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  1. #13
    payne is offline Senior Member
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    John

    Today at least, you are one happy ball of sunshine.

    Shine on and keep me posted.

    BGH

    "...I fell down hard and I got up slow, but I'm on my feet again"-blue rodeo

  2. #14
    DC10 is offline Member
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    I read this thread with much interest. I have suffered depression and lack of energy for years and believe that has made me more susceptible to opiate addiction. I have had little, practically no success with anti-depressants and they tried a lot, for years. They never made the slightest difference where as pain killers, an instantaneous result for a longtime, then I became used to them, I take them as I feel ill and look ill without them but get very little pleasure oir energy, as I used to. Thjey stop working after a few years of heavy usage. They lead to nothing. They lull you into thinking you can use them and feel better then the day comes and they stop you feeling better. I have no answers to life without opiates but I am a wreck without them, also with them. A quandry indeed.

  3. #15
    More2Life is offline Senior Member
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    DC,
    I use to be a lot worse off then I am. I was taking 25-30 Norco a day along with any other opiates I could acquire. That was a year ago. I am now only taking 6-8 Norco a day. I am prescribed Vyvanse for my ADD and I believe it is the reason I have dropped this low. I just can't seem to drop to 0. Unlike you opiates have ALWAYS given me energy, happiness and drive. I have accomplished many things under the influence of opiates. Opiates never messed me up like drinking or benzos do. No one could tell I was under the influence of anything. They make me more social, more productive, and help me escape the harsh realitys of life. I have never felt ill or crappy while high on Norco, I always feel the total opposite and I believe thats the reason it's so hard for my mind to grasp the fact that I don't need them to be happy. But without them, I am not... If I felt crappy when I took Norco it would be A LOT easier to quit.... I want to thank everyone for their replies. I have been fighting this monkey on my back for 5 years now and I'm only 26.... Thanks again.

  4. #16
    Parachute is offline Senior Member
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    quote:Originally posted by More2Life

    DC,
    I have been fighting this monkey on my back for 5 years now and I'm only 26.... Thanks again.
    Get out of the ring! This addiction WILL turn on you, it will. The Norco will lose its desired effect, there you will be. You will EITHER start using stronger stuff, OXY, Heroin, Roxi, whatever...OR you will switch drugs, OR you will get clean.
    Are you interested in getting clean at all? I sorta figure you hafta be somewhat cuz you are here at ODR. Peepz don't usually show up here cuz they are doing and feeling great about opiate use, quite the oppposite is true. However, In my time here anyone who still ENJOYS opiates has not stayed and gotten better. MOST disappear back into Dopeville, and then not surprisingly, many resurface months later in worse shape....
    Reality is, if you want to see if you can be happy without opiates, and , you definitely can be. Set a day by day goal of NOT USING AT ALL for X time....how bout three months? If you can't do that, you definitely have a problem with these drugs. Perhaps that will bother you to the point of paying the piper a bit to get free...What do ya think? Are you interested in trying to stay clean a while? That is the only way to find out what you are about, what life is, as it was intended..

    PEACE

    All Best
    P

  5. #17
    oneis2many's Avatar
    oneis2many is offline Senior Member
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    Hi M2L

    I can understand how you are feeling.
    Opiates do give the illusion of motivation, happiness and that all is well.
    I said many a time as long as I'm stoned I could sit and watch paint dry and be perfectly happy.
    As a result I now find myself in my mid 50's unemployed. Opiates ARE that powerful.
    In '94 I quit a 20+ year habit of benzo's for over 8 1/2 years. While my sleep was messed up for a while, I NEVER had to deal with the emotional ups and downs I have had to deal with when I stop using my opiates. I did use gravol for a while to help with sleep. I had no idea that was frowned upon in N.A. for quite a while. I just knew it was keeping me away from using the benzo's I had used for so long.
    In September of '04 and '007 I made my 1st nd and 2nd attempt to stop the opiates (and benzos). I had started to use percocet in late 2002 or early 2003. I went into detox for 10 days and was feeling great. After a few days outside the protective walls and not tapering off my benzo's I was using within two weeks.
    I was not informed of the 'tapering' I should have been doing off the benzo's and was not at all prepared for what I now know as the effect of PAWS-PostAcuteWithdrawalSyndrome. I learned about the PAWS after my 2nd stint after detox, thanks in main part to this forum.
    I was feeling like drek (poo) for at least a good month after detox. Maybe even longer. Once it started to lessen I did manage to get my *** back to the gym, something I was doing while clean in the 90's. And, the rush I got from working out was even better than the endorphin rush from my percs/oxy's. It lasted longer, I felt and looked better than ever and the buzz lasted longer. I was also going to N.A. meetings on a regular basis.
    Having said all that after seven months, when I was feeling great I still thought about using. This time I did not do a good benzo taper. Without proper sleep I made bad decisions and even though I tried many healthier products to help with sleep I still ended up looking for something I knew would work-benzos. It wasn't long after that-I mean a few days before I was using my opiates again, and of course my world was 'perfect again' LoL.
    SO, I checked myself back into detox, after using for seven months, this time following it up with a 21 day rehab facility. I feel all the better for it. My rehab finishes on the 25th-in three days, and to be honest, yes I am scared. Boredom, lack of sleep has always been my triggers. I have the sleep issue fairly well taken care of as I am doing a very s-l-o-w taper of valium. I don't care if it takes a year, really.
    I have to do some things different this time, so I don't make the same mistakes. I know I'll make new ones, that is a guaranteed. Doesn't mean that I will pick up. I have a new desire this time. And I'll remember it when I have cravings-and I will-so I don't pick up. I'll do this one day at a time or one hour at a time if I have to.
    I'm still nervous about what to do with my free time-I also don't want to overwhelm myself-and hope and pray to push myself out the door on days when Toronto winters really suk!
    I

    when the fear of staying the same is greater
    than the fear of change
    ...we change

  6. #18
    jb99fidelis is offline Senior Member
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    Previous to using opiates, my life had its rides like anyone else, but life was always good and i felt that i accomplished so many different things. Then i started using opiates (and other drugs)and all of a sudden it seemed to enhance all that i was doing, making me focused and energized. Opiates gave me so much motivation that, as Oneis2Many says, I could watch paint dry and be really good at it!

    Then another amazing thing happens which seems to be common for most of us in ODR; the crap stops working and you feel like hell while living for brief moments of relief (and maybe a high) after taking a pill. That pill goes from lasting 4-8 hours to 2-3 hours leaving you with all the sh!t in between. even if this end result didnt eventually happen to me, I must not forget the fact that while using i did nothing but the minimum to survive, make money, and supply my stock of opiates. I seemed to have forgotten about all the other stuff i enjoyed doing, all the stuff i got a natural high from (working out, being outdoors, writing, etc). How them dayz flew by.

    Now I am 5 weeks out of detox after 2 years of 24/7 use and i can see a big glimpse of the other side again. Last week I walked outside to head to work, smelled the fresh air and cut grass, and felt that natural endorphin rush which i havnt felt in 2 years! I felt it again when working out, and again friday night when i could take a break from work and take my girl on a date night (lord knows how many times i DIDNT take her out the last two years while doped). My goal soon is to not only be the immersed in the things i once enjoyed and loved, but to take them on with a new apreciation and motivation because i realize how close i came to flushing my dreams away with that empty vicodin bottle i had tapped.

    It still is hard to part ways with the opiate. Im not going to lie; today i had a craving stronger than any other time. I came within inches of giving in but thankfully called a good bro i met on this site and we talked myself out of it. Get this- I dont feel like crap anymore, the depression has lifted, and my life is going fine but, for some reason, I wanted to feel that high again and get some work done that has been sitting on my desk. i thought for a minute, or few hours, that my life would temporarily be better with just a few. I say "temporary" because i am not dumb enough to believe i wont feel ill when its all over. I thought i could beat the system, eat "just" a couple hydro 10s, and pick up tomorrow where i left off...sober. Well, this is what i thought when i first starting using on the weekends. i thought i had the system beat, all figured out. I even managed to maintain my 1st year of addiction through just 3-5 vicodin per day...clipping along at what i thought the minimum dose was to get my high and not get too hooked. Fast forward to the next year; swallowing 300+ mg of oxycodone/contin as my base while finding other things to get high off. One is too many indeed. I didnt give in to the subtle call of the devil today and for this I am THANKFUL : )

    So, with only 5 weeks out of detox after 2+ years of daily use (and still the occasional craving)I have to say this- life is certainly better without opiates! I wouldnt trade 4-6 hours of synthetic happiness for the high i have felt the last few weeks of sobriety while enjoying life...and ill even take the bad dayz too! Like P says, your best day using cannot touch your worst day sober (or sumthin like that ; )

    Now its time to resume life, reach my goals and dream big

    JB



    "wherever you go, there you are"

  7. #19
    steve222 is offline Senior Member
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    WELL SO FAR IT 15 TO 1 FOR (NOT USEING)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    That cute little puppy will one day GROW into a rabid pitbull and chew you a new A-hole dude!

    steve

  8. #20
    DC10 is offline Member
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    I am gving the anti-de[ressants yet another go, I cant help thinking that they might help me fight the opiate problem a little better. Opiates may lift your mood initially, and for some time, but get five years down the line and they make your problems a thousand times worse.

  9. #21
    More2Life is offline Senior Member
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    I forget to add that I have been addicted since 18. I'm 26...

  10. #22
    cory's Avatar
    cory is offline Senior Member
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    No one is more aware of the general "$HITTY" feeling that accompanies quitting than I am. Ofcourse it feels better to be high than not, that is the very nature of drugs. My solution, as with most here, was to STAY high and never have to handle life without chemicals(can you say addicted?).

    Anyways, I had to take a step back and look at it logically. While struggling with the IMPOSSIBLE task of sustaining my habit, I allowed every other aspect of my life to suffer. Only after quitting and forcing myself to look in the mirror, identify the root problems in my life that LEAD my to using, was I able to begin fixing them, not just "sweeping them under the rug" as I had been with dope.

    I was tired of my life being defined by addiction, I had to step up to the plate and deal with all the $HIT (a considerable ammount, it turns out!!) I dont like about my life. Bottom line is, my worst day sober and facing my problems, instead of running from them, is infinitely better than my best day as a *bleep*in JUNKIE!!

    www.myspace.com/kawi1000

  11. #23
    More2Life is offline Senior Member
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    quote:Originally posted by cory

    No one is more aware of the general "$HITTY" feeling that accompanies quitting than I am. Ofcourse it feels better to be high than not, that is the very nature of drugs. My solution, as with most here, was to STAY high and never have to handle life without chemicals(can you say addicted?).

    Anyways, I had to take a step back and look at it logically. While struggling with the IMPOSSIBLE task of sustaining my habit, I allowed every other aspect of my life to suffer. Only after quitting and forcing myself to look in the mirror, identify the root problems in my life that LEAD my to using, was I able to begin fixing them, not just "sweeping them under the rug" as I had been with dope.

    I was tired of my life being defined by addiction, I had to step up to the plate and deal with all the $HIT (a considerable ammount, it turns out!!) I dont like about my life. Bottom line is, my worst day sober and facing my problems, instead of running from them, is infinitely better than my best day as a *bleep*in JUNKIE!!

    www.myspace.com/kawi1000
    thats real talk cory!! thanks for that bro

  12. #24
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    Cricketjumps is offline Senior Member
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    I was 18 and then 26 and now I am 42. Asking the question means you are seeking an answer. Did you get it yet? There is reason you came here, me to. I do not like feeling like a statue. When I was swallowing pills I felt like rocks. It feels much better to loosen up, physically. The mental part - have not shaken the rocks yet. But HOPE is here.

    Yes - happier feeling like a human than a concrete mold. Takes time. Don't waste any because before you know it: Elvis leaves the building.

    Better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness.
    - Chinese Proverb

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