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  1. #1
    donaldstrike is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011

    Default heroin - a poem (*****)

    ... please also (read the) reply(/ies) with other poems - mine is a little bit too "structured"
    well - it wasn't but it became - :) - i'm sure there are some "real" poets out there ...
    (sorry for all the (,),/,+,-,.," and *(censored myself) **** + the truisms(we all know - so i know))

    heroin - a vicious circle of love and hate

    i fell in love with heroin (again?)
    it took away all my pain
    i felt pretty good
    it altered my sad mood
    i never was more satisfied
    it took over my body and mind
    i finally found joy throughout
    it all seemed senseless without
    i always knew it's an illlusion
    it will break my constitution
    i even cheated on my wife
    it can ruin your whole life
    i just don't cared about the true
    it will always hide it from you
    i really have to quit
    it wants me to stay with it
    and you hate it to feel so weak
    but your cravings reach a peak
    and sooner or later you lose control
    but it lets you play just another role
    and you only occasionally become clear
    but while on it you do not fear
    and you continue with the biggest lie
    but as a final consequence you'll die
    and it lets you believe don't even try
    but if you leave me i'll make you cry
    and you'll cry like a baby
    but there is hope for you maybe
    and it will release you from addiction
    but hard to stay clean with your sensation
    and you still can overcome any fake love
    but don't relapse or you'll be back above (your decision!)

    CH, DS


    written during detox and posted later - the story behind it

    (it's day 21 of another (different?) rehab(detox is over ... depression is here) at home)
    all i can do is talk and walk (away) etc. - boredom - let me post my poem
    (people(now?), music(joy?), movies(fun?) ... - rarely)
    and to try to bring another day behind me (sensless)
    i'm not alone at all but it feels like - you know what i mean?
    there are a lot of people and things around me and trying to help me -
    i just don't want them to help me and bother too much
    or even infect anyone else with this disease - drugsoul
    everlasting drug talk (especially during consumption) sucks anyway - i'm tired of it
    i try to go back to the real world - boring - but i do and it slowly helps
    i don't take any chemical medication (since i started to detox)
    nature has the ability to heal this disease completly
    very slow but otherwise the cure will last longer and finish later
    asap away from this (h)ell/opefully

    i'm a 36 year old dopesick(ds) guy
    i had a little bit a difficult child(/boy)hood
    (alcohol/violence/fear/escape ... seen/learned)
    i guess many of us had(/have) it
    in such a confusing world ...
    (and if not - doesn't matter - the drug(/h)
    itself will become a problem - sooner or later)
    - anyway - ... - though -
    life was ok (a long time ago)
    i felt rather happy - but -
    one day came - where -
    i felt a little bit "depressed" - and -
    i looked for a(n external) cure (the begining! ...)

    (i tried nearly all drugs/meds to "heal" myself)
    no success - it all became even worse
    as it always will if you consider to and
    do play with your brain chemistry (again)

    i made this little poem during my detox ct
    (2g h+c i.v. and 1-2 benzos o./day ... +++)
    at day 10 where i almost became insane
    (i tried to quit a 100+ times)
    after an addiction(slavery) for (~21) years
    (~3 months(2008) totally clean and
    ~7 years(1996-2003) away from h(ell))

    i want to share it with you
    so even if it holds only one away
    from this nightmare - it's worth it
    no illusion here at all ...
    i can't prevent nearly anyone
    and certainly almost any newbie
    (they won't be(/read) here(/this) - and if -
    they don't believe(/care about) the true - but -
    they believe to be so different - matter of time)
    from making their own experiences
    and learning their own lessons
    (in this case we're nearly all the same)
    unfortunately we just begin to think
    about it when we're stuck completely (... the end?)

    there's always a way out but you've to get
    as much help as necessary(/possible(loss of alternatives/self-esteem/hope)? - just my 2 cents)
    to conquer your life back for yourself (almost)
    but don't do it alone (you('ll) go round in a circle and give up - sol)

    it's not about shame/pride, weak/strong - and will
    (shame on me that my strong conviction
    which brought me further and returned my pride
    suddenly goes away and makes me feel weak) - will fades
    to start a sober life your will is desperately needed
    even more to keep you on the right track afterwards
    but don't focus your will on only to become sober (/stay clean)
    put in order your life - honestly/slowly - don't hesitate/overact
    use your will with sanity - else it will collapse

    it's about evil/good, hate/love - and luck
    (i hate this evil life, good reasons to look for love)
    get (who/what/when)ever it needs(/takes) - good luck
    if you've luck and you
    don't lost everything that once was important for you
    and you don't hurt too much people even yourself
    so you don't ruined/destroyed your whole life - yet
    then there is a chance - go fix it

    if you're devastated
    don't waste your will( and )power at an impossible task
    accept your addiction for a while - keep it as cheap as possible
    try to put in order your life first - don't further destroy it
    take action - luck will come back - slowly
    someday ... - you'll have enough ...
    to fight this battle - ... successfully
    never surrender - please stand up

    btw ******* society(non addicts) don't knows (/gives) a **** about ******* addiction
    (it had to be - sorry)
    but how could they even imagine with their lack of own experiences - so they're excused?
    (do we? - we can only make guesses and advices from our own experiences - within our tunnel vision)
    "beyond your tunnel vision reality fades away like shadows into the night"

    ... i try to ... - i guess -
    my(/our) brain(s) forgot about how to
    deal with the heaviness of reality (/life)
    we have to learn it again - step by step
    in the past (as babies and children)
    we went through it before - noticed/cared?
    remember? - guess not - even if it took so long
    this time we will and it will take even longer
    "the higher you fly the deeper you fall"

    i'm still on the run away from this beast
    (actually it just has begun)
    and i/you can never stop again
    (until the end of my/your life)
    only slowing down from time to time
    and relax a little bit more as time goes by
    or it will catch me/you once again
    (once addicted - always addicted)
    but you(/i) gave(/give) me(/you) hope(?)
    it's all about hope, isn't it?

    please write down your own thoughts/feelings (has not to be a poem) and keep them
    it will help you (if not now) to remember all the mess (if you read it again)
    else memories will fade away (tremendously fast) and/or cheat on you
    (at least I think that might be helpful - never tried before - i wanted but i forgot;)
    as a matter of fact - deep inside human beings - we always want more - guess what -
    (can i just do it once (again) to get the full relief? - you can('t handle it?) -
    you've to pay for it - the further you go the more - once is a visit twice a relation -
    accept it and face the consequences - else you'll enter the vicious circle (again))
    if you just started to or you('ll) play again the game of salvation with drugs(/h)
    (no doubt about the final salvation - death) - stop it now - it's not a game at all
    and if you (really) want to live then leave this life sucking ***** asap - you can

    thanks again
    Last edited by donaldstrike; 01-22-2011 at 03:31 PM.

  2. #2
    GerbilCookies is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011

    Default Re: heroin - a poem (*****)

    Thanks Donald.......Always nice to raed things others have written. There is a lot of truth in what you ahve written. I hope you don't mind if I join you and post one too?

    Can someone remove the floor from my face?
    There's Cheerio's and despair all over the place.
    How heroin got me here
    It's uncertain - yet rather clear.
    A cruelty that I can't explain;
    Yet I need it just the same.
    It slowly dances in my arm
    And sings to me it's magic charm.
    Left again on the dance floor alone
    Beneath a hat I've since outgrown.
    My last teardrop disappears through the floor.
    Dear God; I don't want to dance anymore.
    But I softly sway to the distant beat
    As the vibrations massage the soles of my feet.
    Embrace my lover once again
    Dance into eternity with heroin.
    Only to be left on the dance floor alone
    Beneath this hat that I've since outgrown.
    On my knees with no tears left to cry
    Why do you dance solo when I'm begging to die?

  3. #3
    donaldstrike is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011

    Default Re: heroin - a poem (*****)

    thanks gerbil (you made my day(21))

    very beautiful
    pretty (and) scary as it is
    i hope you manage(d) it
    good luck

    you're(/i'm) not alone

    btw - i search (my) sleep (/calm/peace)! - anyone found it (some(where/how/time))?
    peace be with you (all)

    sooo ... i'll be off for a while again
    (i appreciate any comment and/or advice)
    Last edited by donaldstrike; 01-17-2011 at 10:32 AM.

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