(my thread link)
Heroin to c/s to methadone, my son

Kirsh please read my thread on here so you have some idea of what could/might/does happen when a child is on heroin. Read it and get some insight to what I did wrong and what I did right/what helped me to help my son help himself/and what did not help me at all to help my son help himself. And notice I did not say "help my son" but "help him to help himself". Read it for me please. And comment on it, write to me a post and let me know if you can relate to anything I said on there ok?[xo]

Sweetie you ended your last post with a question. The honest answer about family help or about them coming to you for help is actually a simple answer. YES you must be available to take them to detox or rehab and I mean the second they ask you go. You do not let them get their things in order, no nothing, you just get the phone, pick up the list of numbers you have (you have them yes?) and call right then and there and get her in there that night.

That is the end of what you do to help. From there we leave it to the professionals. They go to a place and share space with other addicts, most of whom are desperately seeking recovery, many of whom are homeless. Most people in there are in there cause they reached their bottom, are without job/friends/loved ones/love/laughter/money/a roof over their heads. She will stay with these people and they will stay up nights talking. She will learn the worst that can happen (as in dying) and the best that can happen (as in recovering). She will attend meetings and learn just what addiction does to your body/mind and spirit. They will teach her how to live without drugs. That is not your job nor mine. That job belongs to addicts who have lived for decades in recovery. That is the job of professionals. Your job, should you chose to do it, is to be ready at every moment for her to ask for help.

Let your son be with his feelings for his sister, she has totally let him down and he does not have any idea really why. I am sure, as most people think, that she chooses to live this way and that if she wanted to get off drugs she would simply stop. And while that notion might seem logical, to a full blown addict it is not. The addict hates him/herself; feels guilt and shame in every moment of their day; does not laugh or have fun anymore; spends every day chasing a high that they probably will not find unless they OD. While they hate living like this they do not either know how to stop. That is why you must be ready with every possible detox center and extensive rehab center. For when the day comes that she is arrested, loses her home, or overdoses, that is going to be your chance to jump up, pick up her, bring her home, pull out the list, and start calling numbers. That is the time you will need those numbers in your hands and you WILL NOT have time or will she have the patience to wait while you say, "Let me make a phone call or go on this site, or find out what is out there". Addicts are extremely inpatient people, they are accustomed to instant gratification. They wait for nothing, they walk away in stead. And you must MUST be prepared for when the day comes that she calls you. And you MUST tell her right out that you will not talk to her or help her in any way, but the second she calls you for help you will be there in a NY minute!

So read my thread hon, if you have the time, and learn it by heart. Learn what you can do. And if your h/b does not want to go to ALANON for whatever reason, then YOU GO. I mean just go love. Many people go alone, this is not a couples thing. You get wiser so you will better be able to understand exactly where she is at. And when you do you will have what it takes to get through to her. Please put your child before your h/b in this case and get to a meeting. You need to learn what addiction is and that it IS a disease and one of the most ravaging diseases in this country. It kills kids off every single day. And the jail is full of addicts, who would be far better served in rehab, but that is not how the system works. If an addict breaks the law to get heroin, it is cause he is caught out and very desperate, sick from not having drugs in his/her system. But to the COURT illegal activity is illegal activity and the reasons do not matter and the sentence will not reflect the drug addiction, it will ONLY reflect the crime.

Once you read my thread and go to a meeting you will better understand what your daughter is thinking and you will see that she has absolutely no control whatsoever over using drugs. You will then be able to talk to her on her level, and be able to get her to listen far easier.

Meanwhile get the numbers, read my thread, and pray. Let God take over what you cannot control. Just love your son unconditionally, and know he cannot possibly understand or be compassionate about his sister at this point. Just accept that, and even expect that your h/b may choose not to understand but that you CAN choose to learn about this and it WILL serve you.

Remember to work hard on keeping yourself healthy. Remember that healing begins with you. Love yourself and believe in yourself. Have faith, and once you find that light inside you it will shine to everyone around you. And with an angel on your shoulder (and boy they were there on mine when my son was in trouble) all shall be well.
Much love MaMa,
annie

Anne