Still haven't decided which route I want to go yet. Still stuck in the same spot pretty much.
I am going to set up a doctor appointment tomorrow to get my liver checked just to make sure I have not already done a bunch of damage. Is there anything else I should have them check out while I am in there?
The whole liver damage thing from the apap has always had me bugged out. I can't tell ya how many times I have looked in the mirror to make sure my freaking eyes are not turning yellowish. What do you think the chances are that I have already done some bad damage? I know they now saw 3,000 mg is the limit for a whole day. I rarely go over that and if I do it's still under the old 4,000 a day limit.

Hey UB
In my opinion you need to make ONE plan, ONE decision. Either you are going to take pills or you are going to quit. If you want to quit then make a PLAN to quit. Like give your mom your money & car keys so you can't get pills & go CT. Or you could do a quick taper. Have your mom hold the pills & put them in small baggies or something by date so you reduce every third day & finally get to zero or get to 1 a day then jump.
It is like buying a car or a house, you make the plan, save the money, apply for the loan...it takes a plan & time. You don't just one day decide you are buying a house & move the next day. It takes planning & work to get to the end goal.
I am doing the taper thing. Mostly it sucks but for me CT was not an option as I have to work to pay the mortgage. I hope when i get to the end I will not be sick for 10 days straight so I can take just a few sick days & have sick days left for when I feel like dirt again. With the taper i feel physically crappy every time i reduce but mentally I pat myself on the back that I am one day closer to fully clean.
No matter which you do it stinks but if you want to truly enjoy your child you need to be able to feel real emotion. I have breakthroughs of real emotion now-some good & some bad but they are real.
In my opinion the motel thing is not a good idea.
The liver thing is anyone's guess but after your blood work you will know where you stand. Maybe that will help you quit.
Hang in there

Hey UB
I hope I did not sound mean int the above post, that was not my intention..

UB have a CBC done, a complete blood count, so you can see if you are depleted in any vitamins or minerals as well. Your liver is up under your right side of your rib cage, if you are having liver problems when you push up under there it will hurt. I know cause I had cirrhosis, but cleared both that and hepC with healthy living. Many supplements out there to help your liver. If I can heal from cirrhosis than you can heal your liver too. Go talk to someone at the health food store, or if you want I can come up with a list for you.

I know you have not decided what to do yet. Did you consider doing an in house detox for a week or so? If not that route, please do not choose the hotel thing, unless you have someone from NA in there with you. Someone who has been there and done that.

Detoxing alone is a dangerous thing, cause as you know addiction happens in isolation. Isolation is part of the disease. Everything that counteracts isolation also counteracts addiction. That is why so many people on here go to meetings. It gets them out and socailizing with others who also have the same goal, to heal without drugs.

It did work for my son, detox, rehab then sober living for 5 years. Just do not want to see you do this all on your own, as it is just so hard that way. I mean it is not just the physical part but the mental anguish of the habitual addict in you telling you to just feel better, just one time, just pick up the phone...

How about you just check out what is available to you in your area, with no assumptions and an open mind. Can you ask the doctor to refer you to a counselor who specializes in addiction? I am just asking you what are you willing to do to heal? Mental stability takes awhile to come back, and in the meanwhile the addict plays games with your mind.

Just think about this, please. I know you want change, I know you want to stop, but how badly do you want to? Cause I tell you the honest truth recovery does not happen in a vacuum! I look forward to hearing from you. And wish you good results at the doctor today.
With hope and sincerity,
annie

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Anne

I got the doctor's appt. set for this Thursday and will ask for the C.B.C. and any other tests they may think necessary. I will keep you updated.
As for my plan of action...I am still trying to taper. I printed out a thing called, "The Thomas Recipe". Anyone have any luck or anything with that?
No pain or anything when I touch under my ribs on either side. Kinda feels strange pushing there but then again...I have never really done that before, lol.
My goal is to be 100 percent clean and drug free by June. How I get there all depends on how I feel and how quick I want this to be over.
I know cold turkey would be the fastest...yet the most painful.
I am really thinking that this "Thomas Recipe" thing sounds like it might work. And I am pretty sure it involves cold turkey. Have to read through it again.

It's okay. I didn't think you were sounding mean.

UB
Good, I re read it and thought "oh crap, I sound like a witch"! I was just worried about you going to a hotel alone.
How are you doing today? It is great that you have started a plan- by putting June 2010 as your clean date you have takent the first step Yeah!

I did notice where you would have thought you were being mean, but I just assumed you were not meaning to come off that way.
By June I plan to be completely free from Opiates. No matter what.

Welcome Unattended! I just joined today too... I'm going to agree with everyone else and say screw the subox. do it cold turkey before your addiction gets worse. Percs are right where I started. I suffer from horrible migranes and so every once in a while my mom would give me half of one of her percocet 10's and back then it made me feel good. Then I jumped up to tens... then had to take two at a time then three at a time and so on and so on.... now I'm detoxing from shooting 3-5 oxy 80's a day. Trust me if you dont tackle this now it will only get worse. Maybe not right away but gradually. Your detox is still going to be painful just like all of ours but thankfully I don't think for as long. I could be wrong because i'm not a doctor but just from past expierence ya know? Just write your thoughts and your pain... oddly enough it helps. You sit there and think about it all day but once you write it down for others to hear it seems to take a little bit of the edge off. Good luck to you dear and keep in touch with all of us! We are right there by your side.

Thanks again everyone. This forum really has been a big help for me.
Of course, I have another question, lol.
Does anyone know of any herbal or pharm. medicines that would help with the anger/depression/irritability that comes from not taking the Opiates? That is the WORST part for me it seems.

Hi Unattened

The most common is SamE. But start it 15 to 30 before you really need it. I believe the cost has come down lately.

The one that I like the best is: Mineral Essence made by Young Living. I think you have to order it on line, I got mine from a friend.
I believe the ingred. that makes work so well is natural lithium.

Also , someone here gave me a good list. I don't have the file handy that I kept the information in, but it would be on my thread on the Heroin section, under something like, Got my daughter, need help with her detox. But the information is very good!

Good luck to you!
K

Will be sure to check that info out. When I see my doctor Thursday I am going to ask about Xanax, Valium, or Klonopin. I realize that these are addicting drugs as well but I have been prescribed them before and honestly abusing Benzo's would be the furthest thing from my mind. I also believe something a doctor told me once...that if you are using a drug, as prescribed, for legitimate purposes, it is very hard to become addicted to it. So needless to say, I am going to give it a shot. I know from past experience that drugs like Xanax would really help a lot with the mental aspect of the withdrawals. And I will say it again, that's the worst part for me. I can handle pain and sickness. I would almost welcome it in my case. It's the mental distress I can't handle. The anger, frustration, depression, and irritability that seems to get pretty damn intense after about 10-12 hours of not taking my Percocet. If it doesn't work...if my plans fail...then I am going to chalk it up and check myself into detox as was my original plan.
Sad thing is, in my head I keep thinking that I am not going to be able to do this. And that even if I do, I will never be happy again. Nothing real will ever compare to the chemically induced euphoria that I get from Opiates. Nothing. It's almost as if a big part of me doesn't want to succeed. Strange? I don't know. This is my first time being addicted to a drug that made me reach that high into euphoric bliss. Will I ever be able to be happy without it? I don't know. And the reason I don't know is because believe it or not, I forget what it was like without them. I don't remember EVER being happy without Percocet. wtf is wrong with me?

Here's a link to some threads that may help with some comfort type meds.

You'd be far better served to go IP then to mess with any benzos...especially the xanax. The benzos will abuse you well before you've realized you abuse them.

FWIW..that "....that if you are using a drug, as prescribed, for legitimate purposes, it is very hard to become addicted to it." crap is just that...crap.
Benzos can grab folks fast and hard. You just need to look at your post of." I know from past experience that drugs.." And how did they help get you to your current sits? Make sense?

I had a doc that had me at 440mg of Oxys and a fruit bowl of breakthru meds ..per day. Wound up with another doc that had me at 40mg of sub, and a long list of ADs.....took them all 'as prescribed'. (At first anyways )

Bottom line...the drugs aren't our problem...we are. The problem and solution is in the mirror. We can quit looking for an artificial drug induced solution...quit the drugs. But don't quit one day...one hour..or one minute before allowing the miracle of recovery to happen.

Godspeed
Jay

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I don't agree with the part about you saying that even if you take medicine as prescribed that you won't become addicted as being untrue.
You said yourself, in your case, that you took them as prescribed AT FIRST. Meaning that eventually you started abusing them. That's probably when you became addicted to them.
My Mom has bad knees, bone on bone, and multiple knee surgeries. She takes Percocet usually everyday. Sometimes 3 a day on bad days. She has been doing that for quite some time now but she isn't addicted to them at all because she only takes them as prescribed and for legitimate pain relief.
Were her pain to go away and she continued to take them anyways, she would probably become addicted to them.
Anyways, that's just something I believe to be true because when I first started taking pain meds it was for some really bad dental problems. I had no insurance and no money to get into an oral surgeon so my doctor just kept giving me a bunch of pain pills only to mask the problem until I could get in to someone to get them taken care of. I was fine taking them the whole time I was in pain. I never abused them, took them exactly as prescribed, and only took them when I couldn't take the pain in my mouth anymore. Eventually I got in to see an oral surgeon and had my teeth fixed. It was at that point that I thought I might as well take the rest of my pills even though I had no more pain. Which would qualify as abusing them. It was also at that point when I started down the road that led me here. Would I have just stopped taking them when it was no longer medically relevant to take them, I probably wouldn't be posting on an Opiate addiction forum right now, lol.
Anyways, that's just imo and I am not here to argue about things like that. Just wanted to let you know why I believed that to be true.
I am going to try the Xanax if dr. will give it to me but I am only going to take it when the withdrawals get bad enough to where mentally, I can't deal with it. Once this is over with I am going to flush the rest of the Xanax down the drain with a big smile on my face. I figure two weeks at the most is all I will be taking them because if I get them I am planning on just going cold turkey the day after my wedding on the 17th of this month. I am waiting til after then because I don't want to be sick and withdrawaing on that day at least.

UB
Wow, the marriage is so close now..Next week...are you nervous? Will you be going on a honeymoon now or later? My daughter got married last October but did not go away until Mid November. She wanted to chill a while after the wedding before going away - she felt she would enjoy it more that way.
hang in there & let us know how your appt goes today. WE are rooting for you.