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  1. #1
    Goodmom809 is offline Junior Member
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    Default Please help me help my son

    My 21 year old son is a heroin addict. He went through detox and rehab 6 weeks ago after coming to his dad and I for help. The insurance company would only pay for 2 weeks of rehab. He and we wanted him to go for 90 days, but what could we do? He came to live with me and my husband because his dad said he couldn't have him at his house.

    He did well for 2 weeks, then started using again a week ago when he hooked up with a girl with whom he'd been in rehab. (She checked herself out pretty quickly.) Her DOC is oxycodone, but that didn't stop her from helping my son get heroin.

    Last night I found his stash (not hidden very well) and he began his detox. Tonite it's getting bad. His legs hurt and he says he wants to jump out of his skin. He also says that even though he doesn't want to do heroin any more, he wants to do it right now to stop the pain.

    He also wants to go to a long term rehab, but he's just been dropped from his dad's insurance because they found out he's not in school.

    I want to send him out of state (we live in Illinois) but don't know where to turn. I've been online, but it seems like I can't learn very much there.

    Please, someone, help me help my son. Help me help him get through this detox, and help me figure out where he should/can go.

    S

    Goodmom809
    Goodmom809

  2. #2
    jdude's Avatar
    jdude is offline Senior Member
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    Welcome GM....there are alot of detox and rehab facilities available. Just beware,alot of them are using suboxone. Go informed.

    If he's in the midst of detox,clonidine will help. Needs a script,but you may even be able to get it at a 'doc in the box'.

    If you could find a GOOD suboxone doctor....one that would script it LOW dose..SHORT term, that may be a reasonable option. Atleast to buy a little time to find a good detox/rehab facility.

    Godspeed
    Jay

    <center>You can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking that caused them in the first place.</center>

  3. #3
    Freefly's Avatar
    Freefly is offline Senior Member
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    Goodmother,

    I feel your pain my friend we are in the same situation. My son went to rosecrans? In Rockford this summer but insurance only covered 20 days 3 days later he OD'd on pills and booze back to a psych ward for 4 days no more insurance. He is also introuble with the court systems but they only offer Juvie, he is almost 16 Illinois stinks for treatment.

    Where do you live in Illinois, you can send me a private message if you like. I am also in recovery for heroin too it is hard to kick it but once the first 5-8 days go by your son will be fine but he needs to have a total life style overhaul. Friends, etc. I am in Oswego and we have a lot of great AA meetings. I suggest your son get into some kind of a 12 step program it saved my ***. If you are close to me i am more then glad to introduce your son to a better world. I will also send you my cell number too. Check your PM ( private Messages at the top of your screen)

    Tim

    Day by Day is the only way

  4. #4
    Freefly's Avatar
    Freefly is offline Senior Member
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    you can e-mail me at recruiterryan@gmail.com

    Day by Day is the only way

  5. #5
    AgonyandIrony is offline Member
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    Hello, Im sorry to hear you are soo torn up over this. But you should be, this is very serious. You stated you wanted to find long term treatment, not sure about that. If you wanted to send him to another 21 day program, I might be able to help...

    Not sure where in Illinios you are, but if you are near St. Louis, then check this out... I just completed a 21 day in-patient program on Sept. 21st, I was detoxed (subutex for 5 days), and taught many things about behavior that is keeping me clean. When we recognize our flaws, its easier to deal with them. But remember, WE have to want it, for it to work!

    So, The name of this place is called Bridgeway Behavorial Health. It is State funded, and the people there saved my life. Not sure how it would work being you live across the river, but do this...

    Call Terry James at this number, 314-226-9030, and leave a message. If you dont get a response, KEEP CALLING! Tell him what is going on, he will help you. Good Luck...

    *Addiction is a process, not an event...

  6. #6
    Goodmom809 is offline Junior Member
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    Jdude, - my son has been on Suboxone since his first detox. Of course, since he's used, I guess it's been off and on. While he was in his first rehab, he said the suboxone helped him so much - he had absolutely no cravings. Once he came home, it didn't seem to be as effective, probably because he didn't have the support of the folks in rehab anymore.

    Tim - I sent you an e-mail.

    Agony - thank you for the info, but this is the type of program he was in 6 weeks ago. I believe it saved his life at the time, but without some sort of aftercare, it wasn't enough.

    Update on the detox - he feels like crap, but no stomache issues yet. No sleep, either. He has an appointment with his sub doc late this afternoon - maybe she can help.

    Goodmom809

  7. #7
    teddyb's Avatar
    teddyb is offline Senior Member
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    Hi goodmom, I sent you an email about a facility that I would highly recommend. They can get him off of suboxone and onto a better life. they will insure he has aftercare when he returns home. the biggest thing is HIS motivation. He has to want to be clean more than you want it for him. Im sorry for what you are going through. Please let me, or any of us, know if we can help.

  8. #8
    AgonyandIrony is offline Member
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    quote:Originally posted by teddyb

    The biggest thing is HIS motivation. He has to want to be clean more than you want it for him.
    This IS the biggest factor in getting/STAYING clean. It really doesnt matter if you go to Promises in Malibu, or to the local Salvation Army. Either he is going to do the work, or he is not.
    Good Luck.

    *Addiction is a process, not an event...

  9. #9
    Goodmom809 is offline Junior Member
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    teddyb, I got your message. Thank you very much! My son called the place and got all the info and seems very willing to go there.

    Now the bad - He asked if he could use my car to go to a meeting tonite and I said yes, causing a huge fight between my husband and I. Afterwards, I got in the other car to check the meeting place to make sure my son was there and couldn't find my car. I texted my son asking where the meeting is and got no answer. Two more texts, and I tried calling him 13 times - no answer. I am heartbroken. I'm sure he will lie to me when he comes home, saying either I didn't see his car, or that he decided to go to a meeting in another town.

    Goodmom809

  10. #10
    Goodmom809 is offline Junior Member
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    Son just called saying he had no service in the basement of the church he was at. I told him I drove over there and didn't see the car. He insists he was there, and says I can search him when he gets home, that he has no money, so can't get anything even if he wanted to. I could have missed seeing the car...it's a new one with new license plates and ... I'm just fooling myself, aren't I?

    Just change my signature to "stupid mom"

    Goodmom809

  11. #11
    formygirls Guest

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    GoodMom.
    You are just that.
    a GOOD MOM.
    My two are still toddlers.
    I would have gone over there.
    if i didn't see the car,
    i would've probably got out.
    went physically into the meeting
    to see for myself.

    But.....
    you can't really embarrass him like that either.
    From what I've read,
    Your son seems honest.
    he's communicating with you.
    he's showing real interest in
    reaching out to YOU for help.
    These things in my humble opinion are HUGE.
    especially for an addict like myself.
    communication is KEY.
    He called you back.
    I might be off track here and
    i like to give out the benefit of the doubt
    like i do candy on Halloween,
    but....
    something strikes me as valid here.
    If he was out using,
    my guess is that he wouldn't have
    called you back at all.
    His f**k it all demon would've been
    telling him to blow you off, deal with you later.
    right now.........let's get it on.

    I hope i'm right here.
    I'm only speaking from my personal addict experience.
    not done heroin, but drugs is drugs is drugs.

    Don't give up the hope i know you have.
    hard to trust again....
    that'll take time.
    don't let him see you losing hope.
    might be what he's hanging onto as well.
    take care.
    give him a big huge hug....
    xoxo

  12. #12
    teddyb's Avatar
    teddyb is offline Senior Member
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    Default

    goodmom, dont change your name. Or if you do,make it 'normal mom'. Ive been there, checking up on my daughters stories. Ive been bitterly disappointed when they proved to be lies. I dont know if you missed seeing the car, but I do know about addicts. Trust your gut. If it tells you that you couldnt have missed it, you didnt. Yes, maybe there wasnt cell phone reception, but you wouldnt have missed the car. Better you would have dropped him off, but thats no guarantee. You cant make him clean, only he can. You can drug test him. Trust is based on fact. Ask him to prove hes clean. If hes willing to go inpatient and you can do it, do it. But he has to want to be drug free. He may say he wants it because he knows you expect it, but does he want it? Will he post here onhis own thread?? I know the horrible lead weight you are carrying because of his addiction. The more you carry it, the less he has to. This weight is all his. You have to go against the instincts of what a normal mom would do. He gets clean or..... Ill tell you, I had to detach from my daughter- get her out of my life- before she woke up. It was beyond horrible, but it came down to that and 6 months later, she wanted to try- for her, not for me. I just couldnt live with it any more - the lies, the phone calls I dreaded, the tears, the mistakes.... Goodmom, what does your son really want for himself? I agree with formygirl, the call back could be significant, but my experience with checking on my own girl tells me something was up- he thought about using, he used.... something. Drug test him and get the truth, even if it hurts, it'll be the truth. you deserve it-both of you. Once you face the truth, you'll figure out your next step- for you. And he will have to figure it out for hiimself.... thinking of you, hugs

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