I know we all as addicts don't trust..... big problem for me. I have let it get in my way for so long now.... I really don't know how to trust anyone.

When some one comes to me after a meeting I find myself always looking for pin-point eyes....in Na meetings I am sure 2/3rd are on sub. I have had to stay away from many meetings.... When they come to me and try to give advice I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. Best.. I just stay away from them. Amazes me how many don't see sub as a opiate.

I have to let something go.... not really sure how to but I have been going to meetings a while. I have taken a few out sailing and find something that just doesn't come up to my standards. I am beginning to think its not them but me at this point. Maybe I expect too much from folks. When they tell me something I should not know... due to being a sponsor... that really bothers me.

I don't see myself as judgemental... but I don't want someone smoking pot going thru the steps with me... or taking benzo's for sleep, etc. I am no angel for sure. I actually can have marinol (pot in pill) due to my dx. I have chosen not to.... well, really have been doing so well with my MS that there has not been a need. SO who am I to judge... but I do.

I just want to grow spiritualily.... and have not. I sometimes think I have a form of autism or something. At this point... I have got to let some guard down. I am gonna try it..... if it dosnt work then so be it.

Thanks for reading.

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