Information in this forum is not monitored or provided by a medical professional. The information reflects member opinions only. Do not act on advice from these forums without first consulting a qualified medical professional. No professional addiction advisors are recognized by the owners, admins, or moderators, even if the member states such status. All content is copyrighted and protected by Aelius Group. DO NOT use any information that can identify you in these forums. If you do, a google search can link your addiction post to your name causing harm to your future activities including employment.
I read a lot of how tough it is to be clean, but the bottom line is you truly have to want it or it won't happen. You can say all day you want it then run out and fix that day, but then you have to realize you really didn't want to be clean at all.. You wanted something else.. Perhaps sympathy or maybe you wanted to fool someone else...a wife, cousin, parent or even a child, but the bottom line is if you want to clean you can do it.. You have to want it because last time I checked nobody gets a gun put to thier head and someone saying use and enjoy the buzz or else.. That simply doesn't happen..
If you want it you'll do it.. If not you won't.. Is there another reasoning I'm missing here? I think not... Then again, I could be wrong.. I doubt it though..
I go to alot of meetings and there is this guy there that says it best. You have to want it more than anything, or you maight as well give up until you do. I couldn't agree more. So, how do we arrive at this point? For me it was not until I experienced utter desperation and defeat, even then I have in the past gone back. Staying clean is a simple yet very difficult thing to do. There are ways that are proven to work fairly well for alot of people. Getting to the point where we will actually do these things no matter what is the hard part to me. When I keep up my recovery plan and choose every day not to use because I truly do not want to, I stay clean. I can even want to use for short periods of time and not do it. Like today, I am layed out cause of my back pain, some opiates would help me to work but are not worth the risk of triggering my brain switch. Once the switch is flipped, I'm fuked! And I might not even know it. A big part of staying clean is admitting that I don't have all the answers. When I don't know what to do I turn to someone who has more experience in life and has been clean for a while and ask then for help. Just a few quick thoughts, great subject, thankx! Be well...
"It is too miserable a way to live to die addicted!"
quote:Originally posted by mramell
[br]You can say all day you want it then run out and fix that day, but then you have to realize you really didn't want to be clean at all.. You wanted something else.. Perhaps sympathy or maybe you wanted to fool someone else...a wife, cousin, parent or even a child..
Yes, you do have to want it to be truly successful, but it's not that simple. Many, many people have relapsed when no one else even knew they were addicted or trying to stop -- these people aren't looking for sympathy or fooling anyone. Addiction being the great deceiver that it is, fools you into believing all kinds of lies, and when in w/d, it's very difficult to trust what you're thinking -- unless you're knowledgable and prepared, you don't know what to believe. The mind can create real pain to fool you into thinking that you need something for it -- that has nothing to do with getting a "buzz". In fact, most addicts don't use to get a buzz... they're way beyond that. They use to get STRAIGHT, to feel normal.
It's not a cut and dry matter of sheer willpower. Some people are emotionally stronger than others, addiction is very complex condition, and timing is everything. Many, many, many addicts relapse time and time again before they're strong enough to truly overcome it -- some never do -- and this does not make them *weak*, but simply not as ready as they thought they were. That doesn't mean they don't WANT to do it. Withdrawal is a very powerful deterrent, and that's not even close to the hardest part.
My point is that yes, you have to want it... you can't do it for someone else. But relapsing does not equal NOT wanting it.
PS -- Marcosis, I liked what you said about not knowing all the answers. So true! Thanks for that.
I guess because I'm at a library and get pressed for time, like now, I tend to over simplify things I want to say and I did that here. Of course pure willpower isn't the only thing, but I've seen a whole lot of addicts and the vast majority (not all) just aren't ready for the leap of fate that will lead them down the road to being and staying clean.
That said, there have been many times I've wanted to just give up and start using or just cop some dope to knock off some pain. Right now I have some bad toothaches happening, I'm on the verge of homelessness, haven't seen my wife who I love more than life itself since last summer, can't find a decent job or place to live and I'm lonely as hell, but I still walk the mile a day come rain or shine to the clinic. I used to walk 6 miles a day, but still made it. I had all my takehomes taken away because I was broke..Lost them because I split a dose and that made me mad as hell, but I still go to that damned ball and chain clinic and stay clean.
Would a bump or shot feel good? Hell yes it would and I can't tell you how much a blast of coke would ease this toothache, but I know the results and where I'll be in another month...
All my problems would grow tenfold and I would eventually end up either dead or in prison....
I want to be clean because for me its a matter of life or death and I know that now. I choose life over death and freedom over incarceration.. There are other factors, but we can analize this all till we've come up with 50 other reasons to use, but what's the bottom line? You tell me...
I don't mean to pick a fight here, I just want a better understanding of where other peoples heads are and mine too... I like where it seems to be right now, but God only knows where it might be in another week, month or year...whatever.
I just wanted to add that I too don't believe failure=not wanting to be clean.I tried SOOOO many times to get clean n always messed up at some point.Maybe I wasn't ready but I don't think I'd be 7days clean (but on Bup)now if I hadn't learnt all those lessons from all those attempts!:)
Information in this forum is not monitored or provided by a medical professional. The information reflects member opinions only. Do not act on advice from these forums without first consulting a qualified medical professional. All content is copyrighted and protected by Aelius Group.