I want who I used to be

Hello everyone. I am day 5 ct of hydrocodone withdrawal. I had been clean for about year before going out almost 5 years this time. meetings are what what kept me going when I stayed clean. I have pain issues and that just snowballed for me. My mom died a few months ago and that in my thinking gave a excuse to overdo the pills. I now live in a small desert town of 2000 and i am going to have to find a meeting quickly. I have been detoxing at home with clonidine, immodium, hot baths, the sleep and restless legs are the worse of all. I am not really freaking out becuz I know this willpass and this is the price of admission to the other side.

thanks for letting me share

peacenik

Hi Iwant,

Hang in there OK? Do you go to NA? You can find a meeting here:
NA Meeting Locator

It sounds as if you know what to do with the clonidine etc. Why don't you check in with us here and we'll try to help you along? You can get back to who you were. You're right, this will pass if you don't pick up.

Dave

Joplinfrk

Welcome back and welcome to the board. Have you started attending meetings again? You know you can always come back and not be judged for slipping; sometimes it's just a part of the process.
Keep posting.

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Why do I keep going to meetings even after two years clean and sober? Because yesterday's meeting isn't going to keep me sober today!

sorryone

Good job...how much were you taking before you went ct? I give you lots of credit for keeping the prize in site. Sounds like you have a really good attitude.

I am very sorry to hear about your mom passing.

Hope you keep posting....

I want who I used to be

Thanks everyone for the replies. I was taking about 40-60 mg a day. I guess it sounds small but it got me. Last night was the first night that when I laid down my legs were still even though sleep was intermittant. It amazes me how the thinking process when on opiates becomes so skewered. I had read somewhere that opiates are time stealers, a few yrs go by and it feels like a moment. I never cared to admit that pain medication could possibly be holding me back as I had the thought process that it only helped me along and actually in the beginning it did. Probably the hardest thing for me to accept is once loss of control rears its ugly head that is is almost if not for sure impossible to regain control.

Thanks all again

Parachute

Welcome back to CLEANVILLE..Good to have you. It is no coincidence that when you were clean you were using a progrma of recovery. The prgram is still there, very likely somewhere in your small town theymeet!!
" I wantwho I used to be" I hear that, I do. HOwever, you will never be that. You have new experience, new life, and time that has changed you. You can be WHO YOU ARE NOW and grow from all that experience.
Keep reaching out here, glad the physical is starting to pass. The time to begin a recovey plan is RIGHT NOW...Good luck, get involved. YOu don't have to live that way anymore!!

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PEACE

sorryone

Great post Parachute...I got alot from that! Thank you even though it was not directly for me.
R

I want who I used to be

Hello again thanks for those kind replies. I do agree with you about what I used to be. a rather drab now that I think of it screenname. I did find where some meetings are in my area and the journey back into sanity is here.

thank you

befree

Yes I agree nice post that parachute ! so true ! never thought that way b4 !


And day 5 good going, and keep up with keeping your eye on the prize !!


Good luck !

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* Sure its important how long since i have used ! But what's more important to me is how long before i use again ! *

I want who I used to be

Hello everyone, wow strange thing happened to me, someone who has in the past given me pills "called out of the blue" and I have no idea how I got thru that other than I got thru it!! No one ever calls when you really are in using mode and bam there it is. I really did not want to go down that road, like someone actually suggested play the tape thru to the end and I did and I was not willing to start over and play that game. I am still newly clean and feel like it was a test or something and I know I wanted to pass and I did!! small and steady steps are what I am aiming for. I am in high alert right now becuz I do realize it could happen again and thank god for my higher power.

Joplinfrk

It's kind of like when you're available, no one looks twice at you but as soon as you start seeing someone, they come out of the woodwork!

Good job!

__________________
Why do I keep going to meetings even after two years clean and sober? Because yesterday's meeting isn't going to keep me sober today!

sorryone

Good for you! You sure did pass the test...you used healthy tools instead of old behavior or acting on impulse. That is taking good care of YOU!
How are you feeling today? Hope you gave yourself a big pat on the back! Be Proud of yourself.
R

I want who I used to be

Hello all, I am actually feeling ok today. I have been keeping busy, get the proverbial anxiety but I am aware it is happening so I just go thru it knowing it will pass. I don't try to push any feelings down I just allow it come up and it passes. I always knew it would pass but was unwilling to even have any emotional discomfort at any time.

Parachute

That is GREAT...Now youknow...YOU CAN SAY NO!! You can get POWER from your HIGHER POWER to do the right thing...great going. When it comes up in whatever form next time, you will alreadyknow thatyou don't have to use. You feel good today, that is NO COINCIDENCE. Doing the right thing, begets the right thing....good for you.....as hokey as that sounds, I promise you it is true!

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PEACE

liny

excellent perspective!

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You Can Not Make The Most Of Tomorrow Without First Making The Most Of Today.

HONESTY Doesnt Leave The Door Open For Interpretation.