my 4th day of adjustment). I must have a very fast metabolism because although they are supposed to last 24+ hours.... I feel the lack rather quickly. Within 12 hours...I will not go back to split dosing no matter how bad the sleep is.

    I'm also thinking I may change my work-out schedule to midnight hours.... I am so dead in the morning and its really hard to get going. It seems when I wake up a night I'm pretty wired so I might give it a shot. Anyway, that's all for today. I will continue to update when there are hurdles or updates. Keep reading guys, hopefully I can offer one sentence that will give insight to someone... Peace guys.
     
  5. StuckonSubs

    StuckonSubs Well-Known Member

    I used to feel withdrawal symptoms sometimes as soon as 6 hours after taking a dose. I never figured out what the exact cause was but I think some of it was mental w/d symptoms (as they feel very physical). That's where the clonidine really helped me - I'd take one in the evening and it would take away a lot of that icky restless feeling (and they also make you drowsy when you first start taking them, so they helped me sleep). You might want to wait and ask your doctor for them when you get under 1mg (or even wait until you are off and use them during withdrawal). But if you can get them from your doctor, I don't see how they would hurt. I'm obviously not a doctor though, so you should definitely follow whatever advise he gives you regarding medications! lol

    Day 3-5 was usually the worst for me too, after a cut in dose. I wouldn't even usually notice the cut until day 3, but yen it would get somewhat intense sometimes for a few days. My body would usually adjust after a week or two though. Once I got under 1mg, it took longer to adjust. Sometimes maybe even 3 weeks or so before I'd start to feel a bit more comfortable.
    Just hang in there. It's all about banking days. Every day you make it through is one day closer to being free forever! And it's totally worth it in the long run, I promise you that!
     
  6. spring

    spring Administrator

    WOW! I came up with this theory years ago when Sub first flooded the US and until now have never heard anyone else mention it. Considering the nature of the drug, it made perfect logical sense to me.
    If you choose this method please let me know how it works out for you?
     
  7. eyedotz

    eyedotz Active Member

    I totally can not take credit for the 'kicker dose' thing. I've done a ton of research on tapering and found it here: Tapering off buprenorphine - Taper Schedule - Taper calculator

    I have not heard of many people being on as long as me so I did a ton of research on tapering, w/d, etc. This is the first time I've even considered quitting...something just clicked inside. I am low risk for relapse (at least from my original doc) because I have been away from that lifestyle for so long. I have literally spent almost 20 years between MMT and sub because I was stuck on a 'fix'. I'm ready to pay for my ticket. The scariest thing, for me, is I have no idea who I will be. Will I be ok? Will people still like me? Has my chemistry been messed for so long that there is no real 'healing'? I've come a long way in my life so sub saved me in a lot of ways. I wouldn't be where I am without it. But can I live without it? I think yes? I spent a lot of time arguing back and forth with myself but the louder voice is winning. My voice. Not the fear. This is something I read the resonated with me and I think about this statement sometimes:


    "I heard someone talking on the radio about struggling with anorexia, and her councilor told her to treat that little voice like a demon - like you are possessed. That the little voice doesn't represent you and doesn't have your best interest at heart. I know over the past 10 years, that voice has been my demon as I'm sure it has been for just about everyone else going through something like this."



    I realize I am still on a higher dose at 1.5mg but I can feel the changes in myself. After not crying for 5+ years I cry over the stupidest little youtube videos. I also stopped listening to music years ago...I thought it was just me but it seems like a side effect that a lot of people experience. Now music not only makes me feel better it gives me chills. I can't wait for some semblance of a sex drive to come back....my other-half has been very patient with me. Its these small things that push me further. I realize its a long road...but I know long roads.

    Anyway, Today is better than yesterday. I slept probably 6 hours...mostly because I was so exhausted from the day before. It seems that its def the 3-4th day I feel the drop the most. I'm now on the 5th. The burning feeling didn't bother me last night. I'll post again when either someone responds here or there is something to report. I should be fine until my next drop...Again, I thank everyone for reading. I know a lot of you don't post...it took me 2 months...I just hope someone can relate.

    Thanks for Stuck and Spring continue to support the people on these threads...it takes a lot to help complete strangers with this transition.

    Peace, dotz
     
  8. Fox face

    Fox face Moderator

    I'm glad you started your own thread. I really struggled with where's the girl I use to know and wasn't even sure who that was anymore, after coming off Subs. Patience is not my friend, but eventually I've made it back to my old self. I've been off subs for a year and 9 months now. I was only on Subs for 7 months, but the years on opiates that keep your receptors full, seems to be the same. I had no idea about all that. I am a happy person now, I have bad days, but a bad day is better than being chained to a substance. I'm glad you have support. I wanted my husband to understand and he just couldn't, mainly because of my actions, but it still seemed so unfair. I'm thankful to have my life and my family back! I had that moment (click in my brain) that said you have to stop and now before its to late. Keep your eye on the prize, it's totally worth the price!
     
  9. eyedotz

    eyedotz Active Member

    So something really strange… I hadn't updated the site since it changed its format. So I'm here now to do journal an entry and I lost probably half of it. I have no idea where the rest of it went and of course I didn't have copies.

    That really sucks. I guess all I can do now is just push on and start updating from today. Really wish I would've saved a copy somewhere else.

    Anyway, On one of my last updates I talked about switching to the strips to make tapering easier. I went from a 2 mg tabs to the strips… I was on 1 mg at the time. The first time I took the strips I had a reaction to it. It was a lot stronger than the tabs. At that time, I decided to lower my dose to make up for the strength of the strips. I have been on .82 mg since August 24. I've been kind of stuck. Not because I'm chickening out and not because I changed my mind… It's because of my job. I have just gone into the busy season of the year, I am the only one in my department since we had a major downsizing. I'm really struggling with being weak and tired all the time with the huge amount of responsibilities I have in a day. My plan is: To get through the week of September 14 and then continue my downward trend.

    I just wanted to update the people that have reading my posts. I apologize for all the lost entries as I had no control.

    At .82 mg I feel OK. I've been tapering A lot slower than originally planned but I feel like it's the right thing to do. I don't feel much different emotionally besides being tired from the lack of sleep. No matter what time I go to bed I can only sleep 5 to 6 hours tops… Most days a little over four. .82 doesn't sound like a lot but I guess it is. I've heard that once you get below 1 mg your body starts creating a semblance of endorphins… I have no idea if this is true. Anyway, I guess that's it for now. I'll update you guys if there's any changes or the end of September 18th rolls around.
     
    Fox face likes this.
  10. spring

    spring Administrator

    Your posts aren't lost. They are still hanging around on the old board. As soon as I can get to it, I will be bringing them all to the new board. We are missing all the posts from August 1st to the day we transferred, but they will be back soon.
     
    eyedotz and Fox face like this.
  11. eyedotz

    eyedotz Active Member

    Just wanted to add an update. Two days after I updated last time I decided to go down again anyway. I knew it was going to be very stressful at work these couple weeks but I felt adjusted and I felt like I was just ready. So I think I'm on day eight of .75. I keep finding it strange that every time I drop down the adjustment kind of feels the same. It doesn't feel much different each drop from getting under 2 mg. In a way, it kind of feels like I'm adjusting better… Maybe because I'm not so afraid of the unknown anymore.

    I keep expecting it to get worse… But it doesn't. I'm actually sleeping better these days. I still don't get more than six hours but I still consider that pretty good. Maybe this the amount of sleep and adult is supposed to have?

    I guess my frame of mind can help as well….If this would've happened years ago probably would've been pretty scared (I guess that's the difference of being ready). I haven't had one worry although I have no Doctor anymore, No prescription refills…… I just don't care anymore. I'm over it. I'm tapering once.

    I have no doubt when I finally jump my feelings might change. Anyway, I know this site is dead slow so I at least wanted to Update it for people that actually do read. If Anybody has any questions please let me know… I'll probably be dropping down this weekend 10 to 15% as my nightmare work week will be over. Peace guys, dotz
     
  12. eyedotz

    eyedotz Active Member

    I figured to do a quick update… I haven't done it for a while. I am on day five of .62 mg. For some reason I noticed I feel the taper the most on day 4/5..... At the beginning of my taper it was day 3/4. I continue to truck on….It's hard to believe I'm at .62 mg - it's been a long road.

    Mornings are tough. I just have no energy. I barely drink coffee anymore which in itself is strange. I forced myself to have a small cup every morning just so I don't get headaches. I used to work out in the mornings but I can't do that anymore. I have to wait until I get home from work and I end up skipping more than I used to. I know this feeling will pass. I know that exercise is imperative to healing.

    It's hard to believe my body can feel the difference between .75 and .62 mg. It just doesn't sound like much although I know it's not true. I was up this morning at 5:15. I just get so restless in the morning. I'm still trying to figure out if it's restless leg syndrome…… It kind of feels like I always have to stretch but I haven't really had that kicking sensation yet.

    The newest symptom I've noticed being on this dose is sweating. You know when you get the flu and you feel the cold sweats/chills? That's pretty much how it feels. I feel like I'm sweating when I'm not doing anything. Just thought I'd mention it… It's been a long time since I've had a new symptom.

    I have small moments where my feelings of motivation are very low but luckily they're few and far between. Every time I start to feel like the daily torture is taking it's toll… I Read some success stories on other sites. I really wish there were more people here sometimes. I'm glad to have a partner that is very patient although she she must be getting tired of me being tired all the time. Luckily she's got enough energy for three people.

    Well I suppose I should get ready for work. For anybody going through the same thing as me, hang in there… Theres going to be a light at the end of the Tunnel. Until next time…
     
  13. subzero

    subzero Member

    Hi eyedotz - Our stories have some similarities. I just posted mine (45 days Suboxone free after 11 years on it....). It's a few threads above yours. I jumped at .5mg. As a note, I think the 2mg 'Kicker Dose' will be beneficial. The evening of the day I jumped was without a doubt the most difficult. I don't know if it was just mental and the fear of it all, but I was reeling at about 2am after not dosing during the day. I ended up taking .25mg, then .5mg two hours later (about 4am) because nothing seemed to be happening. The next day was a dream, almost no withdrawal. Then the next evening was a bit tough, albeit sleepless, but nothing like that first night. By the third day, I knew I could do this and did. You've done everything right so far. Because you've exercised and continue to do so you will be surprised at how easy it will be. I really believe that. After it's all said and done, we have to continue to exercise and eat well. We have to earn our endorphins after being lazy all these years.....lol
     
  14. eyedotz

    eyedotz Active Member

    Hi subzero (& fox face for asking me what was up!)

    I'm still moving along. I've been on .5 for about 5 days. A couple days after posting last time I decide to change things up a little bit. For the time being I decided to do split dosing again. I was having a tough time in the mornings because my blood levels were jacked up so high and falling so low. So I've been taking three quarters of the dose in the morning in the other quarter around 7 o'clock at night. I'm glad that I went with single dosing for so long because it taught me what to expect. I was basically being tortured every day and now it seems to work better for me and the drops seem a bit easier. I have a feeling I'll be stuck at .5 until the end of October . It is unbelievably busy at work and the tasks of my dept fall solely on me. It's hard to believe I've come this far.

    Subzero: yes I have read your posts (before!) and I agreed the situation was close. I wish I could say I've continued working out as I should have. I've been slacking in that dept because of work. Going in early everyday and getting home late every night....and of course now I have a crappy cold ( it's kinda weird how it hides w/d symptoms!) .... Oh the excuses! I just need to make more of an effort but it's so hard with very little energy level. Can I ask a question? Once you jump is it comparable to the feeling of tapering drops? I'm yet to feel depressed like everybody says I will. I just have low-energy. I'm sure all this happens when it's completely out of my system and I body is recovering.

    I'm going to try and get below .25 before jumping... I need to get as low as possible and skip days (which I'm still yet to try)....Luckily my workplace is like a 2nd family so I can be open with some of them. Time off is probably not going to happen.

    Thanks for noticing I haven't posted for a while. It feels like somebody actually is listening out there. It can be a lonely world. I'll try to get my butt in gear and post more often.….Thanks guys
     
  15. leafy blue

    leafy blue Well-Known Member

    Eyedotz -

    Wow, you have come so far since your first post in July. Keep it up! You are well over half way there, I would think. Although, I don't have any experience with long acting opiates. But there is no going back now, not after all this.

    Please keep posting and keep moving forward. At this point, it's safe to say you are well on your way to a victory!

    - leafy
     
  16. subzero

    subzero Member

    Eyedotz - I continued Suboxone for 11 years primarily because of work. I was owner slave to mine. 7 days a week. I finally had to sell my business and it still took me one and a half years to finally begin to try to get off. Oddly enough, since you have what sounds like a good working condition, it might even help you to go into work. It would however, be best if you can get even one week off. You'll need to find time to sleep and it more than likely won't happen at night. Just remember that at the dose you're on it probably won't be as hard as you think. Franky, it was much more painful tapering for me than it was jumping off. All that thinking that still goes on, wondering when you can take that next dose, how's it going, etc. It's stressful because the body sure as hell doesn't want to taper. It wants to be free of the whole song and dance. For me it really helped to begin looking forward to the time I planned to jump. Make a time, even if it's two months out from now and begin rejoicing the time you'll jump instead of dreading it. It'll also make the tapering easier seeing that you're getting closer to the date.
     
  17. eyedotz

    eyedotz Active Member

    Strangely, I really don't feel afraid of the jump... I just keep plugging through every day one day at a time. Now that that big job at work is finally out the door… This weekend is my next taper. I'll probably go between .5 and .25.

    When I started reading about tapering I remember reading 'get a plan and stick to it'. My plan has gone every which way but it's still working. I think the greatest thing that I did to help me get this far was to go to once a day dosing for a while because it taught me what it felt like when your body was deprived the most..... Since I went to .5 I've been taking a little quarter sliver at night before bed just so I can sleep. It's helped me greatly with the frustrations during the day from not sleeping the night before. Because I was on once a day dosing for months it's not gonna be a big surprise (loss of sleep is what I dreaded most) and maybe that's why am not afraid. Its the energy level that kills me. Like everybody says…when you're busy you're fine...it's the mornings that are tough. I used to get up and work out every morning before I went to work and now I blow it off most days. I keep telling myself this is temporary. My damn back hurts all the time… I have this lower lumbar cracking in my spine. I can't imagine how the medication would cause it so I probably have an old injury exacerbated by the taper. Maybe it's just because I'm 39. I keep imagining how easy or the taper would've been if I was in my 20s….But I just wasn't ready then.

    For me, I'm going to try to work. I don't have much of a choice seeing I'm a department manager and I have no back up. I can, however, come in get stuff done and then go back home….I have probably 300 vacation hours so that's not really a worry. I can also work from home on my laptop when the physical stuff is done. I think I will be OK.​

    I'll try to update next week. I usually like to when I have something to report. When I do drops it seems that the fourth and fifth day that has always been worse for me and I'm not sure why….For other people it seem to be the third day. Man, after 12 years there's finally a light at the end. Sucks it's going to be winter when I actually jump. Peace everyone
     
  18. eyedotz

    eyedotz Active Member

    Me again with quick update.....something to keep this site active, I guess! Well its my 5th day at .375...hard to believe I've come this far. I'm still twice a day. I tear the .375 into 1/3's. I take 2/3 during the day and the other 1/3 at night. Honestly, I didn't feel the drop this time. I heard people say before that the hardest part was the going from 1mg to .5... I would have to agree. AND maybe it's because I was on .5 for over 3 weeks (way too busy at work!) and it unwound from my system more. I was thinking about dropping again this weekend but maybe I should wait a bit longer since it seems to work for me.

    It's weird looking at my last prescription (at least the one I'm filling....I have tabs on file but it's useless to me) of strips. I only have 4 strips left of my current so I'll need few more. I still don't know when I'll jump. 06? I'm just going to keep sliding down and see where I land! That's about it for now.... I'll update at some point! Talk to you all later.... :)
     
  19. Fox face

    Fox face Moderator

    Eye on the prize my friend!!
     
  20. eyedotz

    eyedotz Active Member

    Yep, I was wrong. I didn't avoid the w/d of the drop. Typical (for me) that it was 'around' night 5. Today is day 6 at .375. I'm still ok. I had a tough night of sleep with a lot of tossing and turning. Got up around 6am because there was no point. Once the sun peeks up over the horizon...that's it! Something I learned. Every now and then when I get up and have my cup of coffee (single cup. I can't drink more than that per day or it makes me feel like crap) I play around on the various sub sites to see what's new with people. I read this post (I honestly don't know where!) where this guy described something that clicked with me. He said he knows when the anxiety's completely mental because his head feels hot/feverish. I totally get it! It feels like a hot flash in your head.....For me, it was an important distinguishment. Just wanted to share that....since I'm in the throws of taping...I'll probably wait till next weekend to drop again. Later!
     

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