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  1. #1
    Crystal Guest

    Default Big set back for me~

    So, I've been dealing with a lot of pain, off and on for a while now. RE: Lymphnodes!
    Usually they flare up and go away...this time, I've had to deal with the devil. IT HURTS BAD~
    My left lymphnode has swelled and has not gone down for days.
    I've been to the ER. several times and FINALLY a "GOOD" doctor stepped up and did alot of tests.
    Finally came back that I have an infection somewhere in my body, causing the horrible pain/lymphnode swelling.
    I've had no choice but to take my love of pills, just to cope.
    I just got back from the ER. and wanted to post.
    I've sorta felt like a failure with all I've been trying to accomplish, but this pain has me saying "So what"
    One thing I've learned, is at least I try.
    I don't STAY DOWN when I fall.
    I've gotta give myself that much!
    Once this pain goes...so does the pills. AGAIN!
    Hope I haven't let anyone down. Sorta hands down with this.
    I go to a ear/nose/throat doctor to see if their is infection IN my ear. I guess I have a hole in my left ear...the same ear as my lymphnode problem.
    Ok, gotta go lay down now.

    Sleepless...I hope your doing ok girl. Been thinking of you!
    :)

    Communicate,Validate and Appreciate!

  2. #2
    sleepless is offline Senior Member
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    Hi Crissy :)
    Ummm, I'm not quite sure what has happen here after reading the other thread that you started *I've Noticed*...It was locked by spring and I must respect her wishes to do so...I'm not gonna get into whatever has happen during the time that I myself have had my head in the clouds and dealing with so many horrible issues in my own life..

    I just wanted to let you know that I hate knowing that you've had to go back on pills for health issues...You were making such great progress, and I'm sure you will once again when the pain issues are behind you and long gone..

    With my deepest sincerities I honestly hope that you don't make the choice to leave the forum, BUT if you choice to do so I will respect your wishes also...I pray that you will keep in touch with me via e-mail and let me know any & everytime you need anything...Just remember that you are my friend and I will never turn my back on you, but will do my best to support you in all your endeavors:)
    Much love & many prayers for you sister...Sara

    Take Care & God Bless :)

  3. #3
    Loop is offline Senior Member
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    Hi Crystal,[8D]
    I don't mean to stick my nose in as I have no idea why you might be leaving the forum.I just wanted to say how much help you have been to me Crystal-just reading your posts has helped me through such difficult times.It would be a real shame if we lost you as you're such a valuable member and I'm sure you've helped so many people in their hour of need here.I'm sure you have good reasons though and I respect that.Don't feel bad about being back on your pills - you aren't turning to them because of your addiction but because you need to use them in their correct capacity (just make sure you do!;)).I hop you're ok anyway and Get Well Soon!:D
    LOL Loop :)

  4. #4
    Crystal is offline Senior Member
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    Kenn., Wash., USA.
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    "I'm Baaaaaaaack"

    I noticed this post back and so I thought I would post.

    I appreciate you guys taking the time to email me personally and find out how I'm doing. It means alot and I hardly even know you guys.

    For my health issue...I'm alll better now and so freakin' releaved the pain in gone. It's crazy how something so small could hurt so freakin' bad.

    Sad thing is, although the 'lymphnode' was NOT and I do repeat, "NOT" an excuse for me too use(although I was sorta happy...what 'addict' wouldn't be) I haven't gotten back up yet.
    Was gonna this morning and then a blast from the past called (7:00am) SO...off down the road I went.

    I will get back up tho. I'm learning how too. I'm not liking the fact that I keep screwing up...but I'm learning.
    Some addicts say that they've tried over and over and over to get clean until they finally did. I've only tried, REALLY TRIED, 3 times. Is that an excuse? I dunno!


    Well, thanks again for being so caring. I really appreciated it alot.
    :)
    Love ya!
    Crystal

    Communicate,Validate and Appreciate!

  5. #5
    Loop is offline Senior Member
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    Hell I can't criticise if you're up down or in the middle cos I'm all over the place too!I'm not use..ing but I did use twice last Friday n Monday.I didn't even like it that much!For once its not gear that's my problem.I just feel like my bottoms dropped out or something!Can't explain it but at the moment I can't get passionate about anything apart from hiding away in my flat.

    I'm just glad this is resolved.Its been making me really miserable seeing evryone falling out across the forums.I hope you get back up Crystal cos we all know that the longer you stay down,the harder it gets to get back up.I'm thinkin of you babe!

    We don't need to know each others intimate details here-we share a common bond n that's enough!

    LOL Loop:D

  6. #6
    Crystal is offline Senior Member
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    I was just reading my own post above and actually shreeked at it.
    Can't believe I said what I said at the bottom....re; that I've only actually tried 3 times to stop! EXCUSE? YES~
    sorry about that~

    Communicate,Validate and Appreciate!

  7. #7
    Loop is offline Senior Member
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    Its amazing what our 'inner junkies' can convince us is true! ;)

  8. #8
    Apheana is offline Senior Member
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    Crystal,
    This might be my inner junkie but for every one day we are clean that is another day we tried. It just gets better and looks better when we have a lotta days in a row! Good luck girl and stay strong. When I would have to go on pain meds I was happy at first, the addict in me but then after a day or two I was guilty because I did not want that high anymore. Its not who I am anymore. Maybe in time that will happen for you?

    :D

    ***Live, Laugh and Love***

  9. #9
    pinkie is offline Senior Member
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    Let's all agree that we have "outer junkies" and "inner selves".

    It's just that our "outer junkies" are so sneaky, they sometimes whisper quietly so they fool us into thinking they're IN us. But, because we all know the truth, (as evidenced by our desire to get/stay clean), it's apparent that we are ourselves and each of us has the answer, if we can still the junkie/critic and respond to our own inner truths.

    I know it's true, how about you?

    Sidhartha Pinkie OHM

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