Hey many of you might remember me from a few years ago and thank god i beat methadone first and foremost before i even begin to get into anything if you are on heroin of any kind do not get on methadone that's like trading a nine millimeter handgun for a nuclear bomb for an addiction it's a LONG detox i didnt feel right till month three still experiencing paws mos later but i made it. But for some reason even with the meetings and a sponsor eight mos later i relapsed while in college. I was right in my more would be revealed stage when it happened god i felt horrid. since then i have completed 1.75 years of college the last semester i dropped out to get reclean.. This time it was oxy's but up around 240-360/mg/day habit. then i tried a really short sub step down i used 4mg/day/3days so a total of 12 milligrams. Last dose was saturday 11 am. It is now wednesday seven Am and honestly i dont feel too bad. Nothing like the meth i would say suboxone's only good use is to VERY rapidly step down and it's important to make it so you're hurting the first two days on it do not get stable. by day three you will be no matter how big the drop unless you are on methadone. then sunday night no sleep so i mix xanax/clonodine NOT a good idea people. You want a low enough bp to where you get lightheaded when stand up and think you have the ticker to take it then you will sleep fourteen hours i promise you. Anyways back to now last night i took a two mg bar and a muscle relaxer and that's it thus far, also followed by some cali kush and that seems to be holding me. Ok my back is roaring right now but the knowledge that this is just my spinal opiate receptors crying for their **** and i got like 10-15 more days for those to fall off followed by sleep ten days after that. Then hopefully paws will be about done i have no idea if it exists in oxy like it does in methadone even if it does i dont care i'll be outside working during it landscaping. Hopefully enough to pay for this engineering school im trying to get into. I really wish i was hurting i feel guilty writing this because believe me i do have moments like wow this sucks but im able to move past them with positive thought or actually this night it was a post from jdude about someone's family member using.

Hey Brian.sounds like you have been thru the mill with opiates. I had a huge OXY habit myself..upwards of 500 mgs a day for bout four years running....Does it really matter if there is PAWS...not reall right? I mean, we have to get clean period. Each time we use we go deeper into the woods. Sounds like you are already prettydeep.
I work a recoveryplan. For me it is not about stopping drug use, it is about moving away from drugs with a recovery plan. If I just stop using, I will still have all the symptoms of addiction without a drug. I learned this the hard way. WE are conditioned to avoid our feelings in life byusing anything from OXY, to blow, to Kush..name it, nything to not deal with what is real. I had to LEARN how to deal with reality. I do this each day now, it helps bigtime!!
Ok, so, sounds like you hav a job lined up for teh Spring. Physical owrk will help with PAWS to be sure. Thinking after your history that ou will just stop using and be fine is an error my friend. We have to recreate our lives. We need something to fill that void in our lives that we have tried unsuccessfully to fill iwth all kinds of drugs. I found something to fill that void in recovery....

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PEACE

Like you, I had a HUGE OxyContin habit from 2000-2005. I was slamming about 1200-2000 mg a day on top of anything else I could get my scheming little hands on. Blew through a six figure trust fund and lost everything. When I made the decision to surrender, I was so sick and "knew" that going cold turkey yet again would "kill me" so, I did a QUICK Suboxone detox, got my butt in AA and worked the hell out of my program. Two years later, life is good. I've hear horrible things about Methadone and I'm glad that I didn't go that route.
Keep up the good work and don't leave before the miracle happens.

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Listen: for this addict, the rooms of AA were the last thing I tried and the first thing that worked, but it only works if you work it.

Yeah i also will go to AA because i already know ALL of the addicts in my area... Really a trust fund god i wish were you.. but not really because you have the disease as me that speaks to us at our lowest or greatest of moments is cunning, baffling, and powerful. This time around i treated my addiction as a business. If i wasnt paying for my four 80s a day then it was fine..(yeah ****ing right).. Anyways last use of an opiod sat today is wednesday. Got chills bad oh well **** happens to poople who's lives become unmanagable. The piper needs his due and this time im paying him in full i want normal sleep patterns. Fortunately im owed a naltrexone pellet from last kick and this time im gonna get it. This way whether i like it or not opiates will not affect me for ninety days. I know i feel like it is a huge crutch but doing this at home if i get the implant @ day seven when i can it takes the decision of using away at least until things are different you figure around that time my pink cloud will be turned to gray in the words of layne staley.

Remember that Ego could also stand for Enabling God Openly.

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Listen: for this addict, the rooms of AA were the last thing I tried and the first thing that worked, but it only works if you work it.

Yes joplin it could stand for that also I heard them all.. And as far as my addiction im more a doctor bob guy myself as well. i been trying to keep writing all my symptoms but unfortunately just severe chills, insomnia, and achyness but that's it... i remember kicking heroin in a cell is was like having spanish fever but at least short. The sub is a tetering type lingering beast that doesnt step on his morning walk of shame. Last time i had chills on day seventeen still i mean it does get to you.. The only thing i got going for me this time is the weather is changing and i can go outside on day seventeen and probably it'll be spring so im grateful for that. Also grateful for my brothers donation of seasons one through five of entourage that and the kush have really been clutch i even sold half benzos i had cuz i had way too many if im on night four/day five then i really shouldnt even need anything anymore in a few more days. I cannot believe i just did all this three weeks ago and im back here again.... crawling back to start as someone would say. day five still alive. Part of me wishes i was feeling the anguish of a meth detox right now last time i felt that beast i white knuckled it a year. No more of that..ugh two more days then i can beg to drive myself to get a naltrexone implant. Anyone know of any crazy side effects from naltrexone? i feel since im doing this at home taking the chemicals totally away this way will benefit me and outweigh my own will. Which has brought me thus far in this exquisite existance i have had thus far.(sarcasm needs a font).

Brian
Hang in there...we have to keep trying until it sticks! did you hit the AA meeting yet?

BTW what is "kush"?

I don't know anything about the implant. Sorry

I'm sorry to bring this off-topic and I don't mean to derail the conversation, but I wonder -- how do people maintain a habit in the 100+ mg range without destroying their livers?

I understand OC 80 doesn't have APAP but most people don't get an endless supply of them. (I've seen only one in two years of being an opiate addict.)

So if your OC 80 source dries up, or you're temporarily out, how do you then deal with replacement opiates that are filled with APAP?

Suppose you substitute with 5/325 Oxy pills, and take 20 of them just to reach 100 mg -- that's hepatoxicity levels at 6500 mg APAP. (And certainly long-term use of APAP at those levels will destroy your liver, even if the 6500 won't kill you immediately.)

I am not here to lecture anyone, I'm just curious about how people dealt with that problem.

We get clean and recover...or die addicted.

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i've seen endless supplies man doctors in this country are bad and greed is a terrible thing... /anyways if anyone was curious as to how this all worked out my last use of a sub was 3/7/2010... i havent used any opiates since 3/3 and i made it past the physical parts... today i went to a doctor in jersey to get a naltrexone implant which i thought i had already paid for... turns out the snook says i didnt so i couldnt get it but i did take a naltrexone pill today and i feel fine so that means i have no type of opiate anywhere within my body...im in a place now where i feel that this wasnt a door shut but a window opening. I went to meeting yesterday the day before that today, and i plan on rinse and repeating for the next while the implant would have just been a cheap way to give my will away...either way im just gonna keep my mind in the present and wait for the universe to divulge to me why this happened the way it did and im sure it will happen... have a nice day all. cheers. Brian.

Way to go, Brian! Keep it up!

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Listen: for this addict, the rooms of AA were the last thing I tried and the first thing that worked, but it only works if you work it.

At one time, I had a 120 pill a day habit. No joke. I would "cook" out the Tylenol and shoot the rest. When I had access to OxyContin back in the day (2001-2005), I would shoot up to 600mg a day. Did it ruin my life? You bet, sister. I lost every and anything that was dear to me all in the name of feeding my habit.
Thank God, those days are over. Well, just for today, anyway.

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Listen: for this addict, the rooms of AA were the last thing I tried and the first thing that worked, but it only works if you work it.

Joplin you're my inspiration and hope that suboxone can save me. Im hoping your 1200 mg a day habit was larger than my .2 g a day habit of tar IVd. If so then suboxone will work for me and I can be free soon.

thank god i could never figure out how to shoot oxies...had enough problems stopping shooting dope years ago...i was able to put my love for the needles down...tar sucks you should be fine...