Thanks everyone. Much appreciated as I often cry at the drop of the hat lately and it is hard to go through the motions of just daily life right now- i know that sounds dramatic but sometimes when i am down even going to the market is hard. i slept last night and got up and went to the gym am which is back to normal for me. I am going to try to focus on myself today and get some things done that i need to get done. Yes he is still in detox and will be there until mid next week we are thinking. I confronted him last week after this came to my attention. we had been seperated from each other for some time and when i became aware of this i went to him and said lets talk. it was within 48hours that we all sat down and came up with this plan. i believe that he wants this but i am so afraid that i will become attatched to him once again and then he will go back to his old ways and i will be devastated and trying to pick up the pieces again. i am just trying to cope with all of this and all and deal the best way that i can. your kind words mean so much to me. noone understands this or what i or him etc. are feeling. i NEVER ever thought I would deal with this. I watched this stuff on tv. It has opened my eyes to the fact that this can come into anyones life and it is devastating all the same. But when i try to talk to friends etc. about this they think i should just quit him and dont see where i am coming from in making this final stand to save it all because i love him and i want him better so that he and i both can have good lives and be together. You guys are my only support system right now so... THANK YOU! i mean that from the bottom of my heart. Thank you to all of you.

just so ya know....

I've been married to an addict for 17 years. He briefly relapsed twice during those 17 years. I made it clear that he was not welcome in the home if he used. He stopped using. He's clean/sober today.

He's an amazing guy.

It can be done.

Sluggo-
What was his addiction to if you dont mind me asking? They are telling me at this facility that roxies are like heroin in the fact that they mimick each other and are almost as equally hard to come off of. He didnt start with roxies because he told me originally it was percocet.

So he has been climbing the ladder recently. Apparently this was a causal thing over the years and within the last year became very serious and in the last 3 months has just turned into a full fledged addiction where he was desperate to get them and that is when he started taking or snorting roxies

Hi there. I can relate to all that youre going thru, with the added bonus that Im an addict too. You need to be true to yourself FIRST, and make clear what your needs are for this relationship to progress. As much as you love him, if he's active, you dont have a sound relationship it is filled with cracks. That doesnt mean you cant have a wonderful relationship, and like Janice said, state your needs, draw your line, and stick to it. In the end, you both will be better for it, together or separately. He can not make nor break you. You have to be whole with YOU first, otherwise you will be a "co-dependent" party in the relationship. I struggle with co-dependancy. I came to that realization very recently and many of my "nurturing ways" are truly enabling instead. Active ddiction doesnt change our soul, it just blocks it TOTALLY. Alanon can show you how to be strong from within.

You Can Not Make The Most Of Tomorrow Without First Making The Most Of Today.

HONESTY Doesnt Leave The Door Open For Interpretation.

liny-

It has been almost 3 years. I did draw the line in the sand and i did not see him for almost 2 months. i knew that he had the problem 2 months ago but did not realize the full extent. i thought he was just partying and running with the wrong people and didnt care because he didnt want the same things out of life as me. For ex. in my mind you cant say i want to get married etc and never save for a ring or contribute. that makes no sense to me and it angered me. we fought weekly about where all the money was for a year almost but i didnt know it was pills at that time. jsut thought he was careless with money and was making false promises to me.

for 2 months i didnt see him nor speak to him. he was behind on bills so he had no phone. he avoided me and i didnt go looking for him. i was ok with that because i thought if that is what he wants then i will go on. i am in my 30's and have a masters degree etc. etc.. i have tried to do as much rigt in my life as i can. i thought i will go on and find someone later in life and be fine.

when i found out the problem was this bad and i actually spoke to his family who clued me in the fact that this was not just a .. well, he is partying and doesnt care and it was a matter of him literally signing over paychecks to the dealers and stealing i had 2 options. to let a sleeping dog lie or go see him. i chose the latter and it was through this that we all came together and said ok what can we all do. all of us including him decided on detox as first step. he said he was tired of his life and all the lies and stealing.. he said he was ready to take care of it and get off. and he is in detox at this very moment and should be there until mid next week.

i have told him that i love him but i do not love the drugs and him on drugs. he told me that the guy i fell in love with was a sober guy and i believe that.he knows that i will not tolerate the drugs or i think that anyway. i think he knows that i will walk away and i have a number of resources to leave the area if for some reason i cannot break the cycle. i truly believe that he thinks it will be over if he goes back to dark alley pill buying and lying and stealing and I will. If i allow him to do this i think it hurts me and him. he will eventually die and i will be sucked into the pit that he is in ( if he goes back there). i cannot let that happen.I have worked way to hard to get where i am however i do not want to have to be without him so sticking my ground will be extremely hard although i think that i can do it. my mom is very supportive of me and what i am doing right now as far as he and i are concerned. she knows he has a prob and that he is in detox. she is my voice of reason and i know that she will be there to look me in the face and tell me that i have to move on if he goes back to it and that will help. thank God for my amazing mother who loves me so much and is willing to stick this out with me. most people do not at all support what i am doing right now.

My husband is a recovered heroin addict. As am I. But, we've both relapsed on oxys, roxys, percs...any opiate pain medication. its really all the same.

most people do not at all support what i am doing right now.

((HUGS))

We were just talking about this on my thread.. how when people have cancer or visible sickness/disease we get meals, cards, gifts, phone calls of care.. but when dealing with dealing addiction, we are alone, less support. I can say, even thou I am not an addict, I have isolated myself for a long due to my daughter's disease. I have run across all kinds of people thru this journey. Thru that I have learned who I can rely and who I can't or who just wants "gossip".

I admire your strenght for what you are doing. Willing to stick by him. I am not sure how it all works, but I feel like when the addict we are related to knows that have us by their side thru it, it somehow helps them.

When you look at someone who has cancer or something, you look at the team of Drs and their knowledge, you look at the all the available support groups they have, you look at all the reseach done in this area... but with addicts, like on the show Intervention, it results in cutting the addict out of your life until they are ready to be sober.. the support is AA/NA or therapy, but again, the addict has to want to. The research is inconclusive.. the percents are low or unknown. The course of action is different. There are so many variables, so much unknown. They isolate, we isolate. It's definatly very difficult. BUT, look at how members here have worked hard and come thru on the other side... that in itself is comforting and they are here to help.

I have learned the hard way.. and I am much older than you.. wish I knew it at your age.. that I have to take care of myself.. get my needs met, get myself healthy, strong.. set a good example.. stand proud, stand strong.. and you can handle what your comes with the addict in your life. So today I ask you, what are you going to do for yourself?

I often cry.. I often just go thru the motions of life too.. I believe that's part of it. But I also accept that. I accept I can cry at the drop of a hat. I accept that I go thru the grocery store and not remember what I need or what I bought.. and this too shall pass. That I am learning thru those steps as well. I used to get angry when I felt like that..now I accept it. I am ok with it.

There are so good books out there..try the Hazelden site. Knowledge is power, this we know.
Hugs
K

I gotta run out now but I wanted to post this to you - I may even start a thread on it. See if there's anything here that resonates with you - some did for me, some didnt. Sometimes we compromise our values for someone else, and in the end, that becomes a resentment. I'll check back later this afternoon. Welcome to ODR - its gonna be ok...learnin all you can about addiction is a first step.

http://www.here-to-listen.com/codependency-signs.html

You Can Not Make The Most Of Tomorrow Without First Making The Most Of Today.

HONESTY Doesnt Leave The Door Open For Interpretation.