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  1. #1
    Rulebrkr is offline Senior Member
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    Default Dad is an 80 yr old alcoholic - referred family to this site

    Hi all. I've been posting here for awhile and think it's a great resource. My dad is an alcoholic and I am an addict and I referred her to this site to learn more about addiction. She and my other siblings want him to stop drinking but he has no desire to and I have been trying to explain to them that he will not quit for us and that we cannot do anything to make him quit - that he has to do it for himself.

    Point is I'm not sure this is the right place but it will give her some insight into the nature of addiction and help her not feel so guilty. So, please welcome her and gently point her in the right direction if this is not the right place for her questions. I told her what a lifesaver this site is for me and I'm hoping she will at least lurk and learn. CLS I love you and yes it's me.

  2. #2
    Rulebrkr is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Dad is an 80 yr old alcoholic - referred family to this site

    She/her refers to my sister.

  3. #3
    peacenik is offline Administrator
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    Default Re: Dad is an 80 yr old alcoholic - referred family to this site

    Rulebrkr,
    I think it's a real good idea :) Maybe both you and you'r sister could read the "Family and Friends" section. And another great resource is Alanon. There are meetings all over and you can meet people who are dealing with the family issues that are so common.

    I too had an alcoholic father and beyond dealing with his alcoholism, you might find you, and your sister, have carried with you some scars from childhood. A real interesting org that helped me a lot:
    Welcome to Adult Children of Alcoholics - World Service Organization, Inc.

    good luck
    Dave

  4. #4
    Rulebrkr is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Dad is an 80 yr old alcoholic - referred family to this site

    Thanks Dave. I will for sure check it all out. We spent the weekend together talking about memories from our youth. She is much older than me and remembers her dad as being real fun/funny drunk. By the time I came around he was the angry mean drunk. The kids all want him to stop (we recently had to move him into assisted living so no one knew the extent to which he drinks - at least a case of beer a day) and I was telling her what I've learned and what I know about addiction. And that getting him to stop bc we want him to won't happen.

    I will search thru the other threads and have her do the same.

    Thanks again for your help.

  5. #5
    teach07 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Dad is an 80 yr old alcoholic - referred family to this site

    Hey....I saw the title to this thread and wanted to share my experience.....My father is 87 and he is also an alcoholic. He had 10 years sober and then resumed his drinking after my Mothers death ( 10 years ago). To tell you the truth, I have gotten to a point where I feel that if he wants to drink thats his choice. He has a full time caregiver in the home with him and is basically an invalid. I know from personal experience that we only stop using when we are ready. The one thing that has helped me more than anything is acceptance. I have to accept him for who he is. Its not for me to understand why he does what he does or more importantly why he acts as he does.We tend to have high expectations of our parents and we forget they are human just like us. I spent many years trying to control what went on in my parents home when he was drinking and can still get really caught up in trying to control my fathers actions today. It simply doesnt work. When i let go and do only what I can , I find life to be sooooo much better......



    Carol
    Anything worth having is worth working for!

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