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Thread: Michael's Story

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    Default Michael's Story

    Feb 19,2004
    quote:Originally posted by michael___

    Hi everyone, amazed (but relieved) to see such a large community of folks in the same predicament helping one another.
    I am currently 6 days into a cold turkey detox from a 160 mg. a day percocet habit. that's (16) 10mg/650 percocet a day for those who want the specifics. It's the second time I have done it by stopping cold, i did it once a little more than a year ago but my habit was less than half that amount then and was much less painful when I stopped. I stayed opiate free for 2 and a half months and one boring night I ate a few percocet and a couple vicodin and picked right back up where I left off, after that my intake accelerated rapidly though.
    This has been brutal, the first few days were way beyond anything I anticipated, fortunately I have the house to myself this week. I am indeed over the hump physically now---but I have one major problem, the obvious, and if anyone has ideas on how to help I would really appreciate it. I haven't slept in 5 days, straight up---I may fall into a trance on the couch during the day for 40 minutes a few times, but I wake up drenched in sweat and anxiety. My appetite is back, and I have been treating my dog to long walks during the day to get some exercise, but damn, nighttime rolls around (and believe me these have been the longest days of my life----they go on for weeks)and I'm sure that tonight is the night I'll get some sleep. No deal though, it's like my body is sparking with electricity, crazy legs and all. How many days can this go on I wonder---my body has to give at some point--is it even possible to sleep for 2hrs a day for this long without something breaking down? The emotional end of this is brutal too----depression hits me in waves hard, anxiety attacks, guilt, doubt, etc. I was king of the world this time last week and now I feel like I've been chain whipped.
    I guess what I want is sleep advice, and to tell my story. As I read thru these threads, it's amazing how many of us are in the same predicament. When can I realistically expect to get a good night's sleep? Or even like 5 consecutive hours....
    thanks, Mike
    Feb 19,2004
    [quote]Originally posted by michael___

    Thanks so much for your responses, like I mentioned, I found this board thru a google search and was lurking before I posted. I even tried the recommended Immodium AD route during detox, but it's hard to measure whether it did anything at all because I didn't taper, and I was totally incapacitated the first few days. The first 4 days were miserable, I'll spare you the details since it seems like a lot of people here already know what it's about. That having been said, I did want to share one other experience I had, which surprised me. I held onto about a dozen 10 mg. percocets and they wre sitting in my desk drawer calling me thru the first few days. I was going to "get around" to throwing them away but I never bothered to, of course while I was trembling in agony, unable to get up off the floor I knew they were there and could end my suffering in minutes. I didn't take even one, but yet I didn't throw them away either. Until yesterday. It took me 5 days to throw them away, and an additional 10 minutes with the bottle in my hand to flush them down the toilet. It broke my heart to do it, I won't lie, watching them go down in a whirlpool. It sounds overly dramatic, but it was a profound moment in my life and I couldn't believe that I just trashed them like that. It focused me afterwards though, how could a dozen pills made in some lab be that important to me? What have I become? I've been a serious pillhead for 4 years----totally full-time, but what am I now that I'm straight? What did I used to enjoy doing socially 4 years ago before I got
    ~Do the Right Thing and Risk the Consequences~






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    Update April 15.....
    Originally posted by michael___

    hi all, i wanted to post a message and let everyone know that i am alive and feeling great and approaching three months w/o a single pill. this board has helped me very much and i wanted to keep visiting to try and offer my insight in the hopes that maybe it could help someone else that is in my shoes. here are some observations that i've made after a few months: it is a slow road but things get better every day. if you are patient, after awhile the rewards will be plainly visible---even in your physical appearance. this good feeling builds momentum, the depression goes away, as you get control of your life back you will feel better about yourself proportionally and with every day you'll find yourself thinking about pills less and less. there is a slight, how do i say this, learning curve after you stop using. the first time i had to drive my car was on like day 5 of detox and i was totally uncoordinated behind the wheel, i was braking with a lead foot, speeding up, slowing down. socially, i was spaced out when trying to hold up my end of a conversation. i would pick up the phone to make a call and dial my own number, it was almost comical. my sleep patterns were totally trashed, everything took some getting used to again basically, even the most common things. i wasn't comfortable in my own skin. this lasted awhile, but like i said, everything seemed new again at first to me. i was a full time percocet/oxyhead for 3 years so of course "reality" seemed foreign. again, things got increasingly better until i was fully lucid at last. now the floodgates have opened and i am reaping rewards in my home life as a husband and father, professionally, spiritually, and especially physically and mentally. life is not easy though and i don't mean to make it sound like every day is great for me. i am so much better equipped now to deal with my problems though. everytime life throws me a curve, the temptation to get high does still pop into my head, if only for a second. whether it's an argument with my wife, a bad day at work, whatever. these are all just ways of rationalizing the drugs tho---you need to be strong and not let these temptations bite you in the ***. i have been down this road before and relapsed. all that hard work down the toilet. many of the people here know the drill---"i'll just take one pill, before i was taking 30 pills--what's the big deal if i eat just 1 tonight" etc. Then you relapse and you're back in the same place as before and usually worse. If you are committed to getting off pills forever you'll need to stay strong. The good news is that there's a lot of support out there available for folks like us. This board is a great example. There are a lot of people in our shoes that don't address their sobriety in a proactive way. Hopefully if you are coming to this board and reading this message then you are not one of them. The people here are wonderful and know what you are experiencing. Anyway, that's my 2 cents---thanks again to everyone here.-Michael
    UPDATE JUNE 8
    [quote]quote:Originally posted by michael___

    hello my friends, i thought i'd check in----i worry that my family will view my browser history and see that i'm at heroin-detox.com----this week will mark 4 months of sobriety for me and i wanted to stop by and get caught up on the new threads and let everyone know where i'm at. i have found myself thinking about pills a lot again---- the weather has gotten nice and i've resumed a semi-social life. for awhile i was cruising thru the days pill free and it didn't cross my mind too often, recently i've found myself dreaming about drugs and having to really knuckle down to not slip back into the old routine. i was hoping that i was past craving opiates, but for some reas

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    UPDATE July 11, 2004
    quote:[Originally posted by michael___

    hi everyone, wanted to check in and say hello. i see that my post history is a sticky topic in the "freedom from hell" forum, which is flattering, i think anyway! i'm still 100 percent pill free after 5 months (altho i was hoping it was 6 months, but whatever)and i wanted to give an update. the craving for opiate narcotics never really seems to go away unfortunately but it's not as bad as it was early on at least. i guess this might be considered a "dangerous time" for me because it's been long enough now where getting high once might not seem like such a big deal. i wonder if it will be any different 2 years from now. it's summer up here in the northeast u.s. and i feel like going out and having a good time but i end up at the relapse crossroads too often, people i haven't seen in awhile offering me drugs. i actually have dreams some nights of bottles of percocet and fentanyl patches and bathtubs filled with vicodin. how crazy is that? what a strange life. it's very hard to run in the same social circles as i used to but these are some very longtime friends that i don't want to lose touch with. sometimes seeing them suffer with addiction is a nice reminder of where my life was at; i try and gently suggest that they clean up their hands but i have never been one to preach. at the risk of being redundant, let me say this, the initial detox from opiates is a very courageous step, but sobriety is an ongoing process-----relapsing after 6 months, or a year or two is no good either. i have been through it and if you start getting high again one thing is for certain, you will be very unhappy. please stay strong and as cliche as it may sound, take one day at a time. yes it can seem boring----but as richard nixon said in his farewell speech, unless you've been to the lowest depths of the valley you can't appreciate standing at the top of the highest mountain. or something like that.

    wow, i just tried to quote nixon, i don't even know if it was relevant but it was still pretty cool. -michael

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